Puberty Is One BEEP Of A Mess
by LittlePancake
Summary: Ah, yes, the ripe age of 13! Riley's been doing pretty okay for a few years! No worries, good times with friends. She's finally enjoying California conflict free! ...Until the gorgeous gutter punk that is Carissa Smith walks into Riley's life and in the blink of an eye, everything changes for Riley and her emotions. Could it be? Is she falling for a girl? How will she handle it?
1. Chapter 1

Please enjoy the very first chapter of my Inside Out fanfiction! I really hope you guys will give me feedback. (And go easy on me, I haven't written fanfiction in YEARS, so if you have any suggestions to help me improve, feel free to send them my way.). Here goes nothing! (Also, I have this story on another website so if you see it somewhere else don't worry that's also me!) Bare in mind that this story FULLY intends to get dark at times, but I will add trigger warnings when necessary.

* * *

"She's awake! She's awake, she's awake this is so exciting! Come on guys, it's time to start the day!" There she stands, that little bundle of _Joy_ hopping about headquarters; waving her co-emotions to her side. She's ready to kick start the day now, "Riley's awake and it's the first day back to school after Christmas break! I can feel it, it's going to be a great day."

"But she _didn't_ get enough sleep, _ugh I'm exhausted_." Sadness heaves a heavy sigh and drops herself right down to the ground.

But Disgust isn't above turning the spotlight right onto her, "You think _you've_ got problems? Honey, all of the clothes We got for Christmas are hideous! Did you see that floral dress? Did mom not bother to read the Christmas list? Everyone knows Riley's been into the grungy tomboy look lately. And 90′s grunge is _so in_."

"Oh don't worry yourself, Disgust!" Joy interjects with enough positivity to power the entire room for days, "You'll find something _perfect_! After all, mom just washed her ripped skinny jeans! We look fab in those! Make our legs look nice and svelte."

"Yes she did…" There stands anger, fists clenched tightly, "But did you forget over break she _bleached_ our Van Halen t shirt?! That was dad's shirt form the 80′s that he let us have and now it's completely _ruined_!"

"Ruined forever…and _never to be worn again_."

"Come on, guys, it was an honest mistake! Besides, we've got plenty of shirts to wear! Let's get ourselves together! We've got to be ready on time."

"But we're _not_ ready!" Fear, who's now crouched behind disgust, cowers with where he stands, "We totally forgot to do the reading for English! What if she get's asked the significance of the green light in _The Great Gatsby_! We don't know what that stands for _at all_!"

"Listen! Listen, it's okay! If we need to…we'll just search the basic symbolism during lunch period on Riley's phone." Joy gives a look of very subtle distaste as she paces before the emotions, "I know it's wrong to cheat like that, but using Riley's phone guarantee's she knows the basics. And we might not even need to do this! So look alive, guys. It's time to stay alert and focused!

* * *

That annoying alarm goes off. Over and over and over. With a groan, Riley grabs for her phone, presses okay. As much as she wants to press snooze, she can't. She sits up with a yawn. God, why is the bed always so warm and perfect in the morning, and getting out of it is like stepping into a blizzard?

Her bare feet are greeted with the cold wooden floor, she crosses her room, heads to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and when she returns to her bedroom…finally she is feeling awake and alert.

After fumbling around her room for 20 minutes or so, and with a rather determined grin, standing in a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a black t shirt, converse sneakers, and just the perfect amount of eyeliner,

 _'There we go, Riley. We. Look. Fabulous.'_

it's time for the day to start.

Riley heads downstairs, grabs for a cereal bar where she's greeted by her parents

"Bye, sweetheart, have a good first day back!" Her mother is quick to pat her head.

 _'Ugh, mom, please we're not five are you kidding me?'_

Her father on the other hand, seems determined to keep Riley young and goofy, "I love you, Monkey!"

 _'No way, dad, that phase? So yesterday.'_

"Dad, please, I'm 13, not 11." But still she smiles, gives a playful eye roll as she turns for the door.

The headphones are plugged in, and she's out the door. She's ready to take on this day with confidence.

 _'I'm so excited! I can't wait to see our friends!'_

Music is so soothing for Riley now. Blaring in her ears as she steps through the gates– messenger bag held tightly in hand. Right at the front steps, two of her team mates of the local hockey team greet her.

 _'Oh, oh! There's Amanda! Oh we've missed her!'_

 _'Oh no, she's the one who's…dating Carl. She always blows us off for him, why are we less important to her?'_

' _Ugh, who cares? Carl isn't cute or fun to be around.'_

 _'Wait, since when do we not like him? I thought we liked him? Remember when Riley danced with him at the Christmas party? That was a blast!'  
_

 _'Since never, boys are a gross mystery.'_

 _That's enough to make Joy focus on the screen with a few puzzling thoughts running through her own subconscious. She's 13, they're not that much of a mystery. She thinks to herself_

"Riley! How was your break?" Amanda hugs her, and Kelly stays quiet, "Ignore Kelly for now– nasty ass cold, she said it hurts to talk."

 _'Oh no! We're totally going to get sick! Get us away from her!'_

 _'Hey, hey calm down! We have hand sanitizer in our bag okay? We're totally fine!'_

"Oh, feel better, Kells!" So quickly the headphones are removed from her head, placed around her neck instead, "Uh, it was good, I saw family, and I got a Nintendo 3DS finally! So awesome. I spent most of break playing it actually. Parents hooked me up with tons of games for it."

"That's great, Riley! Aaaand I got some good news for you!" Amanda keeps an arm draped over Riley's shoulder as they step into the school, Kelly parting ways with them, "Carl's best friend Austin? Apparently…he's _so_ into you! Told him on facebook over break!"

 _'Ew, ew, ew, ew! No way. No way, we cannot date Austin– let me handle this.'_

Riley looks to her feet as they stop in front of her locker, "Ugh, does he?" Her face contorts in distaste, "I don't like him."

"Not at all? He's so cute! like, every girl in the school wants to date him!"

 _'Oh, sure! Make it sound like I'm blind just because I don't find Austin cute! I'm so sick of everyone just throwing boys at me! For crying out loud I'm 13 not 30!'_

"No! He's…so not my type! He's gross!"

"Every time a boy likes you, you say he isn't your type! I think your standards are too high."

"Oh, come on they are not!" She unbuttons her coat, stows it away as she gets down on her knees to grab for her books, "I'm just…not really all that interested in dating. We're only 13, and out of all of us, you're the only one with a boyfriend anyway." But she stands, closes her locker, binder clutched close, "But hey, one day, like you with Carl, my Prince Charming will come and sweep me off my feet! Just…not right now." Riley gives a reassuring grin.

And Amanda can only laugh at that statement, "You goofball– Of course you will! You're way too gorgeous to not find happiness like that! Come on, let's get to class."

* * *

"It get's so lonely not having someone's hand to hold. Why do boy's have to be unappealing?"

"Oh, cheer up, Sadness! The right guy will come along! We haven't met anyone decent since the imaginary boyfriend!" Joy waves her arms about triumphantly, looking to show Sadness some form of encouragement.

"Riley wants what Amanda has, but she can't get it."

"You mean because Amanda's dating Carl? But that's okay, they make a cute couple!" Always look at the positives, right?

"No she doesn't like Carl, or any of the boys in her school. They're awful."

"What about–"

Suddenly there's an odd rumbling coming from behind them. Enough to shatter HQ, and the sound of shifting memories can be heard nearly echoing in the room– so abruptly, like an earthquake. Disgust gasps running to the back windows, "Look! A new island formed!"

The others join her, but it's Fear is the only one who seems at all skeptical, rather than excited, "That's weird…I don't recognize that island. Do you think it's bad?!"

The four emotions turn their attention back to the main screen.

* * *

"Good morning, students! I hope you all had a wonderful vacation–" But the teacher is cut off. A student, who enters late, takes away the attention momentarily. All 22 eighth graders now turning to watch her hand in her late pass.

Riley is completely frozen, eyes fixated on the girl.

The sides of her head are almost completely shaved, her hair is dark brown, almost black hair gelled up to one side– a short retro looking boy-style haircut. The girl is clad in a black t shirt, jean vest covered in patches, and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans. On her feet are ratty looking, studded boots, lace up. Her eyes are a gorgeous shade of brown, and her cheek bones _so perfectly_ defined.

"Ah, it seems we have a new student, she transferred from a few towns over! This is Carissa Smith, and she'll be joining us for the remainder of the year! Why don't you take a seat right over there next to Riley?"

Riley is still completely frozen, but her eyes follow the girl as she walks down the row to take her seat. When she finally does, she meets Riley's eyes, raises her eyebrows and flashes her a devious little smile, followed by a wink.

The color rushes to her cheeks.

* * *

Joy leans over the controls in confusion, focused on this 'new student' who's now opening her binder, and proceeding to draw instead of bothering to take notes, "I don't understand– what's she doing? Why is she looking at this girl? Why isn't she paying attention to the teacher? She has to pay attention! She hasn't stopped looking at her even for a second."

As if right on command, the puberty button flashes bright, and Fear jumps back with a yelp, "What's happening! Are we dying?!"

"Oh, will you shut your mouth?! We can't be dying! We're still here, genius!"

Disgust scoffs, stares right at her cuticles as she speaks, "Have you guys, like, not been listening to me this whole time I've worked here?"

Joy puts her hand on Sadness's shoulder as she pushes past her, "What do you mean?"

"Okay, like I said, no, we don't like Austin– Carl's gross too, boy's are gross. I said it so many times, like, boy's are gross."

"Wait…you don't mean–?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

Their gaze returns to the screen once more.

* * *

Carissa manages to meet Riley's eyes again, "You make a habit of not paying attention in class, little miss?"

Riley feels that color in her cheeks again, stammers as she speaks, "G-guess I'm just tired after the break h-heh. You know?"

"I feel you…but if you keep staring." Carissa is flashing a genuine smile now, "I think I'll have to tell the teacher." So clearly joking, she laughs a little. And once Riley joins her, she holds out her hand, "Carissa."

"R-Riley." How embarrassing! She's shaking her hand, but she can feel it! Her palm is so sweaty right now!

"Nice to meet you, you're really pretty."

* * *

There goes that puberty button flashing again as Disgust finally says it, "Yup. I've been saying it forever, guys. She doesn't like boys, she likes girls."

The other three pause, but Sadness is the first to speak, and drop herself right to the ground for the umpteenth time, "But liking girls is _wrong_ by societies standards. We're gonna' get in _so much_ trouble."

"In trouble?!" At this point, Fear is pacing in circles, shaking even, "What will mom and dad say?! What if they kick us out?! Oh goodness, what will our friends think?! What if they think we've been looking at them wrong in the locker room in Gym, or they stop hanging out with us?!"

"God, there you go freakin' out over nothin'! We're gonna' be fine! The solution is simple! We don't tell anyone, and if anybody has the nerve to tell us we're wrong, we just sock em' right in the face."

"Guys, guys! Just…let's all calm down for a minute. Don't you see?! This could be the start…of such a beautiful and magical romance! If Riley likes girls, that's okay! And she doesn't even have to tell anyone! Let's just give this whole thing a chance and take it…one step at a time." Already walking back to the controls, Joy isn't about to put a damper on this party. No, absolutely not, "We love Riley no matter what. Remember that pact we made? We're gonna' stick by it. Let's help her realize that all of this is completely okay! We're here to help you figure this all out, Riley! You aren't alone, and these feelings are totally normal."

The bell rings, and Riley's nervously gathering her things as she stands.

Carissa steps beside her, tucks a section of hair behind Riley's ear, "See you around, Riles."

And just as the classroom clears out, until she is the only one left standing in that room, she places a hand to her ear. Her cheeks flushed a light pink color, "Riles…" And she feels the biggest, happiest smile creeping across her face, "She called me _Riles_."


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter two of Puberty is one *BEEP* of a mess! This one is on the short side as well, but as the story progresses, the chapters will get longer!

* * *

She paces, paces and paces with her hands clasped behind her back. Perhaps it never occurred to Joy that one day, Riley would question everything. Even the complex. God, they grow up fast.

"Joy!" Fear waves his arms about chaotically, "Will you _please_ stop pacing so much? You're giving me anxiety! You don't want Riley to have an attack do you?!"

"Why does every single thing give you anxiety these days?! You've never been this... _this_...!"

"Easy, Anger!" But Joy will so quickly be ignored.

" _Fucking_ annoying!" Puberty is a _bitch_ , isn't it?

"I-I'm sorry! It's just lately, I've been...touchy! It happens! Just don't start using that language so freely! Remember what happened last time-"

"I don't care what happened last time, that girl had it coming! If I didn't call her that word, she would have kept making fun of Amanda!"

"Okay, okay, everyone just-" She's still determined to get things calm if only for a moment at best, "So...Riley likes girls. Is that- what that new island we saw earlier had to do with? ...Disgust?"

The green beauty, who's hands are pressed to the windows as she stares out doesn't turn to face the others waiting for her analysis, "Oh yeah it does...but it's-"

"it's what? It's what?!" Fear really is on edge, isn't he?

"It's not...good."

"Not good?" Joy finally comes to join her, looking out with just as much puzzle, "Then what island is that?"

Sadness, who'd nearly been invisible at this point for how long she's stayed quiet heaves a sigh, "It's _Judgement Island_."

"Judgement Island?"

Anger is even simmering at this point, looking for answers, "That doesn't sound like a very good island- why would a bad island form? Is that even possible?"

"Well." Sadness turns, staring out the window. Her voice is somber, "I was reading up on some of the puberty manuals we got in a couple weeks ago and sometimes negative islands can form." All of the emotions are on their toes, _anxious_ to hear what she has to say, "Judgement Island can form during puberty- it's an island based upon the worry that people will judge you for things you do, say, or even over think. Judgement causes anxiety. Fear's been anxious because Riley might start to have anxiety issues due to fear of judgement."

"Like, fear of being judged for liking girls?" Disgust looks to her distressed co-emotion, the worry is prominent upon her face, "So what do we do, Sadness?"

"Teenagers are stubborn, some things might be out of our control at times. Like, we might tell her to do something, and it won't always work. It means all of us are going to have problems focusing sometimes. The only thing we can do is be here for Riley, try to help her come out of her worries."

"Listen, listen. Why don't we just beat up any of the kids who make fun of us for looking at that Carissa girl?"

"Okay, like, what is your obsession with beating people up?"

"We'll get in trouble if you do that! You know mom's still sour at us for shouting the F bomb during _The Walking Dead_!"

"Big stinkin' deal! We can't just live in fear of judgment! Do we want to get closer to Carissa or not?! Why can't we just _get over it_?!"

"Guys, please! Let's, everyone just take a breath. She's doing her homework." Joy turns their attention to the main screen, "And don't you see? All of this arguing is making it hard for her to focus! So let's just put this behind us for now, and worry about the _Egyptian Gods and Goddesses_."

* * *

Ugh, what a mess. Riley's trying so hard, but right now, her focus is completely shot. All she can think about is the new girl. The way Carissa called her Riles...the way she said she was pretty. With an _angry_ sigh, she tosses her pen onto the desk, and immediately opens her laptop to pull up her search engine.

 _'Too annoyed to focus? Good! Let's google up our apparent issue to get this damn island outta' here!' We don't have time for this- we need to suck it up and get over it.'_

She types rather furiously, the only thing that she can think to search: I am a girl and I don't look at boys... autofill gives a few popular finishes to that sentence:

because they fill me with hate tumblr

because I am gay

because they expect nudes

because I look at girls

does that mean I like girls?

Riley makes her choice and opts for: I am a girl and I don't look at boys because I look at girls.

 _'Anger! Why are you letting her google this?! It'll scare her!'_

I think I might be gay, can you guys share stories of what it was like coming out to your families? I'm not sure how to go about this. I am 13.

 _'No it won't. Because there isn't anything wrong with her, idiot!'_

I got lucky! My parents totally accepted it! I've been with my girlfriend for five years, we're even going to prom together!

 _'Yes there is...everyone's gonna tell us we're gross. They're gonna' hate us so much.'_

...if the school let's us go together. They're saying they don't think it's appropriate. :(

 _'Guys-'_

My story isn't very pretty. I currently am 21 years old and I work at my local Target on the salesfloor. It's full time. I remember being ecstatic to go to college. They caught me with her one night in my room. I was 18.

 _'Ugh, but come on, boy's are so gross! Who cares what anyone else thinks? I am not gonna' let Riley be disgusted by tasting some grimy boy's gross lips on hers that's just way too gross!'_

My mom started crying like the world was ending, and my dad grabbed my wrist and started yelling at me. I remember hearing him say 'you disgusting dyke bitch! how dare you!' and he was shaking me so hard. My girlfriend tried to push him away. He punched her.

 _'Will you all shut up?!'_

The next thing I knew, they were throwing a suitcase on my bed and telling me to pack my bags. They told me to get the fuck out of their house and that they didn't have a daughter anymore.

 _'Guys, stop arguing, please!'_

I didn't get to graduate high school, I didn't get to go to college. I was _homeless for two years, and I lived in the woods_ with my girlfriend (she was in an abusive household so she hit the rode with me- we're both from the so-cal area) who later managed to get a questionable job. Anyway, we live together now in an apartment and for the most part we're happy and things are okay- even if our jobs suck. But it hurts sometimes because... _I lost my family_. And that kills me. If you need someone to talk to sweetie, message me any time.

lost my family.

lost my family.

 _'Mom and dad are going to hate us.'_

Riley slams the laptop shut, roughly runs her fingers through her hair.

 _'No, we're not going to let ourselves go through that bullshit!' Not another curse word._

"God...dammit!" She sighs again, hands now gripping her shoulders, "...Screw that."

 _'Screw that.'_

 _'What does she mean by screw that?! What are we doing?!'_

 _'We're not going to tell any of those assholes in her life that she likes girls!'_

 _'She's getting upset instead of doing her homework- we need her in a good mood! Oh, I know! Music! Let's listen to some music, Riley!' She runs her fingers along the controls, and places the idea in her head, some nice, soft, soothing music will do the trick!_

The young teen reaches for her ihome, and immediately turns it up to full blast. It's more screaming as opposed to singing, angry music- alternative and blaring.

Once the music is up and loud as can be, she throws herself onto her bed, grabs for one of her pillows to smash right over her face. That's when she does it.

She screams into it.

 _Loud._

* * *

The emotions stand in shock watching the scene. It's Disgust who speaks first in a sarcastic tone, "...Yeah, way to go, Joy."

"I-I don't understand! I sent her the imagery of _Taylor Swift_ , why is she listening to her hardcore music! She...went against the happy music?"

"I already told you before." And though Sadness never speaks too loudly, she's capturing their attention. Even over the music that's loud enough to make headquarters shake, "Because puberty makes teenagers manic, she's rebelling and the negative island is distorting what we actually want her to do. You try to get her to listen to _Bad Blood_ , she's going to put on _Reborn_."

Fear hasn't looked away from the currently dark screen, "...Guys...we have a serious problem, don't we?"

* * *

Not again, "Riley..." Her mother knocks on her daughters door, irritated by the volume of that awful blaring music, "Riley! Will you lower that?!"

 _'Oh, is mom really gonna' pull that crap outta her ass right now?!'_

 _'Anger, your language!'_

"It's not even that loud!"

" _Riley Andersen_ , you _turn_ that music down!"

 _'THAT'S IT, WOMAN!'_

" _OKAY_! JESUS _CHRIST_ , JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I JUST WANT TO UNWIND, MY GOD! YOU ACT LIKE THE FREAKING _WORLD_ IS ENDING! IT'S JUST MUSIC."

" _DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME, OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO BE BITTER ABOUT_."

But the music isn't lowered. And her mother gives up. Meanwhile all her mother can think is...

 _'Okay, ladies, we knew this day would come. Our little girl is going through those awkward puberty years. We have to handle this delicately.'_

"...Dinner will be ready in a few, okay, sweetie?" She doesn't have the heart to fight with her right now, nor the energy.

"Whatever." The pillow is dropped to the floor, and she's left staring at her ceiling. Looking at those stars, contemplating everything. What a mess.

 _'...Yeah, I think we might have a problem.'_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 is a go! I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. Remember, go easy on me! This is my first fanfiction in over five years.

* * *

It's late, Joy has yet to sleep. She observes Riley's dream as if searching for some sort of answer to all of this; to know what to expect next, but she's only half paying attention to it. Lately, her dreams are strange, usually filled with anxiety or turmoil of sorts. She'll be on a plane with lots of turbulence. She'll be running late to school and then something awful will happen to her on the walk to campus. She'll be mugged, she'll be grabbed. Riley never wakes, but her mind is always busy, distressed.

Joy sits with a sigh, feels a hand press against her shoulder.

That hand belonging to disgust, "Hey, come on, Joy. Get some sleep. There's no need to stress over this. We've been through hardships with her before."

"...I know that. It's just- I never thought something like this would happen again. Granted, it doesn't seem as bad as last time- all of her islands are in tact, but...negative islands? Who knows what this could do."

"Yeah, but you didn't exactly _know_ what puberty was and when it would happen either." There is a silence between the two for a moment. A comfortable kind of quiet, with nothing but the sound of Riley's dream filling in the lack of conversation. Disgust draws her focus to the dream, perhaps she's just as worried as Joy. She's just better at hiding it, "Look. Riley's going through puberty. All of this is normal. Kids are...well they're going to question themselves, and they're going to rebel. But eventually, they figure things out and everything's okay again. You just have to be there for her. Just like you were last time, Joy."

The other emotion smiles, places her hand atop Disgust's and gives a nod, "You're right." With a melodic laugh, she comes to stand, "After all, we shouldn't stress. Might make it harder on our girl."

"Exactly. Now come on, get some sleep. We'll get the ball rolling tomorrow."

* * *

Of course school had been boring. It dragged on forever. But Friday nights are always the best. Where else are you going to find every kid from literally every local middle school going? Walking about the city streets in search of the mall, of course.

With Riley's hands stuffed into her jacket pockets, she's smiling as she listens to Carl, who's currently teasing his girlfriend by sharing an embarrassing story, "And then she stands up in the middle of class right? And she says to Ms. Hoffman oh my god! Genocide, isn't that a Phil Collin's band?"

"Oh my god, Carl, stop!" The girl covers her face, and Riley is too busy cracking up to even stop the boy from mortifying her.

"I'm trying not to freakin' die of laughter, and Ms. Hoffman's just like '...That would be _Genesis_ , Amanda.' like, yo, way to make the holocaust a joke, babe."

Riley has to cover her mouth as she laughs, "Yeah, way to go, Amanda! I swear you're a drunk."

"I am not a drunk!" But she's laughing too, shoving Riley playfully as they cross the street.

"You are too!"

"Oh hey- look who's gonna chill with us tonight!"

"Who?"

Amanda smiles, "Austin. And he _just_ asked me if you're gonna be there!"

 _'Ugh, oh god no. I want to have a good time. Next he's gonna' be texting us asking if we've ever touched ourselves.'_

Riley just looks ahead, gives a very feigned laugh, "Well...I am gonna be there. Unless you guys plan to ditch me."

"Nah, son." Carl snakes his free arm around Riley, only for a moment to reassure her, "We always chill on Friday's we're not about to leave you behind. But my boy Matt might meet up with us."

"Oh, cool, I like Matt, he's on the hockey team with me."

For a moment there is a sense of peace. These are the times Riley loves most. Being with friends, leaving troubles behind for a while. The three teens are laughing together, waiting to cross the road for one final time before reaching their destination, the mall up ahead. Their steps are fast. But Riley isn't so quick any longer, and instead...is distracted. She is struck in a way she can't even begin to explain. She turns, as if something possesses her to. Right in the middle of that cross walk. There's Carissa who is walking past her, just as Riley is distracted, so is Carissa (who manages to keep walking even so) and looks back to lock eyes with Riley. The two stare at one another, completely captivated. Eventually, the alternative punk that Riley has become so enthralled with turns back around, continues on her way. But Riley remains frozen. She can't move. It's her.

 _'Move! Riley move! We're gonna get hit by a car move!'_

 _In fact, even Joy has become taken. So deeply she can feel what Riley does in this moment, '...Carissa's beautiful.'_

"Riley!" Carl runs back into the street to grab his friend's arm, the sound of a car horn blaring as it zooms right past them and some sort of profanity is being shouted out by the driver. She's dragged safely to the sidewalk, "Jesus, girl, you alright? You froze- you need to sit for a sec?'

 _'Just bullshit him, come on! We don't have time for this! We're here to have a good night and not focus on things.'_

"No- no, I'm fine. I just thought I saw someone."

But Carl eyes her, Looks to Amanda with a calculated expression, "Hey, babe, I'm just gonna get Riley a water from the CVS real quick, can you go inside and score us a table at the food court? We'll meet you in there in ten."

She nods, "Yeah, of course- take it easy for a sec, Riley. I'll get you some fast food, it's on me!"

"Babe, you're the best." He's suave when it comes to the sweet talking, and he allows Amanda to part ways with them with a peck on the cheek. That's when he takes Riley aside, lowers his voice a great deal, "Look. I'm not gonna' judge you and shit. But it was pretty obvious what just happened. To me, at least. Don't think Amanda saw."

 _"Oh god...oh god, oh god, please tell me he didn't see us staring at Carissa!'_

"What? What are you talking about?" Maybe if she acts clueless, the subject will be dropped. At least it's what she's hoping for.

"Oh come on, Riley, don't treat me like I'm stupid."

Riley closes off for a moment, unsure of what to do and terrified of how her friend is about to react. Had she really been caught? She's not even close to ready to reveal this secret. She may not ever be.

"That shit was straight up _Blue Is The Warmest Color_ status."

 _'Fuck, he caught her staring. I swear to god if he says anything bad to her, I'll kick his ass!'_

 _'Just relax, it could be fine!' Hold your temper._

 _'It won't be fine...he's gonna' tell Riley she's creepy. He's not gonna' talk to us anymore.'_

"...You into chicks, Andersen?"

Riley says nothing. And instead opts to look down at her feet, the white portions of her sneakers ruddy from the city's grime. Her gaze looking nothing short of ashamed.

 _'I know, Riley. We're disgusting and creepy. It's okay. We'll learn to deal with being alone.'_

"Hey." Carl is gentle in lifting her chin to meet her eyes. He tries to reassure her as best he can, "You don't have to tell me, it ain't my business and I won't let this talk go past us. Shouldn't have asked a question like that and expected you to answer."

The tears well in Riley's eyes and still she can't say a thing. But she's well on the verge of hysterics.

Instead he tries a different approach, he doesn't want her to cry. So he gives her a smirk, "Saw her lookin' at _you_ too. You bagged a good one Riley, good for you!" And he lightly punches her shoulder.

 _'God, I love her friends.'_

Riley gives a shuddery laugh as she wipes her eyes, "You won't tell anyone? Don't think I'm weird?"

"Nah, of course not. You're still the same person. Now you're just gettin' some!"

And as he laughs, she punches him back with a little more force than he had, "Oh god don't be gross!" But she's back to laughing, "...I don't even know if she likes me. We only talked once, and for like, 30 seconds."

"Trust me. A girl like that?" and he points across the street. Where Carissa stands hugging another girl, and preforming what looks like some kind of intricate friendship handshake, "Is gonna' make a move when she's good and ready. So be on your toes. I saw the way she eyed you. You got this, Riley."

"...Thanks, Carl."

"S'no problem! And I promise, this is in the vault. Now let's go meet up with the crew, I'm hungry."

But as they walk side by side, she has to ask, "Wait what's _Blue Is The Warmest Color_? And why did you watch it?"

"It's a French film, and 'cause I wanted to watch hot girls go at it."

"Oh my god, Carl!"

"What?! It's true! You ever seen it? It's hot as fuck."

"I'm so done with you."

 _'Okay, guys, we know what we're doing when we get home tonight!' For once anger isn't ready to explode._

 _'I'm already on it. I'm going to send her a reminder as she's getting ready for bed to watch Blue Is The Warmest Color. After all, it might give her some clarity!'_

Riley is quiet through dinner in the food court. She's lucky she can blame it on having been dizzy from the incident outside, and lucky for her, Carl easily backs that story up no problem. But all the while, she can do nothing but day dream. About Carissa.

Carissa holding her hand gently. Carissa wrapping her arms around her and touching their noses together with a warm-hearted smile. Carissa placing a hand to her cheek, and slowly leaning in for...

* * *

Joy who's leaning her elbows on the main controls, hands to her cheeks. sighs a very lovesick sigh, "That's such a sweet day dream. I think I like this girl for Riley. She's filling her with lots of good thoughts!"

"B-but Joy, we don't know anything about her! What if she's abusive, or she doesn't like us, or she's not a good person?"

"Well she's _definitely_ better than crusty Austin. The rest of the girls in the school may be dying to date him, but he's not for us." Disgust rolls her eyes, arms folded tightly.

"Oh, what does it matter?" Sadness, who is just as somber as always sinks down in her seat, "I doubt Carissa will fall for us anyway. There are so many prettier girls in this city. We don't have a chance."

"Uh, are you kidding me sadness?" Green lashes batting in a condescending manor, Disgust won't stand for that kind of talk, "Did you not _see_ the way she looked at us? We have this in the bag. We just have to wait for her to make a move...or be brave and make a move."

"No we can't make the first move! We'll embarrass ourselves!"

Joy finally takes her attention off of the main screen to join in on the conversation, "I think...we ought to give Carissa a chance! She could help her get rid of judgement island. We just have to...take it slow."

Fear nods frantically, "Absolutely! If we're going to do this, I think slow is best. Besides, the only one of Riley's friends who even has relationship experience is Amanda. So we're on our own here."

"Do you think Carissa will be at the mall?" Anger is surprisingly calm at the moment, "I mean she was headed in the opposite direction, but it looked like she was greeting a friend, so maybe she's coming back with her?"

"She might be, we'll just have to keep our eyes peeled, and check all of the alternative clothing stores. Don't worry, Riley has them memorized, we're fine. We might even get some cute clothes out of this."

* * *

It's easy to bounce out of the little funk of the earlier conversation with Carl. In fact, by this point, the threesome that had been Carl, Amanda, and Riley, has turned in to a teenage cluster of obnoxious mall rats. Six other kids having met up with them. One of which being Austin...who floods Riley with compliments, and does subtle things like, taking her hand, or pushing her hair behind her ear.

 _'Ugh, gag me, he has got to stop touching us.'_

Riley gives a look of distaste with an uncomfortable sounding chuckle. But it seems Austin can't take the hint. At this point, he's talking about...something. But Riley isn't really paying much attention. At least not when they pass one of the four alternative clothing stores of the three floor mall, _Gutter Punk_ , and through the entrance she can see Carissa, browsing through one of the clothing racks and pulling out a studded leather jacket, looking as though she's contemplating it, "I wanna' check out Gutter Punk, guys."

 _'That's it, Riley! Good girl, you got this, Be confident, go get her!'_

Austin who _still_ has yet to take any hints interjects a little too enthusiastically, "You guys go ahead! I'll keep her company in there."

Amanda winks at Riley, thinking that this is exactly what's meant to happen between the pair (no matter how many times Riley stresses to her that she isn't at all interested in this boy). And Carl shakes his head with a laugh. Oh he _knows_ this can only end in disaster.

Though Austin is following her like a hawk, she attempts to look around. Eventually, she reaches for a pair of black jeans covered in patches. To her luck, they're even her size.

"You think those would look okay?" Austin, who is standing to close for comfort is nearly whispering in her ear.

 _'Ugh gross, so gross! Get him off us!'_

Riley tenses up, steps away, "Please. Don't get so close to me like that."

"Come on, we're practically dating aren't we?" And he smiles, placing his hands on her hips.

She shoves out of his grip, "No no we're not- I'm really sorry, but, I literally have no idea where you got that from. We've hardly ever spoken-"

"Oh man you'd look _nice_ in those." And cramming herself right between Austin and Riley, is Carissa, "You gonna' buy those?"

Riley who is now frozen for the second time today, feels the color forming on her cheeks. Enough heat to make her wish she could take her hoodie off right then and there.

"Do you mind? You just shoved me away from my girlfriend."

"If she's your girlfriend, she must have low expectations."

Riley can't help smiling. Wanting so badly to laugh at that all too perfect come back.

"Not to mention I just heard her say she wasn't, so I'd go meet up with your cluster fuck of friends you passed this place with before I shove my boots up your ass."

"Tch, whatever, dyke."

"Best damn dyke there is." She'll embrace it, rather than take offense to the word. Can't let Austin win, can she?

He's not about to leave without adding, "Don't catch the gay, Riley." hands being waved at his sides before he's backing out."

 _'Too late, buddy, now fuck off.'_

Finally, she rediscovers her words, "Um...thanks for that."

This time Carissa isn't saying anything, and instead she's giving an enticing little smile. Enough to make Riley go weak at the knees.

"My friend Amanda knows he likes me, and like, I told her I don't really like him and now she's playing match maker it's...kind of exhausting."

"Definitely sounds like it." she puts a hand on Riley's arm, gives it a squeeze, "Buy those jeans, you'll look kick ass."

"Thanks, um, yeah I think I'm gonna'." Or at least now she _has_ to. Carissa likes them, that's all the convincing the teen needs.

"Come on." She tilts her head, motioning it towards the registers, "I'm about to pay for my stuff too." Carissa waits for Riley to follow beside her, "So, feel like ditchin' your friends for a bit?"

Like Riley even has to think about that, "Yeah, I'm sure they wouldn't miss me too much." And she'd be nuts to pass up this kind of an opportunity, "Wanna' just wander aimlessly around the mall then?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what?"

Carissa finishes the transition with the cashier, grabs her bag and turns around with a smirk. Leans in close to Riley, eyes locked once more, "Just come with me...and you'll find out." Slowly she pulls back, and walks right out of the store; stands right outside, pulling out her phone and waiting for Riley.

The only thing Riley can do is awkwardly fumble around to hand her money off to the cashier,

...and hear her heart pounding in her ears.


	4. Chapter 4

Here is the next chapter for all of you! I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

It's the weirdest environment. Unexpected, maybe? Though considering Carissa's look, maybe it makes sense. The room is stuffy, kind of hot. It's dimly lit, and the floor looks that of paved concrete. There's a stage on one end of the room, lit up with bright lights and unoccupied instruments. In the back is a bar, but it's not giving out alcoholic beverages, no of course not! Nothing but sodas, waters, fruit juices. It's almost as if she's attending some crust punk gathering for the underage kids. Because every kid here, other than Riley herself, Is the epitome of a gutter crust punk. Mohawks, mop tops, greasy hair, crazy colored locks as far as the eye can see. Plaids, spikes, torn 90′s jeans and docs. And the room is filled with the sound of, by today's standards, _classic_ punk music. _Green Day_ loudly blasting through her ears from the speakers on either side of the small stage.

 _Disgust has just one thing to say, 'This. Place. Is. Awesome! God, it's like I don't even care that half these kids don't look like they've bathed and that the smell in here is horrendous, this place is amazing!'_

Riley is giving a crooked grin, taking in the atmosphere. Though she's just a little nervous, unable to find where Carissa has gone, she's going to enjoy herself in the meantime. But god, she hopes she isn't being stood up here alone! Especially considering how horribly she sticks out right now compared to everyone else. So maybe, Riley is just a tiny bit anxious. She approaches the straight edge style bar, requests a coke with extra ice. It's too hot to go without! And by this point she's unzipping her hoodie, "Thank you!" And while it looks like for the most part kids are taking their drinks without paying, she leaves the man five dollars for being so quick to serve her.

Now, she about faces. Turns to face the stage as she slowly sips the drink, nurses it like nobodies business. Mixing her drinking around with her straw. Part of her wants to branch out, maybe make a few friends. But she doesn't even entirely know what's about to go down here. It would be worse to make a fool of herself. So instead she stands still.

 _'Guys what if she stood us up?!'_

 _'Your logic is ridiculous. Why would she invite us here just to leave us here? Do you even think at all?! Just relax for two damn seconds!'_

 _'Ew, oh god, that kid is sweating profusely on his girlfriend while they make out- why would you even? Eugh!'_

 _'Where's Carissa!?'_

 _'Oh! Oh, the music stopped and people are getting on stage, guys!'_

Yes, there's the singer, the girl Riley noticed when she first walked into the room. A purple mohawk, long black shorts covered in patches, and a crop top with intricate patterns on it, and a pair of beat up docs. She's picking up a guitar as she sets up her mic.

Then there's the bassist. A boy with long, medium brown hair, blue eyes, looking cynical as all hell, but already testing his amp.

Then there's the drummer...the drummer is...

Carissa.

Riley is standing still in complete astonishment. No, this wasn't at all what she had been expecting.

The cheering begins, and everyone's preparing to gather, the room filling fast. But Riley is so agile in breaking through the crowd. If Carissa is about to preform, then she wants to be front and center. It's amazing she even manages to get there, but she does, and god damn she feels unstoppable for it.

 _'Good girl, Riley! Show off that confidence! You're with the drummer!'_

Her eyes light up when the all too attractive musician locks eyes with her, gives her a wink as she picks up those drum sticks. Riley can hardly stand it, and feels the color rushing to her cheeks. This is almost too much!

The lead singer looks to her bassist, then back to her drummer, the beautiful Carissa who's banging her drum sticks together like a mad woman. And just like that, the room is filled again. Pounding, strumming, cheering. Riley's certain she'll be deaf after this! But it'll be worth it. For a middle school band, they aren't too bad. And though the lead singer is doing more screaming than singing...it's good! Besides, Riley is a sucker for the occasional _screamo_ band.

 _'It's way to loud! This music is hurting my own ears!'_

 _'Well I think it's great! Brings out our angry side, we should dance!'_

Just on command, Riley is dropping her head forward harshly. Back and forth, back and forth with the occasional jump or two. She's completely immersed in the music, head banging right along with it, right along with the other punks, who are slowly forming a mob behind her, _moshing_ uncontrollably. The smarter, or really simply less experienced, stay towards the front and away from the eye of the pit. Riley does the same. She's never been part of one before, and from the looks of it, she's absolutely not ready to become one with that crowd. At least not yet.

 _'We are sweating buckets, yet Carissa is still eying us- we're absolutely fabulous today. She's totally in love with us.'_

 _'Wow, I never knew such a gritty scene could be so fun! So joyful!'_

The band continues on for another thirty minutes or so. Apparently, they aren't the only band preforming tonight. Shortly after they exit the stage, Riley pushes her way through the crowd and makes a b-line to the back of the venue. Not only does she need another drink, but she wants to get away from the heat of the stage lights. More importantly, she wants to find Carissa again.

As if the girl is reading her thoughts, just as Riley takes her drink, there is a tap on her shoulder. She turns abruptly to see that beautiful smile greeting her. Short tufts of hair having been pushed back. She's a _goddess_ , "Ohmygod, I probably look like a sweaty beast right now." Thank goodness her cheeks are already red from overheating, she can easily hide the embarrassment with a breathy laugh."

"Nah, you just look like you had a good time! Saw you headbanging- you into this kinda' music usually?"

 _'Come on, Riley. You can do this! Tell her about yourself!'_

"A little, yeah."

"Really?" Carissa is smiling again, a rather surprised smile.

"Really!" Riley can only smile back.

"Got any favorites?"

"Ummm, The Pretty Reckless, Fail Emotions- so yeah, I fall into that drum and bass a lot."

"Nah, it's cool, drum and bass is chill. You got good taste then."

"Thanks, I've just, never really been to a concert or anything like that." She takes a sip of her drink, almost worried she'll run out of things to say.

"So, did you like what you saw?" Carissa is so confident when she speaks, it's as if she has everything figured out. Is anyone actually that perfect?

"...That was amazing. I-I mean- I mean- _you_...were amazing! I just felt so out of place for the first few minutes, but the second you got up there." She looks to her feet, afraid of tripping on her words, or blushing too deeply, "It all went away."

Carissa, who hasn't looked away from her once watches over Riley as if she's looking over something extraordinary. For her, maybe that's exactly what this girl is, "Well, it's easier to play when I've got a nice girl watching front and center." she leans over, runs a hand through the girls hair. Thankfully it's enough to make Riley giggle all too cutely, "You gotta' be home now? It's ten."

"Uh, I should probably head out- I'm sorry. My curfew's 11."

"Don't rush, lemme just grab my jacket and I'll meet you out front. I'll walk you alright?"

 _'Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, SHE WANTS TO WALK US HOME, OH GOD WHAT IF WE MAKE A FOOL OF OURSELVES?!'_

 _'NO! NO THIS IS AMAZING! SHE WANTS TO WALK US HOME, WE ARE SO IN! I'M SO HAPPY FOR RILEY!'_

"Yeah! Sure, I'll be out front. Gotta' text my mom and let her know I'm headed home now anyway."

It's so nice to step out into the cold air. Compared to inside the venue, it's so crisp and cool. She's able to zip her jacket back up, hands shoved into her pockets (after texting mom, of course!) and waiting.

 _'It's been five minutes maybe she's not going to walk us home!'_

 _'Take a chill pill, she had friends in there she's just saying goodbye to them. But ugh, god she better not like them more.'_

 _'We're gonna' be late!'_

 _'If she likes them better I'll strangle those girls!'_

 _'Guys, relax! Here she comes anyway!'_

"Hey, cute stuff." Carissa, zipping up her leather jacket approaches her. Looking as though she's calculating something in her head. Her own emotions getting the best of her, hold her back from making a move of their own, "Let's get you home, okay? You know the way from here?"

"Don't worry, I got this!" Finally, Riley is nothing but confident and bubbly, it shouldn't take us any longer than 30 minutes, unless we take a bus, but-" Does she dare attempt to flirt?

 _'Do it, Riley! Tell her!'_

"...I'd uh- I'd much rather walk with a cute girl who's really talented at playing the drums." Followed by a rather enchanting grin.

 _'Yes! Yes, yes, yes! That's my girl!'_

Even Carissa is forced to look at her own feet with a lovesick gaze, hand covering her mouth as she laughs, "Okay, deal. Then we're roughin' it in the city streets for a while!" But, that's enough of a boost for Carissa's own insecurities to fade, and very briefly (as she doesn't want to push the bar too much), she drapes an arm around Riley.

 _'Oh, look what she did! Is she sweet or what?'_

 _'...I'm going to vomit. I'm so nervous I can't watch!'_

 _'Eat your heart out, other girls! Eat your heart out, Austin!'_

Riley laughs again, at least now they can get to know each other, "So how long have you been playing the drums?"

"Oh, since I was about eight, I think? My dad plays drums, guitar too- he taught me for a while. and then I took classes in school too."

"Wow, so you've been playing a while. How long have you been in that band?"

"About two years, but we only started playing shows this past year. Claire- she's the lead singer, and just really good at meeting the right people, it's how we get gigs. We go way back. We went to private school together for a while. She left a year ago, I left last semester."

"What made you leave?"

"They had us tackle religion and regular studies, I couldn't keep up with both, so my parents thought it was best to get me into a public school." Still feeling confident, "...Which is nice because I met you."

This is nearly too much for Riley to handle. She can't even formulate sentences right now. Too busy doing nothing but smiling and wanting to hide her face all at the same time.

"But I've been babbling too much- tell me about you. What's Riley about?"

"Well, I do like music- but you know that. And, uh, I like hockey. I play on the team at the community center since our school doesn't have an ice hockey team."

"Oh yeah? You been playin' long?"

"Since I could walk practically! I used to live out east, so we had an ice pond, like right by my house."

"Yo, that's sick. What state?"

"Minnesota."

"Oh damn. Hope you know that means I'm gonna' have to embarrass you by showing up to a couple games."

"Oh, you just try to embarrass me! I dare you!"

The two break out in a fit of laughter, pause to shove each other playfully. Before Carissa takes hold of both of Riley's wrists, and the two lock eyes again. And everything between them falls silent.

Carissa, looking more serious, "...Can I ask you something?"

 _'Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, what did we do, oh no it's over!'_

"...Yeah."

 _'Oh god, she's going to ask if we're out. I can feel it.'_

 _'Yeah. We'll say no and then she won't talk to us again...we'll be alone all over again. Sad all over again.'_

"I'm sorry if this is forward."

 _'She's going to absolutely hate us.'_

"No it's okay, go ahead."

 _'Hate us. Hate us. I'd hate us too.'_

"Are you, um, into girls?"

"...I am. It's just..."

"Not out?"

 _'That's it. She's not going to date us. It's over. It's okay, Riley. We can be sad together.'_

"...No. No, I'm not. I-I'm sorry."

Carissa nods, her face hard to read. Until she's letting go of Riley's wrists, hands back in her pockets, "So um, tell me when we're a block away from your house."

 _'Wait, what?'_

Riley looks up to see Carissa, who's pulling a hand out of her jacket, and reaching over to take one of Riley's hands in hers. Riley is completely speechless. Aside from the fact that...

"Just so that I know to let go before we get to your house. You know, so your parents don't see." And she's smiling again.

* * *

The minute that hand is in Riley's, there is a loud explosion. The emotions turn their heads. Just above all of Riley's islands, is a beautiful golden firework, shining in all of it's glory.

Joy is ecstatic, "Wow, guys, did you see that?!"

Even Sadness is impressed, "It's like the Fourth Of July, except Carissa taking Riley's hand isn't based off of a country built on genocide and white privilege."

"Wow, you are a _natural_ at lighting up a room, Sadness." But Disgust can easily brush that off, "I didn't know fireworks could happen above her islands like that."

"I guess..." Joy is thinking on that for a moment, "With puberty comes...explodey...like feelings! And they're personified like this!"

Anger who's happy to embrace anything involving fire, "Well, I think that's great! Fireworks are okay in my book!"

"Let's just hope they don't set her brain on fire!"

* * *

And as they walk, Riley has to be extra certain, "So um, it's okay if...I'm not ready to be out yet?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I just thought...it might upset you, or make you want to stop hanging out with me."

"Not a chance. Besides, some people don't have families as accepting as mine, while others just aren't ready. And there's nothing wrong with not being ready. So, you just take care of yourself." She's quick to give Riley's hand a squeeze.

And though Riley squeezes it back. She quickly lets go of it, "This is my block."

The two walk down the street together, stop in front of her steps, "Well, thanks for coming to watch my band play." All smiles once again.

"Hey, thanks for taking me! I had a lot of fun tonight, really- and...thanks for helping me with Austin at the mall."

"Listen, no one wants greasy boy all over them." She looks at her for a moment before she laughs.

Riley joins in on that laughter shortly after.

There's a moment of awkward standing. The two unsure of what to do. So Carissa holds out her hand for Riley to shake, "See you around?"

And after that hand shake, Riley is bold, gives Carissa a hug, arms slipping under Carissa's.

And Carissa returns it, arms around Riley's shoulders. Squeezing her tight.

 _'Another firework!'_

"I better get inside."

"Aha, yeah." But now Carissa is just as flustered.

"Oh- um, here really quick-" Riley, yet again being confident, passes off her phone, "Let's exchange numbers, yeah?"

"Oh, hell yeah!"

"We're going to sleep so amazing tonight." With a sigh, Joy is watching the scene with such an admiration, "Day dreaming so much about Carissa."

"Okay, I take back every fear from before! This is going great! ...For now, at least."

"Yeah, don't get too excited. There's always a chance she won't date us, or she could cheat."

The door is closed behind her, and Riley leans against it with a smile.

"Oh, someone had fun tonight, hm?"

The trance is broken, "Yeah! I did!"

Her mother, who is sitting on the couch watching tv (with her father who is passed out beside her) pats the free spot next to her, "So what did you do?"

Walking over with caution, she takes the seat offered. Part of her can't wait to tell her mother of her evening. She just won't mention what Carissa is to her, "I did the usual- you know, Amanda, Carl, and I we went to the mall. Then I made this new friend at school- Carissa. She's so awesome! She's in a band and I watched her play!"

"Wow, that certainly sounds fun! When do we meet Carissa? Is she a new student?"

"...Um, I guess whenever."

 _'Oh god, mom and dad will just embarrass us. Like, ugh, please.'_

"And, yeah she's new, she started up about three weeks ago."

"So you think you smell a good friend in her?"

Riley looks to the TV, grinning a happy grin, "...Absolutely, mom."


	5. Chapter 5

Just to be safe, I'm letting you guys know that sexual things are brought up in this chapter and homosexual slurs are uttered so I'm issuing a trigger warning for that just in case. I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter! Buckle up, things are going to start to get dark again.

* * *

"Monday's are _such_ a drag…" Disgust's chin, is perched in her hand, elbow resting on the control table as she heaves a rather bored sounding sigh, "Do you think if we text Carissa we'll get caught? She's across the hall right now probably just as bored, but looking just as godly."

"No way! My body can't take another detention with those awful kids. They're terrifying."

"They're 7th graders, Fear, they're a year younger than us."

"Well they're scary!"

The conversation will be interrupted, however, by Joy, who's been busy thinking about the events of the past few days without rest, "What's confusing to me…" She's staring at her lap, calculating all of this even still, "If Riley's been gay this whole time like Disgust told us, then what about the imaginary boyfriend from a few years ago? Why would she create one?"

"Easy." Disgust sits up, looking all too confident as she answers, "All of the other girls were doing it. That's the impressionable age– you wanna be like everyone else, dress like everyone else, fit in with everyone else." Isn't that obvious? But apparently not, "However," There's a pause, "Joy, what did you notice when you _met_ her imaginary boyfriend?"

It takes a moment for her to recall that day, but, after some consideration, "Well, he didn't say much– I mean, he said he would _die for Riley_ – but it's all he could say…like it'd been rehearsed. He lacked personality. Oh– and he took _a lot_ of selfies."

"Exactly my point."

The other emotions glance at Disgust, completely dumbfounded, "…Okay." Joy makes it known with a shake of her head, "…I'm not following– we're not following you here."

"He lacked personality. Why do you think that is?" She stands, reaches for a nail file that's been hidden in her pocket all day, now scraping along her nails, echoing in headquarters, "Because she didn't _give_ him depth, she didn't _want_ to. He takes selfies a lot because he's selfish and only cares about himself. Ignores Riley completely, and he doesn't have much to say. That's because Riley didn't click with him. He lacked much of anything because she didn't _want_ him to have depth. She didn't _want_ to connect with him." Facing the crew again, the file is put back into her pocket, "She didn't want a boy. But was too afraid to create an imaginary girlfriend. Her subconscious did that all on purpose, because deep down, she's always known what she wanted."

"Guys–" Sadness breaks the now mind blown silence to point at the main screen, "Somethings happening…and it doesn't look good."

* * *

The class only has ten minutes left. The students are free to talk among themselves. Riley is busy by this point.

[text: Carissa]: Come on don't break my heart Andersen /3 haha see a movie with me this weekend! :D

Riley smiles big, but is immediately frightened by the sound of a hand slapping on her desk. She jolts, "Jesus, Chris, what?"

"Oh, no biggie." Until a few eyes are on her now, almost the whole class in fact, "Gotta' text from Austin saying you blew em' off Friday."

Riley, who luckily remains confident, with just a hint of _Disgust_ , shoves her phone into her pocket and closes her binder, "Well, he can't take a hint so–"

"For a girl."

 _'Oh no, oh no. Please god, no! We're not ready to face this yet!'_

Slowly she looks up at him, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear nervously, "…So? I can't go out with other friends now?"

Chris laughs, thumb stroking his lower lip, a few students clustered behind him laughing right along with him, "Did you suck her cunt too?"

Riley looks at him, with bright red cheeks. She's mortified he's even saying those kinds of things! But the anger building up inside of her, she remains silent. Even worse, Amanda is sitting two seats in front of her. She can clearly hear everything, and she says _nothing_. That makes it _boil_.

"Oh my god, it's true, isn't it?!"

"What's true." She's stern.

"You're a freakin' lesbo!"

 _'That son of a fucking bitch.'_

"Shut it, Chris."

"You are! You are, aren't you?! Just tell us."

"I'm not."

Again he laughs, "You two scissor after your little date? No, seriously. How long have you been using those fingers for more than just the ice, Andersen?"

"I'm not gay!"

"Oh, please, you're such a liar!"

"Leave me alone. It isn't even your business regardless!"

 _'I feel it, we're going to cry.'_

 _'We're not fucking crying here. Don't fucking touch any buttons, Sadness. Don't you dare.'_

"Then let's see you gimmie' a kiss, Riley."

 _'Oh I'm so ready for the comeback.'_

"I can't kiss you, I just told you I wasn't into _girls_."

Even Chris's little group get's a laugh out of that one. But for that reason, he's not about to hold back being equally brutal. She's nearly crushed his fragile little ego! Bringing his hands to the sides of his mouth he shouts loudly, "RILEY ANDERSEN IS A LESBIAN! RILEY ANDERSEN IS A LESBIAN, SHE JUST ADMITTED IT!"

With that, Riley, completely furious and embarrassed, slams her hands onto her desk as she stands, one hand fisted as she lunches forward, punches Chris right in the nose. Hard enough for him to fall back onto his desk. Books falling to the floor from the weight of his body dropping back so abruptly.

And her teacher, who has just returned from the main office, only arrives in time to see Riley punch her classmate, but unfortunately, does not witness the events prior and for that reason, "Riley Andersen!"

She stands completely frozen, lips trembling, "B-but he said–!"

"Gather your things and go to the principals office. _Now_."

And so she does just that. Angrily collecting her books, gripping her messenger bag tight. She stops in front of Amanda's desk, shakes her head, "Thanks for having my back over there." It's said very sharp, very sarcastically, "I _really_ appreciate it." And as she steps into the hall, she slams the door shut behind her.

The bell rings, and one by one, students pile into the hall. And Riley, who is unable to control her emotions anymore, pulls her hood up, wipes her eyes with her sleeve. She is hysterical. Tears pouring down her face. Everything around her blurs, and her heart is hurting.

What she doesn't know, is Carissa, now closing her locker door can see her, and passing only moments after, is Chris with a now bloody nose, being escorted by the teacher to the nurses office. Knowing that Amanda is Riley's long time friend, she reaches for her wrist as she passes, "Hey– what went down?"

Amanda, who looks ashamed stutters to say what she has to, "I-I– I don't–"

"Riley's mad she was called out for eating your pussy." Thank god, one of Chris's friends is so ready to be an asshole.

Carissa laughs a very fake, and angry laugh, "I'm sorry, uh," So quickly and with only one hand, she shoves this boy into her locker, "The _fuck_ did you just say?"

"I don't think I stuttered, lesbo."

"And I think Riley's sexual preference isn't your damn business." And again she shoves him, "We didn't do shit this weekend."

"We all saw you two run off!"

"Yeah, to watch my band play at _The Crazy Donkey_ , you pervert!" This time, she's going to make herself perfectly clear, as quickly as possible, "I'm only going to say this once. _You fuck with Riley again, and I will make your life a living hell. Don't fuck with my friends_."

Amanda stands there, her binder clutched to her chest tightly. She feels just a little guilty for not standing up for her friend.

Carissa senses this, but her anger doesn't exactly allow her to approach it in a rational manner. She runs her fingers through her greased hair to push it back away from her face, "And where were you when this was happening? Did you tell the teacher they were harassing her?"

"…Not exactly."

"What's wrong with you?! She's your friend, and you just sat there and let them give her the third degree?!"

"I don't know!"

"Why didn't you defend her?!"

"I don't know!"

"Do you even care at all?!"

"Don't act like I don't care about Riley! I was one of her first friends and you don't have a right to say I don't care about her when you've only known her, like, five minutes!"

Carissa bites her tongue, shakes her head with a sound of distaste. Passes Amanda, quickly uttering, "Sure don't look like you care about her."

The bell rings. Class is back in session.

* * *

[text: Carissa]: Hey are you okay? You were in the hall crying I just wanted to check on you no pressure

By this point Riley is walking home. She had been given the choice of choosing after school detention, or getting no credit for her and being sent home early, and one day suspension the following day. That choice was easy for her.

[text: Riley]: I'm fine thanks. I'm on my way home some of the boys in my class were just being dumb

 _'We need to find happiness right now we're really upset. Okay maybe a memory? Oh! Wait, she got a text lets see!'_

[text: Carissa]: Saw Chris's nose…you got em good lmao

Riley reads the text with a smile, wipes her eyes with a giggle before she's feeling slightly better already

[text: Riley]: Yeah? He started to cry ahaha

[text: Carissa]: Oh god, so brilliant lol

[text: Carissa]: He shouldn't have said those things to you. I told his friend off for you

[text: Riley]: Yeah?

 _She came to my defense?_

[text: Carissa]: Yeah

Now, not only is she smiling, but bushing. At a loss for words.

[text: Riley]: …Thank you 3

[text: Carissa]: No problem, ice hound. I'll call you later tonight and check in

Texting Carissa almost makes her forget that she'll soon have to deal with her mother and her father lecturing her two different times that night.

* * *

"So you punched him?"

"…Kinda."

"Riley! We didn't raise you this way! I have a lot of errands to run tomorrow, and now I have to stay home and watch you!"

"Oh my god, mom, I'm 13, I can handle myself, just do your stupid errands!" She scoffs as if completely shocked that her mother has the audacity to treat her this way right now.

"No I can't! Because you're grounded for the rest of the week! Do you know that your father is livid at work right now? What on earth made you _punch_ him?"

"Because." Now she's closing up.

 _'We can't tell her now. She'll get so upset if we're gay.'_

"Because why."

 _'Please don't make us say it, mom!'_

"Because!"

"That's not a good enough answer right now!"

 _'Dammit, woman, you better not ask us if it's true!'_

"They were calling me gay for hanging out with my friend Friday!"

 _'…Oh boy.'_

Her mother pauses, hand resting on her hip. She looks away from her daughter now, "…What made them say that, Riley?"

Riley, teeth tearing her lower lip apart, tries very hard not to cry. Her eyes glossy with tears, "…Because-h–" Her voice hoarse, "This boy Austin was-h– he was touching me-h– at the mall." She looks down at her lap with utter guilt, "He put his hands on my hips and stuff and I kept asking him to stop because I don't like him that way. So Carissa told him to back off-h and he wouldn't let up so she pulled me away to hang out away from him-h– and so everyone spread a rumor that I didn't like him because…"

Before Riley can continue, the conversation takes a strange turn when her mother asks, "Is Carissa gay?"

 _'Wait, what? Why is she asking that?'_

 _'She's not gonna' let us hang out with her anymore, is she?'_

"Huh?" Riley is just as confused.

"Is Carissa gay, Riley?"

"What? I-I don't know, I never asked– does it matter?"

"Does she like you that way?"

"We're just friends."

 _I had a feeling for so long now_ , "Do you like her that way?"

"Mom, we're just friends, and I just don't like Austin! I wanted him to leave me alone!"

 _For so long. I think it's been obvious this whole time_ , "If he touches you again and you don't like it, please tell me– tell a teacher. Just because he likes you doesn't mean you have to like him back." She sits down beside her daughter, pushes her hair back, "You don't owe him anything." She sighs, "I'm sorry I got so angry. But just know that even though he was harassing you, doesn't mean you should have gotten physical and punched him. I'm going to call your school and explain what Christopher and Austin–"

"Mom, please don't–"

"But they have to know that you didn't just–"

"Please, mom, please don't! You'll make it worse– please!"

With yet another sigh, she nods, "Okay…I won't." And she embraces her daughter tightly, "You're still grounded for one week. Just…no going out." She doesn't have the heart to give her a full punishment in this situation, "And no staying up late tonight. Now go upstairs and do your homework, alright?"

"…I'm really sorry I did that."

"It's okay, honey, just go up and do your homework."

She leaves without a word.

[text: Riley]: Can't see a movie this weekend with you got grounded :(

[text: Carissa]: Bummer :( there's always next weekend?

[text: Riley]: For sure!

[text: Carissa]: 3

There's some hesitation.

[text: Riley]: 3

And she cannot help but cover her face, a mix of warm feelings flowing through her.

* * *

"Wow, okay, so bad day, but it turned out pretty great!"

"Yeah, gotta' hand it to you, Joy, I was convinced she wouldn't smile for a while after that _gross_ display, but man, Carissa really helps bring the good feelings out."

"We're on cloud 9!"

"I don't know about that, Joy…"

"Come on, Sadness, how can you say that?"

All she has to do is point to the main screen where Riley's facebook newsfeed from her laptop is being displayed.

Austin Whatsgudbro updated his cover photo.

All it is, is a black photo with white text that reads: Riley Andersen LOVES girls!

75 Likes

250 Comments

 _Ahahaha how's Chris's nose after the lesbian confrontation?_

 _OMG! Do you think she looks at me in the locker room?!_

 _I have to switch gym classes now she's in mine! :(_

 _You guys are being assholes leave her alone holy shit_

 _^no_

 _You guys are awful_

 _You mean funny lol  
_

 _tbh i think Carissa what's her face like converted her lol.  
_

 _(tagged) Amanda, you're not gay too right?_

 _No of course not!_

 _Lmaooooo I always knew she was gay!_

Riley stares at the screen, eyes watering again. Mind completely void of all thoughts. There's only one feeling right now: hurt.

She can't look away from the screen.


	6. Chapter 6

Massive trigger warning for the following: self harm, subtle suicide mention, anxiety, homosexual slurs.

This chapter is longer than my other one's so I apologize if there are typo's I've missed. I always re-read all of my chapters, especially to get musey for my up coming ones. So if I catch any during re-reads, I'll be sure to fix them! Enjoy, and good luck. I cried writing this one.

* * *

"Guys, we've been doing this all day! Checking facebook is only going to make her more upset, can't we call it a day and do something that'll make her feel better?"

"No way, Joy! I want to see what these assholes are too afraid to say to my face!"

"I want to see how many gross girls who tan way too much think they have a shot with me- ugh, you _really_ think I sneak a peak at _you_ , Bella? _As if_!"

"I just want to remind myself how much everyone hates me like I've always known."

"God, I'm freaking out- what if people beat us up?! Or we get kicked off the hockey team?! We can't _ever_ go to school again!"

"Come on, guys, please..." As much as Joy wants to retaliate and insist that they have Riley close her laptop and find something much more productive to do, she...strangely doesn't have the energy to argue with her co-emotions, "...Five more minutes, guys, then let's just maybe watch silly YouTube videos."

* * *

She can't help scrolling through the continuous comments. Every few minutes, more are added. Even worse, people have tagged her in some. Chris even tagged her in the cover photo itself.

 _She doesn't look gay! She should cut her hair to get the dyke effect lmao_

 _Guys fuck off, stop being dicks! Regardless of her sexuality it's noones business and isnt funny!_

 _Yeah u guys are so mean!_

 _I'm so relieved they're letting me change in the regular bathrooms at school during gym so she can't look at me!_

 _(tagged) Riley Andersen._

 _(tagged) Riley Andersen_

 _(tagged) Riley come look lol_

 _I always knew she was a fag she used to look pictures of girl celebs in fifth grade computer class lol_

 _Woah so she was gay before she moved here?! lmao that's too much!_

 _Surprised she hasn't come to her own defense by now ahahaa._

 _(tagged) Riley Andersen come on I've got popcorn over here getting cold come defend your lesbian gay ass! lolololol._

 _I'm mad she's gay I woulda dated her lol maybe I can convert her_

 _(tagged) Riley just fuckin admit it!_

Every single comment sends a different rush of emotions through her, she can't even keep up with them. She's angry, she's disgusted, she's scared, she's sad; feeling everything but _happy_.

That's gone.

She jolts, however, at the sound of a knock on the door.

 _'Quick! Minimize the browsers so mom doesn't see!'_

"Uh-!" She does just that, egged on by fear of her mother seeing, "Come in!" And so quickly she's back to writing an essay.

Her mothers voice will not be the one that soon fills the room, "Studious even on her day off, what a good girl."

Riley looks behind her, grinning from ear to ear, "Carissa? What are you doing here?" Naturally she's ecstatic to see the one person who's on her side right now (so it seems).

"Your mom let me in, she's nice. I came to drop off your notes from class today. Your teachers said you're excused from the homework, just to take these notes and look em' over." She steps forward, drops them onto Riley's desk.

Riley is already flipping through them, her emotions are at ease right now. They always seem to come to a calming halt when Carissa is around. When she's near, everything is just...okay. They're right- _all_ is right with the world, "Thanks."

"...So how you doin'? Lot of talk goin' around the school. But don't worry, I'm shutting people down real fast."

Riley can't help but laugh, "Little miss tough girl, huh?"

"Hey! I ain't no _little_ miss!" She joins in on the laughter, pushes Riley's bedhead back.

"I'm doing okay."

 _'What is she doing?! That's not the truth- she lied straight to Carissa's face.'_

"Are you sure?" She doesn't mean to look at her with sympathy, no one likes that. But she's worried, who wouldn't be?

Riley doesn't say anything.

"Because it's okay if you're not."

 _'No, we're going to lie. Right now she needs to stop focusing on the negative. Think of it Riley- on the bright side, this made Carissa come over! So all is well.'_

 _'But she's hurting, Joy. It's not real happiness.'_

With a feigned smile, she nods, "I'm okay. I'll walk to class tomorrow with my head held high, and I'll ignore all the jerks."

Carissa can only nod, "Come here." She opens her arms.

Riley, right on command, and this time with a genuine smile, steps forward and right into Carissa's tight embrace. She snakes her arms under her crushes; sighs.

Carissa, resting her chin atop Riley's, sighs as well, rocks her gently, presses a kiss to her hair.

 _'Another firework! That one was more than one color!'_

 _'Wow, at this rate we might have a first kiss we actually like!'_

 _'But she already had a first kiss, dummy.'_

 _'It doesn't count if she didn't like it!'_

"You're gonna be okay, Riley. I'm here for you, okay?"

"...Thank you, Carissa. I mean it- that means a lot."

"I better get going, my mom'll have my head on the table for dinner if I'm late, aha." She pulls back, reluctantly so.

As does Riley who gives a gentle chuckle, tucking a messy bit of clearly un-brushed hair behind her ear, "Um, yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

And as Carissa stands in the doorway, she turns around just once with a grin, "Tomorrow." And shuts the door behind her.

* * *

The night thankfully isn't too awful. Dinner is pretty relaxed, though a little quiet. Her mother even had prepared her favorite meal! Riley finishes her school work, avoids social media for the evening. And after her room is tidied up a bit, she showers, brushes her teeth, and changes into the same pajamas from earlier. She's about to knock on her parents bedroom door to bid them goodnight, but something stops her in her tracks.

 _'They're talking, but it sounds like arguing.'_

 _'Oh no, I hope they're not getting divorced!'_

 _'Calm down, it could be nothing! Let's just...listen in.'_

Obviously she misses a decent chunk of where the conversation began, but she's able to catch the ending of her mother's statement, "Look, she just said she was bringing her notes from school, she wasn't here for more than ten minutes."

"Did you not see how she was dressed? That hair? That girl...isn't-"

"Isn't _what_ , dear."

"You know what."

"Does it matter if she's gay?

"Yes! Of course it does! We didn't raise Riley to-"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this right now!"

 _'Oh my god.'_

 _'...Dad sounds mad! Are we in trouble?!'_

 _'Be quiet, idiot!'_

"I-I know."

 _'...Mom's...crying.'_

"I-I know we didn't. I always-h- I always pictured her a certain way-h. You know, long white gown, and a handsome husband, this isn't what I wanted-h."

"So what do we do if it's what..."

 _'Ugh, I think we're going to be sick-!'_

The unfortunate thing is Riley steps away before she can hear her mother's kind voice saying, "We love her. Even if it takes some getting used to. Because no matter what, she's our baby and we'll support her." And her father agreeing without hesitation.

Riley shuts her door as quietly as she can, and she slides down it. Her eyes are glossy with tears. And her chest feels tight.

 _'G-guys, I can't breathe.'_

Heavy.

 _'Fear? What's wrong?'_

 _'G-Guys-h!'_

And Riley, bringing her knees to her chest, struggles to breathe, the tears pouring down her face. She can only whimper. Attempt to breathe, and fail.

 _'Okay, okay! Fear-! Fear, come on!'_

 _'D-Don't touch me Joy-h!'_

 _'Well, what do you want us to do?!'_

 _'What's going on with you, snap out if this, dammit!'_

 _'A-Anxiety!'_

 _'It's okay...come on, Fear.' Sadness steps forward, 'Come on, look at me, watch me and focus. We'll point things out.'_

 _'I-I see headquarters, and Joy...I see Disgust.'_

"Mh-h j-just look at the flowers-h, look at the bed, Riley-h-" She slowly manages to catch her breath, trying her best to talk herself out of panic mode, "You're okay, you're-h gonna-h be okay-h!"

 _'I'm okay...we're okay.'_

 _'You're okay, Fear.'_

 _'Everything's okay, just sit and relax.'_

 _Sadness is still at the main controls._

And so Riley, who's finally breathing properly again, places her fist to her lips, bites gently at her skin. She breaks down for real, a hysterical mess, "Oh god-h-" finally covering her face with both of her hands, "Oh god, what do I do? What the hell do I do-hoo-hoo-hoo-h?"

 _'Did we just have an anxiety attack? What the fuck was that about?'_

 _'Anger! Language!' As if it matters right now._

 _'That was awful, I hope it doesn't happen again, it'll make us vomit or something- yuck!'_

 _'Joy, we just have to let her cry for a bit, then when you can...send her the memories of that night with Carissa after the mall. Just to get her to sleep.'_

 _'...If I have the energy, Sadness, I'll do my best. That anxiety attack...it took a lot out of us.'_

* * *

The crying had tired her out the night before, and even though she wakes feeling rather exhausted, at least she slept fairly well. Walking through the hallways, she's internally panicking, having no idea what to expect. The morning isn't too awful. She has two classes with Carissa, who wastes no time sitting beside her, and giving threatening looks to anyone who even attempts to crack a joke, or approach Riley for the wrong reasons.

 _'So far so good, guys! And look how attentive Carissa is!'_

"Hey, Andersen I heard you sucked-"

Carissa stands, lunges forward, straight into the students face, "You back it up, unless you want to see what it's like to have that binder of yours shoved down your throat."

The student, having been intimidated, walks away. Face white as the classroom walls.

Carissa turns to Riley, and the two can't help the silent bit of laughter they share together as they settle in their desks and prepare for the class to begin. Maybe today won't be so bad for Riley.

Until the end of the day. Gym class.

Riley shows up a little late, by no more than a minute or so. (She'd forgotten her gym clothes in her regular locker). The moment she enters the girls locker room, a hush falls over the room. It's silent and it's awkward. She pauses, face changing from neutral to nervous, "Uh." Her messenger bag is clutched tight, "...Did I miss something?"

 _'Oh no- what's happening!'_

 _'Shut up! Don't get so freaked out, just wait!'_

No one answers. Instead, they look around at one another, hoping that one of their peers will answer that question. No one wants to be the person to start this.

 _'No, this isn't happening. This can't be happening! Her day was going so well!'_

 _'I knew this would happen, good never lasts. Let me handle this.'_

"Guys, you're kinda' freaking me out." Riley knows exactly what's happening here. And she's trying so hard not to let that lump in her throat to take over her. Or those watery eyes to build up even further.

 _'No way, Sadness, let me put these girls in their place first, dammit!'_

She swallows hard, eyes fighting the urge to burst, "One of you say something! Is this about Chris's facebook cover photo?!" Still a silence, "Just answer me! I have a right to know if I did something!"

 _'BEFORE I RAGE!'_

"You didn't!" squeaks Kristen, standing towards the back of the lockers. All eyes fall on her now.

Riley's eyes her as well, the look of anger turning to a bitter sort of surprised look, she hardly knows this girl, yet she's opting to speak for everyone? It's getting harder to hold back. She sniffles, "Then what-h?" she can feel her nose reddening by the minute.

"We just..." She sighs, looking slightly apologetic, "The girls and I- we all had a group facebook chat last night."

 _'...Take it from here, Sadness. I'm too tired for this bullshit.' Everyone's tired lately, even Joy._

"You just what-h?" She bites her lower lip now. God, she can't cry right now. But at the same time it's becoming more and more ridiculous to fight the urge considering the fact that it's so obvious she's about to break down.

"We just...we- look, Riley, you're a great girl, and you're really nice and everything." Kristen looks to her feet now, "We just don't feel comfortable changing in here with...you maybe being, you know, the way you are."

Riley is in shock. Eyes wide, feeling as though she's entranced. This can't be happening!

 _'That's it, isn't it? It's over, we have nothing.'_

"It's- it's nothing personal! We'd feel that way about Carissa too! We just...would prefer it if maybe you could change in the girl's bathroom?"

 _'Woah- woah, what's happening?!'_

 _'Her islands are off again-!''_

 _'All at the same time?! That's worse than last time! How is that possible?!'_

 _'I guess at this age all it takes is one thing to completely bring her down! It must be part of puberty or...or something! Right, Sadness?'_

 _'We can't lose those islands, why are they turning off?! Sadness do something!'_

 _'Don't worry I have a solution, just everyone stop getting all...in my face.'_

Riley nods, finally let's the tears fall, "Honestly-h? S-screw all of you-h. We were fine with each other-h until e-everyone started acting like assholes because I didn't-h want to date Austin!" She about faces, she can't do this, "Tell Mr. Franzke I threw up-h and I'm going home!"

It'll prove to be a weak argument considering she has to run across the gym to exit the school. And as she dashes out, crying hysterically, and very loudly, the only thing she can hear is the laughter of a few male students and the sound of her gym teacher shouting _'Andersen! What's wrong- where are you going?!'_

She's going home, unapologetic for doing so.

* * *

It'll be worse when the girl returns home. Her mother is out shopping, her father is still at work. She darts up the stairs and slams her bedroom door shut. Her bag is dropped to the floor, her hoodie taken off. Riley drops her weight onto her bed, cries into her pillow, full force. The tears won't stop. She's hurt, beyond repair. Riley's mind is empty. She can only recall two facts: her parents hate who she's become, and so do all of her friends. She has nothing to live for. She's completely and utterly alone.

This goes on for 45 minutes before things finally, out of nowhere, come to a halt. She has no tears left in her.

* * *

"It's really easier to explain than you think." Sadness begins, "It's...not just puberty. I mean, that's not helping. But when it comes to illness, if you're sad, all it takes is one bad thing to completely make Riley spiral down."

"Wait, she's sick?" Fear is obviously panicking now, "W-We have to tell Joy! Are- are we talking worse than two years ago? Are we talking _diagnose-able_ _mental illness_ here?!"

Anger can't even speak, this is simply too much to take in right now.

"The big worry wort is right." For once, Disgust doesn't really have any smart remarks to give, "We can't keep this from her, she has a right to know that we can't just fix-" They'll soon be cut off from there little meeting.

"Finally she stopped crying! Let's get her a happy-" Joy is ready to move on, but something isn't right, "Woah- hey, the control lights are off."

"Oh boy, this is what happened two years ago."

"What are you talking about, Fear?" Keep it cool.

He sighs, "Don't you remember? Two years ago, when she tried to run away. The controls shut off, and when that happened, we couldn't make her feel anything."

Joy is at a loss, "I...I have no idea what to do- what do we do?" And why is her memory so off? Two years ago isn't that long of a span. She should remember that this happened once before.

Disgust interjects, "Well, Sadness fixed it last time."

"I..." She fiddles with her fingers, "Riley's mind is clouded. In her thoughts, she's broken beyond repair. Even if it's not true and just what she's convincing herself by overthinking. She'll have to...make herself come out of it."

"There has to be something we can do!" Joy is desperate.

Anger might even be too, "Yeah, we can't just sit and do nothing! Whatever it takes, Sadness."

Sadness steps back, reaching for one of those light bulbs. It's dusty, looks very questionable, "Do you mean that?"

Joy is very _very_ desperate, "I mean that! We need an idea that will work just so we can get the controls back!"

"Just remember, Joy." She begins as the light bulb is placed into the lifeless desk, "You said anything."

* * *

Nothing feels real right now. It's like she's living in a dream. Did today even happen? Will she wake up, and find that everything will be okay? How can she tell? Her eyes lock with her desk. And when they do, she slowly sits up. She crosses over to it, picking up something cold, metal. She presses the bottom, pushing it up, eyeing it with tear stained cheeks as though her solution has been discovered.

A box cutter.

 _'Sadness- what is she doing?'_

 _'She's going to make herself feel again.'_

Riley extends her arm out, draws the box cutter a little ways above her wrist, careful not to be too close to her vein.

 _'Sadness- w-wait, Sadness I-I changed my mind- don't do this, she can't do this I've changed my mind-!'_

 _'It's the only way, Joy.'_

 _'But she's hurting herself!'_

 _'Not yet.'_

 _'Sadness, take it out, don't let her do this-h!'_

She presses it into herself, sucks in a breath of pain.

 _'SADNESS I'VE CHANGED MY MIND!' Joy is screaming, begging now, but Disgust and Anger hold her back, 'STOP! PLEASE-H! PLEASE-H STOP! FIND ANOTHER WAY!'_

And slowly, the girl drags it harshly straight across her skin, cutting just deep enough, with a wince of pain, "Nh-hn-!"

 _'PLEASE, SADNESS! PLEASE-H I-I'M BEGGING YOU-H!' Now who's crying?_

 _'See? The controls are back on.'_

 _Joy is still crying, shaking her head, yet at the same time, something changes in her. She wipes her eyes, watching the desk slowly light up once again._

Riley drops the metal object, runs across the hall and to the bathroom, quick to run her bleeding arm right under the cold water of the faucet. Oh, it stings. The whole time she can only think _I'm so stupid what did I just do?!_ While doing her best to clean the wound. Sure, it may have been stupid, but she feels... _better_. No longer anxious, or empty. And so she stares at her reflection in the mirror, crying hysterically once again, feeling both regret and relief. A very discomforting mix. She'll take this over the feeling she felt in the locker room, however.

 _'...Good job, Sadness.'_

 _The team is shocked to hear Joy express that._

 _'...It was no problem, Joy. I knew we could fix it.'_

 _'But did it really fix her, you guys?' Fear is skeptical._

There's one thing Sadness is neglecting to tell Joy: that light bulb won't be so easy to get out of the desk. Because this sort of thing? It's addicting.


	7. Chapter 7

Trigger warning for: Self harm, enjoy this chapter! Despite the dark parts, there's going to be a few cute surprises!

* * *

 _'You know, I never thought I'd be disgusted with Riley, but she's wearing the same outfit for the third day! And ugh, she didn't even shower last night or this morning.'_

 _'What if her friends say something? That'll be so embarrassing.'_

 _'Come on, guys, it's not so bad. And...I mean, if that happens, we just tell them we've been super busy lately, you know, that we've hardly had any time for anything.'_

Like clockwork, she's returning back into the school building after lunch hour when one of her friends, Jensen catches up to her, "Hey-! Riley, are you doing okay? You were so quiet at lunch. And...I know it shouldn't really matter, or whatever, but like, you've been wearing the same clothes for a few days now. So...I just wanted to check in."

"Huh?" It takes her a moment to process, for some reason, Riley's memory is shot lately. Not even that, but her focus is a mess. She can hardly remember anything, "I've just been really busy with stuff. Like family stuff and school, so sometimes I wake up past my alarm and just grab what's on my floor which happened to be this."

"Oh. Well, okay...you sure everything is okay with you?"

Riley says nothing.

But Jensen stops in front of her, "I know kids have been giving you a ton of hate for your sexuality."

Again Riley says nothing, just looks to her friend instead of her feet.

"But those kids- the stupid popular kids, I mean, everyone already hates them. And I mean, they aren't even all that. I bet half of them are curious too! I've been curious."

"You mean-?"

Jensen just nods, "We don't need to talk about it. Just...try not to let it get to you. They're so pathetic. You're not, right?" It's spoken with a spunky grin.

 _'Yes we are.'_

Riley just gives a small nod, "I actually have a bit of a headache too so I'm gonna go to the nurses office. Can you maybe send me your notes tomorrow at lunch?"

"...Yeah, whatever you want, Riley." The look of concern on Jensen's face says it all. But she's not going to push any of this further,

And Riley? Well, she's going to go home early, she doesn't feel like being here. Days seem less carefree. She can't get through them so easy any longer.

* * *

"She's going home _again_?"

"We can't keep doing this, Joy, she's going to fail or have to repeat 8th grade! That'd be such a crushing blow for her and she's better than that."

"Fear is right, and we _are_ so much better than this."

Joy leans forward in her seat, takes a deep breath, "Lately it's tough to get through the day...and I don't even know why. Lately, happiness inside of her, feels...fake. I have no idea what to do."

"I'll tell you what to do." Anger sounds strangely calm, but it doesn't last once he's banging his fist on the desk's surface in front of him just below the buttons, "We can stop telling her fillet her damn arm every time the controls go out!"

"Well- well what else are we supposed to do? When they go out, memories don't always work!"

"Because you're not trying hard enough, Joy!"

The emotions sit there in complete silence, surprised somebody finally had the gall to say it.

Joy slowly stands from her chair, fingers gripping the edge of the controls, but her gaze is on Anger, "...I can't believe you just said that."

"I'm just saying what everyone here is thinking. You- you send Riley one mediocre memory, and when it doesn't work, ya quit! Call me crazy, Joy, but that's a mediocre effort. The real you, the real _Joy_? Wouldn't quit after one memory, she'd keep trying until she found the right one!"

Now Joy, too, is standing in silence.

"Even more than that, if you were really putting in such a valiant effort, you wouldn't _need_ more than one try. Because you'd remember her best and happiest memories, and it would only take one to have her smiling again."

"It's not that easy, Anger."

"Oh no?"

"No!"

"But it was so easy weeks ago?! Months ago?!"

"I-" She's on the verge of tears.

"Then what's changed!"

"Because I don't remember any!"

Even anger is taken back by this, "...The fuck did you just say?"

Fear places a hand atop Joy's, "What- what do you mean you don't _remember_? Are you serious?"

"I-I don't know I-h-" She takes her hand away, covers her face with both before running them through her hair in a frustrated manner, "I don't know what it is-h- but- every time you guys all look to me to fix it, to get something good in her head so she can feel better, it's like suddenly everything is jumbled. Like, suddenly I can't remember anything before this...darkness clouding her foggy islands. I can't remember things that happened in her past other than sad things. I can only remember up to a few weeks ago, and I have no idea why."

Sadness taps Fear on the shoulder gently, By this point, Joy's hands are back covering her face and she's not holding back her tears any longer. Fear's attention is averted to the main screen because of Sadness's cue. Their focus (on the main screen) now is on her arm. The arm that right now, Riley is staring at. Multiple scars covering her forearm, and her fingertips of her right hand carefully grazing over them.

"You have to tell her, Sadness."

"Yeah?"

"Those scars- they're like craters of missing information. She's losing herself, and Joy needs to know why."

Disgust who's now doing her best to console Joy, is rubbing her back, all while nodding in the other two's direction. She agrees it's definitely time. Something has to be said.

"I'm just so tired lately, you know? I don't even know why."

"I know why." Begins Sadness, standing up from her seat.

"...You do?" She's wiping her eyes, taking a breath.

"Now, you might want to sit down."

Joy can already tell by the looks on everyone else that this isn't going to be something good, and already it seems like everything around her is blurring as she slowly takes her seat, eyes glued to Sadness.

"This isn't going to be easy to hear." She sighs, "Riley's sick."

"S-Sick? But we had a check up a few weeks ago, the doctor said she was healthy-"

"Not physically, Joy."

She pauses.

"She's mentally sick. We think she might have some anxiety problems which...stem from moderate to severe depression."

Joy slowly raises both arms, hands covering her mouth in disbelief, "No."

"She has trouble sleeping, and when she finally does it doesn't matter if she gets a full night or not, she's always exhausted."

"No"

"She doesn't shower as much or she repeats outfits for days on end-" Disgust has to add that point in there.

"And she hurts herself a lot."

"Please-"

"So much that she's practically running out of room on her forearm, Joy." And the final blow, "And the other night when you were sleeping and Fear and I stayed on on dream duty, she was dreaming about death. But not just dying- but doing so by her own hand-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, SHE'S NOT SICK!" Her voice echoes loudly around the room.

"SHE IS!" Anger grabs Joy's wrist tight, shakes her, "She's sick and you need to open your eyes and see it or she'll never get better! She fucking _needs_ you, Joy!"

"Let go of me!" She looks at him with such disgust and discomfort. How dare her grab her wrist? How dare everybody gang up on her, "I'm going to bed, I'm too tired to deal with this now."

"It's 1:45 PM!" Fear is in disbelief right now.

But she's already stepping away, ignoring him completely. And with the sound of pounding footsteps, she utters, " _She's not sick_." But Joy isn't blind, just in denial. Maybe she's known for a while now.

She just didn't want to believe it.

"So what do we do now?" All eyes are on Sadness.

"...I guess, we just try to finish out this day without Joy, and hope to god her controls don't go out."

(If the music is still playing you can close it now!)

* * *

It's been weeks now, weeks of emptiness. There's no other way to describe it. Riley isn't quite so chipper anymore and it's getting harder and harder for her to hide the pain she's feeling. But the anxiety of judgement makes it an impossible task to reach out to others, to convey her feelings. It's almost as if there are no words in this world that can sum up what she's going through. Maybe her mind is creating a million and one excuses...because she wants to deny the major problem. She doesn't want help, she's _fine_.

...Isn't she?

Why are the comments getting to her so much? Why can't she brush it off, pick up the pieces? Since when has she been so sensitive, what's so wrong with being attracted to girls? Her mind tells her: _everything_.

It's late, now. At least 2 AM, if not later. Riley's afraid to check her phone in fear of realizing she's been up for hours, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Her mind is a mess, everything is jumbled, she's lost weight; is in a constant state of tired. Tired in her mind, body and soul. She's exhausted, sad- an awful mix, to say the least. It's...so difficult to function lately. It's like...something in her brain has turned off...

Why can't she fall asleep?

* * *

"Joy..." The only one awake at this late an hour, monitoring dreams (which haven't happened even once tonight) is Sadness, sounding somber and regretful. Strangely enough, she seems to have taken most of the reigns lately. The other emotions aren't themselves. Well...they are, but they've become lazy. Giving up halfway through tasks, or providing minimal effort. For weeks they argue about how Sadness handle's it better, she can do it herself. They'll whine up and down how they're just _too tired for this_ right now.

Fear is doing his best (out of all of the underachievers), but if Riley needs sleep, Fear isn't the answer right now. Joy is.

"Joy, please." She shakes her co-emotion, "The controls are off again, you have to help me prevent her from cutting."

"Mhh...handle it, I'm exhausted." Not even a single sound of concern is present in Joy's voice, "I trust you, handle it."

Sadness, in complete shock, steps away. Back to the controls she'll go, tapping that light bulb, just to get the idea back in her head- the one that's always in the back of her mind.

* * *

The girl is so abrupt in sitting up, reaching for that box cutter. hidden away in her drawer in a small jewelry box. It's routine to her now as she sits pretzel style, turns on her light, another cut across her left wrist...between old scars, some fresher than others. Her forearm is covered, and she doesn't care.

But each passing night...

It's becoming increasingly difficult to focus, to sleep. It takes more and more cuts at a time to get herself temporarily back together. More and more slashes to her once empty arm.

 _'It's okay, Riley. Just work with me. I'm here for you, the others don't understand your pain. But I do, just...cut it out for me.'_

And just like that, what was once beautiful skin has become ugly, cursed with self affliction and empathy. The desire to feel, to become herself again. But with each harsh slit, more of her personality becomes altered, seeps out of those wounds, becoming nothing more than a trait of the past.

But it get's worse.

Islands begin to crumble: First, Fashion Island...

 _"Riley Andersen get your butt downstairs before you're late! I do not want to have to drive you again!"_

 _"Okay! God!" She's wearing the same outfit she has been for the past week._

Hockey Island...

"I don't understand, Andersen- you're our best player! Why are you quitting on us? We need you." The coach isn't being harsh, if anything, he's more worried than all else.

"...There's been some...family stuff going on. I need to focus on that. And so, I don't have time for hockey right now, I'm sorry." She can't face him, stares at her hands which twiddle nervously.

"...I understand, I'm sorry to hear Riley." He places a hand on her shoulder, "If you ever have the time to come back- feel up to it, you just come to me. You're always welcome." He sighs, "I really am sorry to hear, Riley."

"Me too." It's said with watery, guilty eyes.

Goofball Island...

"Come on Riley! That video was so funny how are you not hysterical?!"

"Sorry, 'Manda, I missed it, could you play it again? Mom texted." It'll be a feigned laugh, she's too busy thinking browsing facebook pages nearly dedicated to laughing at her expense. How her sexuality is the cause for all of this. How her life is over. How the other kids in her school are right. She's a hot mess, and she has nobody to blame but herself.

Cut...

 _Cut..._

 _Cut..._

 _...Deeper..._

 _...Dee..._

 _...Per..._

* * *

"I've called this meeting to address something important."

"Sadness, I appreciate you taking the reigns and all, but Riley's in the middle of class. What if she get's called on?"

"She's taking a test, we have 42 minutes, and I'm not going to mince words with you guys."

The emotions sit in a circle, close to the window that reveal islands that are only half functioning, or gone all together. And a deep foggy haze is clouding them. It's been weeks and it's catching up. Hey, at least _judgement island_ seems to be alive and well.

"Listen." She sighs, hands dismissively waving, "Riley's getting worse. Half the time, her controls turn off without warning, and because you guys aren't helping me come up with memories to get her at least feeling a little more...you know, alive, I guess, she resorts to cutting herself."

"Oh and that's my fault?!" Anger seems to lash out at the smallest things lately.

Disgust is no better, "Sadness, if we're gonna' go pointing fingers, you're the reason her arm looks so ugly now! You started this. We can't even wear short sleeves anymore! If we do, Fear'll have a damn heart attack."

"Can you blame me?! If someone see's they'll tell mom and dad or a teacher or something and then the secret is out that we're a screwed up mess!"

Joy doesn't say a word.

"Guys!" Sadness shouts loudly enough to get the others to simmer down, "My point is, you all have to start making a little more effort. I can't do this alone because it's okay to be sad, but not _this_ sad. This kind of sadness can become addictive and in some cases, permanent. And if you guys are putting in little to no effort, she forgets what it's like to be happy, or anything other than sad."

"Well then why aren't you fucking yelling at Joy? All she does is sleep lately! We're halfway through the day and she's out like a light!"

And now their eyes are on Joy.

She looks up from her lap, puts her hands together, "I'm just really tired lately. When Riley doesn't sleep, I never wake feeling rested enough. But I'll try harder, I do want her happy. I..I really did mean it when I said, whatever it takes to keep those controls functioning, Sadness. The problem is, there isn't much we can do at once. She's become so...fragile that we really have to tread lightly- take things one at a time. Keeping the controls going is unfortunately my main concern right now. Until we can get her to wean away from the bad stuff and keep those controls on for good, we need to take things slow, not expect too much. We have to...be prepared for disappointments, and then do our best to distract her from them when they happen."

"Then it's agreed, we'll all start pulling our weight, okay?"

"Then doesn't that mean we should go get help? Tell mom and dad?" Joy is so eager.

"No!" Shouts Fear, "No, no! We can't tell anyone! They'll make us go to a hospital and we'll have to leave school and then Carissa might fall in love with someone else, and she's the only good thing Riley has!"

To everyone's surprise, Joy agrees, "You're right. Besides, It'd be too exhausting to deal with any of this around professionals anyway, they'll judge her like they know her better than we do. And they don't."

* * *

Riley is so thankful when the final bell rings. She walks beside Amanda who's chatting her ear off about how excited she is for her big date tonight with her boyfriend. After all, it's Valentine's Day, "He won't tell me where he's taking me! He just said to dress nice, but I'm so excited! He's so romantic! He even bought me chocolates! The kind in the heart shaped boxes, you know?"

"That's really sweet of him. My mom gave me one this morning, just one of the small ones that has those coconut chocolates in them? I love those." She's half distracted. Between the sounds of loud students cheering about having a week off, all while trying to hold her books as she's pulling the lock free from her locker handle, ready to get her things neatly tucked away for the week. Winter vacation with no homework means no need for books.

"Ooh me too!"

"I know! When I was little, my mom used to-" Riley, is now frozen in front of her open locker. The happiness is back, somewhat.

Amanda turns, grinning from ear to ear, "Aw! Someone put a bouquet of roses in your locker!"

 _'Oh my goodness! Carissa gave us roses for Valentine's Day! This is officially the best day ever!'_

 _"You sure they're from her? I don't see a card."_

 _'A dozen! She's a classy woman, isn't she? She's spoiling us like we rightfully deserve."_

 _'They'll be so pretty when they die.'_

 _'Way to be a downer, Sadness.'_

 _'Not so down! When they die we can press them into one of our books to flatten them! Keep them forever!'_

"...Yeah." She pulls them out, in search of a note, which she doesn't find.

"Who're they from?"

"It doesn't say." As if she doesn't know. She doesn't need a note.

"Bummer. But hey, that's still so cute! Maybe your secret crush will come find you during the break!"

"...I think so." Her eyes gaze across the hall, watching the figure who's leaning against the wall and watching her with folded arms. Little does Riley know, Carissa's been standing there for 15 minutes since the bell rang, waiting to be sure she could catch her reaction before heading home. She gives her a warm smile and a nod before she walks off.

God, she's such a _goddess_. A regular androgynous _prince_ in Riley's eyes! How is she always so smooth?

* * *

Really it's all about timing. Because as soon as Carissa steps away, she tugs on her ear nervously and fists her free hand, pushing it towards herself feeling so good about what she's done. In her head, this means _score_! The whole day her stomach had been in knots waiting to see her crushes reaction. She's crazy about Riley, and they're not even dating. But god, she wants to be so bad.

It's Amanda's boyfriend who ends up standing alongside Carissa and laughing at her, "Good one, Casanova, two hours ago you almost vomit out of fear she'll hate it- now you're fist bumpin' the air. Feeling better?"

"Oh shut up, that took courage!"

"Told you she'd love roses. No fake."

"...Thanks for your help, dude."

"No problem, it's Carl, by the way."

"Right, sorry- I'm shit with names."

"So, why don't you ask her out? She's obviously into you, bro."

"I'm too nervous." Not so suave behind closed doors. She's a dork just like any other, "Especially because kids are giving her shit- she's not out yet, I don't wanna' pressure her. I like her a lot, I don't wanna' screw it up."

"How about this." Carl, the man full of ideas, "We've got next week off, Amanda and I will make plans and text Riley to chill around the city and just hit it all up, we tell her it's gonna' be the three of us. So it won't be labeled as a date, but it'll kinda be like a sort of double date. No labels, just the four of us hanging out with no judgement. Just us dicking around."

"...Okay, just let me know when?"

"Deal."

The two shake hands, smile at one another. This is exactly what everyone needs.


	8. Chapter 8

I hope you guys enjoy chapter 8! I promise this is a light-hearted one. Can't make them all dark, can we?

* * *

A sunny day, today. Her room is bright, and clean. She managed to have motivation all morning to tidy up. With beautiful roses complimenting her desk in a glass vase, Riley spent most of the early afternoon staring at them with a genuine smile while re-reading text messages.

[group text: Carl]: Yeah we thought we could hit up the city and maybe catch a movie and stuff!

[group text: Amanda]: I'm in! Mom said yes!

[group text: Riley]: Hang on! Just woke up lemme ask my mom!

[group text: Carissa]: I'm at my dad's this weekend he said he's cool with me going as long as he can have your numbers for in case purposes?

[group text: Carl]: Yeah that's fine! We'll keep you safe :P

[group text: Amanda]: Same!

[group text: Riley]: Mom's taking me to shop with her because I want some face wash but I'm free at 2 PM!

[group text: Carl]: Sweet the three of us will pick you up like 2:30ish?

But those aren't the most vital texts she's re-reading...

[text: Carissa]: Can't wait to see the cutest girl from our school today! 3

[text: Riley]: Me neither :P 3

[text: Carissa]: Can I ask you something?

[text: Riley]: Sure

[text: Carissa]: I know you're not out yet and I respect that but since Carl and Amanda are your friends like...

[text: Carissa]: Would it be okay if I maybe held your hand a little bit today?

That text still sends a spark through her no matter how many times she re-reads it.

[text: Riley]: Actually um. Carl kind of knows lol

[text: Carissa]: That you like girls?

[text: Riley]: Yeah he's the only one

After all she doesn't know Carl has been helping Carissa score points with Riley either.

[text: Riley]: But I would like to hold your hand a little bit today too :)

[text: Carissa]: :)

* * *

"This is so exciting!" Disgust is nearly jumping for joy, "Do you understand that hand holding is practically the first step to a proper relationship? I mean, we could have girlfriend status as early as next month! In time for Riley's birthday! And this little fish might even earn herself some birthday kisses!"

"Yeah, but we haven't even been kissed yet. She may not want to kiss us."

"Oh, take a chill pill, Sadness. Carissa's taking it slow and I think that's classy!"

Fear is just shocked that days seem to be flying by, "I can't believe it's already almost her birthday, what we're-"

"Just about two weeks away! Hopefully March is filled with sun and love!"

"So Disgust, what are we going to wear for this hangout?" Anger seems to do a lot of asking questions lately. He's been arguing that it helps to keep him at ease. And for some reason it's been easier to set Riley off. He wants her to be calmer, he's trying to help.

"Well for shopping with mom, I figure we keep it casual!" After all, according to the main screen they're already out the door, "Just a pair of yoga pants, a tank top and one of those cool boho sweaters with our slippers. But when we get back, I'm thinking some black leggings and her shiny midnight blue docs! God we look fab in those- then that over-sized sweater that's the black with the fluffy rainbow polka 'll look adorable."

"Oh I love that outfit." Even Sadness is smiling, "Remember when we wore that sweater last year on Dad's birthday and they Riley got a really awful case of the stomach virus?"

The other emotions stare at her without a word.

"And then she felt like, miserable, and whenever she threw up she couldn't control he tears or her bowe-"

"Okay, Sadness, enough before we all projectile in here." Disgust is having none of it, "Besides nothing can spoil this day. Not even our chipped nail polish on our toes that we haven't gotten rid of for months. Like I said, we'll look adorable. Especially since the weight-loss, we'll be gorgeous."

"...You shouldn't be encouraging the weight loss, it's because she doesn't eat as much."

"Well, yeah, but...she looks good. It's fine. Back to day dreaming about the date, please."

* * *

Riley's so anxious right now for shopping to be done. She follows her mother around _Target_ , hands in the pockets of her sweater, tapping nervously, "Can we _go_ now?"

"Relax, Riley, it's 1:15 and your friends are coming to get you at 2:30. Besides, they're not going anywhere without you."

 _'Of course you can say that. You're not about to spend time with THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!'_

Riley sighs rather angrily, but doesn't say a word.

"You look a little but thinner, or maybe it's the sweater. Have you lost weight?"

 _'Oh no, don't tell me she's about to lecture her in the middle of the store.'_

"Uh- maybe? I-I don't know. I don't really keep track of that sort of thing."

"...Oh." Her mother observes her, "Okay, well, just know that you're not the least bit overweight and...you look find as you are okay?"

"I know." Let the eye rolling commence.

 _'Why does she make an issue out of EVERYTHING? It's so annoying!'_

"Okay, honey. Let's check out. I've just got to grab some milk."

 _'FINALLY' that was said in unison by every emotion._

"Okay, mom! I'll meet you up front!"

 _'Oh god, oh god, oh god, I really hope mom comes back before it's our turn!'_

 _'I'm so ready for this date- well, actually it's not a date, but I'm still dressing in that outfit I mentioned before.'_

 _'You never know! This could open the door to Carissa asking us out!'_

* * *

"Or you know, maybe _we_ could ask _her_ out." Disgust seems to be the only one thinking for the modern day, huh?

"Are you _crazy_? We can't!"

"I don't get it, Fear, give me one good reason we can't ask when she's _obviously_ into us!"

He hesitates, twiddling his fingers and staring at the floor. It isn't until his eyes finally lift, peer over to the green co-emotion, "...She might say no." That his insecurity is drawn to the spotlight.

"We're not going to let fear of rejection ruin this."

"Of course we can, Disgust! We've got that nifty island over there to help hold us back!" Which he points to for emphasis.

"Well, it would be easier to blow right past if her other islands were functioning better!" That's when she dares to turn her gaze to Joy, "You know, if _someone_ would admit that it's a good idea to tell someone so we can go to a therapist or something?!"

"We already discussed this." Joy's voice is very stern and she doesn't even face the others. The focus remains on the main screen, watching Riley change and stand in front of her full length mirror. She's determined to give Riley that confidence she needs. It seems to work, the girl smiles at her reflection, reaching for her makeup bag to apply a bit of eyeliner, "That won't do her any good right now because if they see her arm, they might take her to a hospital and isolate her from her friends and family. Right now Carissa makes her happy. If that get's taken away from her she might get worse. So we just have to handle it ourselves and carefully and remember to _all do our part_ just like we promised."

Disgust shakes her head. Deep down, she knows this is wrong to ignore, but, "...We were able to restore everything last time, right?" She looks to the others.

"R-Right." Fear agrees with a bit of hesitation, "We did. Got the islands back, got our girl back."

"And we can do it again." Joy finally turns her back to the screen and faces the others with a half smile, "So there's no problem here. We can fight this. Without fancy medicines and strangers asking us how we feel today. So let's just give Riley the confidence she needs and have a good time out with friends! Okay?"

Anger is the first to take his seat back at the controls, "Damn straight. I've worked too hard to keep this pent up anger from allowing me to be confident with this girl who's been patient with me. Fuck everyone else!"

"And Riley looks way too cute to give a half assed effort- come on, girl that's too much eyeliner! Get a makeup cloth, let's do it again before they get here!"

Joy is ecstatic to be seeing this.

"And you know what? This sadness can work in our favor, now I can be a little less likely to be goofy which means I'm less likely to do something cripplingly embarrassing."

"And hey! We haven't had an earthquake in months, and I don't have to worry about embarrassing stains that could in no way possibly happen because it's not our time of the month and Riley's wearing all black! I can push those nerves into...letting Carissa do most of the talking!"

"That's it, guys! We're going to have a great time with everyone!"

"Oh boy, here we go. That was mom, they're here!" Fear is already trembling.

"Let's do this."

* * *

"Keep your cell phone on, and you text me and keep me posted on what you're doing." Her mother is speaking as her daughter rushes around, gathering her messenger bag.

"Okay, mom!"

And her dad enters from the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand, "And let us know what time you'll be home- if you're short on money, call us, we'll come pick you up. Don't be any later than-"

"11 PM, I know dad."

 _'Does he honestly think after two years of the same curfew we'd forget? Shut up already!'_

"Have a good time, sweetie!"

But no way. Dad has to make it worse, "Carissa's with them- double date?"

The mother's eyes say it all: I'm going to kill you as soon as there are no witnesses.

Riley freezes

 _'O-Oh shit-!' Wow, they got Fear of all emotions to say a bad word!_

The mother elbows her husband. The situation is very delicate. What is it about father's being so utterly clueless about the fact that certain things shouldn't be talked about unless their child brings it up first?

 _'What the fuck do we say?!' Another curse word out of him!_

"N-No, what gave you that idea?"

Her father does his best to fix his mistake, "Just joking, monkey! I've seen how Amanda and her boyfriend are, you know, being all lovey dovey...it's like when they're on a date everyone is!" Good save. _Not_.

Riley just does her best not too look too embarrassed and groans loudly, "You are so weird." She reaches for the doorknob, this conversation is over.

Once the door is shut behind her, her mother folds her arms and looks to her husband without a word.

"...Was I wrong again?"

The mother is quiet still.

"Should I not have..said that?"

"Of course you shouldn't! We don't even know if she goes for... _you know_ , and even if she does- she hasn't said anything so it isn't our business until she decides to make it our business!"

"Well, don't you think in order to make her more comfortable we should normalize this whole gay thing?"

" _This whole gay thing_? It's a sexuality, dear, not a UFO."

"...I don't get it. I just made a joke!" And the only thing coming to mind is: I think I said something wrong but dammit it's like walking on land mines with this woman!

She walks away with only one thought in her mind: this man is clueless.

"What'd I do! I said we should normalize it! What'd I do?!"

* * *

Riley will be thankful she left before hearing _that_ conversation. Instead she greets her three friends with a _genuine_ smile, "Hey guys!"

Amanda is the first to hug her tight, "You look so cute! Is that the sweater from the thrift shop? The one I have in pink?!"

"Uh, yeah, same one!"

Carl fist bumps Riley in the process, "We're gonna head to the carnival by the pier and then maybe catch a movie, sound cool?"

"Sounds great." Just as she lets go of her friend.

Carissa gives her a hug shortly after.

 _'God she smells good- is that old spice she's wearing?'_

"Hi, Carissa."

"Good to see you, dork." But she'll whisper the next part, "I agree with Amanda. Youlookcute." It's said so quickly. Could it be? Carissa is just as nervous? Maybe that cool exterior is slowly crumbling.

"Come on, assholes, let's go!" Carl is eager to get moving.

The others laugh and run to catch up. Everything seems to be going surprisingly well. Everyone is walking side by side, talking over each other and laughing at stupid inside jokes and sharing stories. But finally, the chance to learn a little more about someone most important today.

"So Carissa!" Amanda begins, "What made you move? You like it here?"

She looks straight ahead, "Yeah, I do." Her hands are in her jean pockets, before she's looking past Riley and meeting with her friends eyes again, "And, my parents got divorced about...I think it's 3 years ago now? We had a house, but my mom decided to sell it because it was just me, her and my little brother. Then she found out the office she worked in has a location here. So we got a three bedroom apartment, and transferred here. I like it better because there's more to do around here and I had trouble making friends in my old school- it was a religious school."

"I'm surprised." Carl adds in, "You're so chill, how could you have trouble making friends?"

"It was a religious school, so coming out was a bad idea. People didn't want to be associated with me because they knew it meant that teachers would accuse them of being gay too. It was a bad place. Even worse, I wasn't the only gay kid. So it was just really shitty. People are way more open here."

Riley is absolutely glued to her every word. Maybe taking some sort of encouragement from it.

"I mean, yeah, you're always gonna' get a few kids raggin' on you, especially if they're in that popular crowd, or whatever. But once you're confident in yourself, once you just...are ready to come out and not worry about what others think, it's so easy to brush past."

And it's so encouraging to hear. So much that she looks away from Carissa to smile to herself, "That's really brave, you know?"

"I'll tell you, I remember I sat in history class the first day a few weeks back right? That kid Austin whatever his name is, is sitting next to me. And he does like." She widens her eyes, makes a rather unpleasant face. Clearly making fun of the look the boy had given her and the other three burst out laughing in turn, "This weird ass double take and looks at me like 'ew are you gay?!' and I couldn't even give a proper come back so all I said was- " and now Carissa is laughing before she can finish the story, "All I could manage to get out was 'ew are you?!' and I just awkwardly looked away like dear god what have I done?! I'm not smooth at all!"

The laughing between the three hasn't stopped, but Carl calms down first, "I hate that kid, we used to be really close, but he's just become such a dick. I mean why does anyone's sexuality matter? Like, bro, worry about the fact that you still can't use the bathroom anywhere except at home."

"Oh man!" Let the laughing continue.

The night is really just filled with a lot of laughter. They arrive at the pier, start the afternoon off with games. Carl is determined that he can throw those knock off baseball's hard enough to knock the heavy bottles down and win his girlfriend a prize, "Back up, guys, my guns might kill you."

Carissa see's that as a challenge and throw's three dollars down, "Gimmie three, this kid is lookin' for a challenge."

Riley is standing beside her, feeling so nervous. All she can manage is, "You got this honey-" and immediately she covers her mouth.

 _'Oh no, what've we done?!'_

 _'And Amanda totally heard. Carl too- nice going, guys.'_

 _'At least Carl knows about the gay thing, though!'_

 _'Not about this crush thing, though!'_

Even worse? Carissa heard it. Because she turns to look at Riley. Their eyes lock. Her stare is unreadable, until those lips curl into a smile. But not that cool and confident smile Riley is so used to seeing. No, no. Those cool cheeks turn pink, and that confident smile is a beautiful array of emotions: flattered, excited, shy, and maybe a little love sick, "Damn straight I got this, baby."

 _'baby?!'_

Now who's cheeks are pink?

But now it's time to let the moment pass. After all, she's got a challenge ahead of her. And so she's calculating the glass bottles, "I'm gonna' kick your ass, Carl!'

The two are in mid battle. The first ball is thrown by each, they both don't knock down a single bottle. The second ball is raised.

And Amanda comes to stand beside Riley, as the two stand back, "Hey." She begins.

Riley's almost to afraid to look at her friend, but she does.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to judge or assume anything, here. But if what you said wasn't just a joke."

"Look-"

"Just let me finish."

 _'That's it. She's not gonna' wanna' be our friend.'_

"...I think you guys will make the cutest couple ever."

 _'What?' Unison once again._

And the genuine smile is back, with so much relief, "Thanks, Manda'." She has to hug her for that one.

The two battlers we're neck and neck for the first swing. Carl knocks down the first two rows, and Carissa only the first row. That earns them each a small prize.

Carl of course, wins his girlfriend the teddy bear holding the red heart which earns him a kiss.

"Aw, you two are so disgusting acting so cute like that!" Riley laughs at them playfully, just as playful as the statement itself had been.

"Maybe we can beat em' one day." Because Carissa, speaking from behind Riley snakes her arm around to drop the stuffed toy in Riley's hand.

 _'Sh-She won us a stuffed animal?! I'm gonna' die! That's it. I'm dying- I'm totally dying. I can feel us blushing right now.'_

The floppy eared bunny rabbit wearing a red tailcoat, "Way cooler than a teddy bear."

"Whatever, Carissa, still got one more row than you did!"

"You got that outta' sheer luck!"

"Keep the peace, guys!" Amanda, now grabbing hold of Carl's hand, is already pulling him in another direction, "Come on, guys, let's grab some food!"

Even dinner is filled with nothing but laughs. The four kids each have a slice of pizza and split a large fry between them with cokes. Amanda checks movie times while Riley talks about the glory days of Hockey and how she made 30 goals one season.

Thankfully Amanda doesn't bring up the fact that she recently decided to quit the team. After all, the team only heard 'family reasons' perhaps she figures it's not appropriate to bring up. Riley is relieved.

And after dinner, they go on a few rides before agreeing to walk to the theater.

 _'Be brave, Riley, it's now or never.'_

And Riley is very discreet in reaching for Carissa's hand, lacing their fingers together.

Carissa's no longer looking at the city lights, but instead the focus is on Riley, and she smiles.

"You did say you would hold my hand a little bit." Where is this sudden burst of confidence coming from? It's how she used to be...and oh god, she's missed it.

"I did, didn't I?" She laughs, allowing them to step a little bit behind the other couple. Carl and Amanda are smart in realizing it's been purposely done, and they continue on walking, careful to be sure to lead the way.

"So um." Riley tucks her hair behind her ear, which proves to be not much help, considering it's getting windier by the minute, "I meant to, um, to ask."

 _'Deep breaths, Riley, you can do this.'_

"I was wondering." The confidence falls out of fear of _judgement_. The fear of rejection, "...Have you ever had a real girlfriend before or just crushes?"

 _'Dammit, we were soooo close!'_

"Just one." She's willing to answer, "She cheated on me with this kid in our class. Turns out she was 'just visiting'."

"That's rough." Again the hair is tucked behind her ear. What a corward for backing out, "I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine."

"Ever had a boyfriend? I don't say girlfriend because you said you're not out and never ever...yeah."

"I had a date with one once that...I thought I liked. It turned out, I just...kind of convinced myself I liked him because he liked me. He treated me nice and we had stuff in common and so...I believed it for a while, but on the date...I kind of realized that, there weren't feelings there. He even kissed me and...I felt nothing. I went home and cried because it scared me I guess. Especially because I realized I guess I kind of led him on because I didn't actually like him like that, only as a friend."

 _'Still feel crummy for that one.'_

 _'Is that the reason he barely texts back?'_

 _'Yeah'_

"Hey, don't feel so bad. It's not your fault. You were confused and you didn't know- I've done that too. Just focus on what's ahead for you. The past is the past for a reason, you know?"

 _'Exactly!'_

"...Yeah." She's smiling again, "You're right."

"On that note, popcorn is on me."

* * *

"This hangout is going incredibly well!" Joy couldn't be happier.

"Yeah, except she chickened out on asking her on a date because of stupid judgement island."

"Then we just have to try harder! There'll be some time after the movie! We can't give up yet."

"Well let me at it! I am PUMPED!"

"Uh, this might not be the best thing for you to handle anger." Fear definitely has a point.

"But I'm feelin' confident!"

"Let me and Joy handle this, we' have got this in the bag!"

"My pity could help too."

"Uh, Sadness." Joy puts a hand atop hers, "You've been great, you really have- a true leader. But let Disgust and I handle this, alright?"

"Look!" It's Fear who notices first, "Carissa just took out hand!"

"They're watching the movie and holding hands! They're practically a real couple!" Joy takes hold of the controls.

Apparently that's enough confidence for Riley to lean into her a little, "My god this is going brilliantly!"

"Let's just hope after the movie we can get the big question out!" Disgust is running to her side, "We should take her to the skate park or maybe to a concert!"

"One thing at a time, one thing at a time!"

* * *

After the movie, Amanda and Carl part ways with Riley and Carissa. Suddenly Carl is looking for alone time with his girl. And maybe that as something Carissa and Carl had planned far before this night even started. Because, "Come on, dork, I'll walk you home." And she offers her hand to Riley again who happily allows their fingers to lace for the third time tonight.

The walk is so nice and calm, everything is so perfect that she actually feels her heart sink when she knows they're only minutes away from her house, "Thanks for walking me home. You didn't have to, you know."

"No problem. Besides, I wanted to."

"How far do you live from me?"

"Not too far, I'm pretty close to the school, actually. About a block away, it's convenient for days I accidentally forget to set my alarm, aha. Dad's ten minute's further. Another reason we moved her. Then he could be closer to his kids."

"Oh, wow, you're so lucky! You can afford to sleep in a little more."

 _'Aw, the walk is over. We're home.'_

"Thanks for hanging out with us tonight, Riley. I had an awesome time. You better take good care of that rabbit."

"Scouts honor." With a giggle, she sticks out her tongue.

Carissa goes to turn around, but just as she does.

"-Hey."

She turns right back around, "Yeah?"

"...You um."

 _'Like a band aid, Riley, come on!'_

 _'Just do it really fast so she doesn't have the chance to say no!' Guess anger and Fear did do her good._

"...Youwannagooutwithme?"

Carissa walks up those stairs, stands right next to her with a smile and her hands in her pockets, "I do." And she leans right in to kiss her cheek, very close to her lips. But she's out of there so quickly. Obviously just as terrified and nervous as Riley, completely amazed at the fact that she braved a kiss, "Text me details." And she's already halfway down the block.

Riley stands in shock. Her chest exploding, and her mind so clouded. But her hands come to close over her mouth with a muffled scream as she jumps around in circles because _she kissed me on the cheek! She freaking kissed me on the cheek!_

Meanwhile, a block over, the supposed confident punk is smiling with the reddest cheeks in the world, hands in the air. And with a, "Holy shit!" She, too, is now jumping in circles right on the sidewalk with a happy laugh because _I kissed her cheek. And she freaking asked me out on a date!_

This is the start of something incredible.


	9. Chapter 9

Another chapter finished! Enjoy the cute fluff of chapter 9! I'm sorry if their are typos, this chapter is long, and I re-read it tons of times but I may not have caught some. I'll keep reading to be double sure! I just didn't want to keep this chapter from you guys. This is a very exciting one, but I won't spoil the ending. :)

Trigger Warning: Suicide Mention, Self Harm Mention

* * *

The end of the day, finally. With midterms having been finished up and things seeming to quiet down in school, Riley's mellowed out. Just a little. Even better, no relapses in two weeks! Since the night she spent with Carissa, Carl and Amanda.

Speak of the devil. As she's closing her locker, Amanda comes to greet her, "Hey, birthday girl!"

Riley chuckles, rolling her eyes jokingly, "Not for three more days, 'Manda."

"So, you haven't told me if you're having a party or not!"

She tenses, eyes staring off to the side as they walk off and out of the building, "It's just that...I don't know if I'm feeling up for a party after everything's been so screwed up."

It breaks her best friend's heart to hear, "Come on, Riley. Don't let those idiots spoil your birthday! Besides, it's not like you'd be inviting them. Just invite the hockey team and your friends from school. It'll be fun!"

The air is so warm today. Warmer than it had been for a few weeks, and it's so nice. Riley prefers the warm weather. But now it looks as though she's contemplating the party after all. Amanda's right, deep down she truly knows it. And she loves to throw a good party.

"And it's been exactly three months since the Christmas party, which means three months since we all played the _Rent_ soundtrack and rocked out to _La Vie Boheme_! And we're nothing without our _Mimi Marquez_!" Amanda nudges Riley gently, snaking an arm around her, "Come on, say yes! I'll even come over early Saturday and help you set up."

The earns another little smile, "Okay, okay. I'll throw a party and invite everyone on Facebook when I get home."

"Yes! So are you going to invite Carissa?"

"Do you think she'd come?"

"You're ridiculous if you think she _wouldn't_ come."

 _'How come Riley hasn't asked her about that whole ordeal months ago when Amanda didn't come to her defense?'_

 _'I don't know, she doesn't usually let things go like that. Should we be worried?'_

"Wanna come inside? Mom made cookies- she texted me about it."

"Sure! I haven't seen your mom in ages, We should probably talk to her about your party anyway!"

 _'Why is it that lately I can't stand how bubbly she is? And also she's the worst player on the hockey team I don't even know why they keep her.'_

 _'Harsh, Anger.'_

 _'Looks like judgement island also makes Riley way more judgmental too.'_

* * *

"Okay guys, this is big. Riley is turning _fourteen_ in three days. This is a huge deal! So we have to start planning things out. Any suggestions?" Joy is closely resembling her usual self. She's more bright eyed and bushy-tailed than usual, not to mention she's back to preparing for things extra early as well. Though outwardly she doesn't look quite as put together...

"I was thinking lots of music! And some video games too. Smash brothers in the living room, and neon green and deep blue decorations!" Disgust seems just as excited for the big one four.

"Guys." Sadness will be talked right over.

"I can't wait to kick some butt in smash brothers! Competitive is my forte, after all."

"I just hope I don't end up forgetting which character we're playing as again! That was an embarrassing lose!"

"-Guys."

"Maybe we should shop for a new outfit to impress Carissa! What do you think, Disgust?"

" _Guys_."

"No, no, I think we should stick to classics. Besides she doesn't need to be anymore impressed. We're gorgeous already."

"GUYS!" It may be the first time anyone has ever heard Sadness yelling.

And it's exactly why everyone comes to a screeching halt and sits in surprise.

She clasps her hands together nervously, clears her throat before her tone returns to it's normal depressing self, "I don't mean to dampen the mood." Even though it'll happen regardless, "But don't you think we should take it easy?"

"Why? Most of her islands are functioning again aside from hockey island, so isn't this good?" Joy is far too determined.

"Yeah, but remember, right now she's fragile. All it takes is one bad thing to send her spiraling down again, and we have to worry about more things than islands disappearing. We have to worry about other islands forming that could potentially ruin all of the rest from functioning properly even when they're working."

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" Anger raises his arm in an annoyed sort of frenzy, "She's fine! In order for her to get better we have to stop acting so bitter and sad. If she acts like her old self, she'll _be_ her old self. So just...do your job and try to touch less buttons until we get hockey island back."

For the first time, Sadness is giving an irritated, bitter sort of look, "Fine. I won't do a thing."

Fear looks to Sadness with a sorry sort of shrug. Sadness isn't the only one who's read up on the manuals regarding mental illness. Maybe they're both thinking the same thing:

What happens when Joy becomes so exhausted she can't even get up in the morning? What happens if another island forms, and it's intentions are so negative that it completely distorts Joy entirely? To the point where what she thinks will make Riley happy, won't actually make her happy at all? What happens when the illness get's so bad, that Joy catches it too?

The four eyes are looking to Joy now, who already doesn't look entirely well. Deep golden circles glowing dimly under her eyes, as her hands seem to shake very subtly even when they're laying still. She's already halfway there, isn't she?

Fear clears his throat, "Uh, Sadness? Can I talk to you in private?"

Anger scoffs, "Excuse me, but why do you two have to talk in private?" The other emotions seem to agree, subtly, "Whatever you have to say to Sadness, you can say in front of _all_ of us!"

Thankfully, Fear's quick witted today, "Uh," He knows exactly how to get the others to not want to be involved, "Do you remember how you told me you would explain the concept of a wet dream to me?"

"Oh! Oh my god!" On cue, the others are already waving the two away. No, this is not something they want to talk about. Way too awkward!

Sadness, nodding, pulls him aside, towards the window to gaze at Riley's dysfunctional islands, "Joy isn't looking well."

"I know." He can only wonder how much longer it'll be before Hockey Island is nothing but a memory, "It worries me. She's sick too, but she's trying so hard. But...if she keeps ignoring this problem she'll become just as distorted as Riley is."

"Yeah it-" Her eyes squint, hands pressed to the window, "F-Fear?"

"What is it, Sadness?"

"Do...do you see that small island? the tiny one on the very right? That has a pathway connected to all of her other islands?"

"What?" And now he's nearly completely pressed to the cool glass, "That's- that's impossible, how can one island be connected to every single one? Wait-" He takes a closer look, squints his eyes as well, "It's...connected to _headquarters_ too."

"What- what island _is_ that?" But it occurs to her, and she gasps. Fear is too busy clasping his hands over his mouth to say what it is.

The shock is too much for them, and it turns the environment so tense that the other emotions join them, fixated on that island.

"...What is that?" Joy folds her arms, rubbing them lightly. This can't be good.

Sadness, with tears in her eyes, shakes her head, "...Suicide Island."

Disgust covers her mouth too now, falls to her knees, "Wh-why is it literally connected to...to everything? What's going on, I don't understand!"

"Because." Sadness's voice is hoarse, and her breath is shaky, "Because...it's a _back of the mind_ island."

"What does _that_ mean?!"

"It means that...suicide is now associated with every island. Because it's always in the back of her mind. It means if things go bad, the solution is-"

"Don't you dare say it." Joy refuses to let it be said.

The emotions stare at the eerie looking island. It's very small, the bottom a deep purple, that turns into a black that is so dark, it looks like a piece of sky had been cut out very precisely. It's terrifying. From the island, the sound of pills dropping to the islands surface can be heard. Ropes tied into nooses hanging from the sides. Roof tops as tall as city buildings towering over the dark clouds and heavy traffic moving so quickly, they wouldn't be able to stop in time to avoid a tragedy. It's filling her with _options_.

And this island makes every emotion lose their composure. They can't fight it anymore. But Joy, taking it worse than all of the others. Head on the ground, sitting on her knees with her hands covering her face. And though her voice is muffled, it echoes through headquarters, "I failed her-h." All between deep sobbing, "Oh dear god I've-h failed her-h-!" She doesn't even have the energy to stand right now. She can only cry, "I've failed my gi-hi-hi-hirl..."

Fear reaches over, "Joy, come on." arms open and ready for her, "Come on, come here."

She dives right into those arms, clinging to his vest.

And the others lean in for a group hug.

"It's okay, Joy." A strangely calm Anger begins, "We're going to help her. This island won't be permanent if we take the right steps. We love her. We won't let her do anything stupid."

Right?

* * *

[text: Carissa]: 6 PM Saturday? I'm there! :)

[text: Riley]: I can't wait to see you!

[text: Carissa]: What do you want for your birthday?

[text: Riley]: You don't need to get me a gift! :P Just show up and I'll be happy lol

Riley heaves a deep sigh, stares at her ceiling. The light in the room is dim, only her hang lights keeping the room from being in complete darkness. She raises her left arm, brushes her fingertips over her scars. It'll be warm soon, and she worries how she'll be able to continue on hiding these hideous marks that she regrets inflicting on herself every day.

 _And it's been exactly three months since the Christmas party, which means three months since we all played the Rent soundtrack and rocked out to La Vie Boheme! And we're nothing without our Mimi Marquez!_

Riley can't even remember the last time she listened to that sort of music. The kind that makes you want to sing at the top of your lungs like you're preforming on a stage in front of a crowd. The kind of music that makes you feel good- invigorated even. She really hasn't been herself lately, has she? But now after so long, she can hear that music playing in her head again. Just like it used to.

 _Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman_

She turns onto her back, laying comfortable with her hands now behind her head gazing at the ceiling, " _'Scuse me, did I do somethin' wrong? I get invited, then ignored all night long._ " She pauses. crossing one leg over the other under her covers, " _Life's too short, babe, time is flyin'. I'm lookin' for baggage that goes with mine."_ she's not singing very loud. It's hushed and breathy, " _I should tell you I've got baggage too, should tell you, baggage-_ " With yet another sigh and a tap of her foot with every syllable, " _Wine and beer!_ " she closes her eyes with a smile. She hasn't sung a single word in _months_. She's forgotten how good it feels to sing. Her phone vibrates.

[text: Carissa]: Really? Then maybe when we finally go on a date you can show me your moves from the cat scratch club ;) night dork x

"...AZT break."

And Riley falls asleep almost instantly, her phone in hand.

* * *

"...I'd almost forgotten how much she loves to sing show tunes." Joy is fairly disappointed in herself at this point. That was such a major thing for Riley! How could she forget.

"Only the movie versions, don't forget." Disgust adds, "Anyway, I think I'm going to go to bed...you coming? You look...kind of exhausted."

She is exhausted. More than she care's to admit, "Yeah, um. In a bit. I'm just going to watch dreams for a while."

"Okay. Just, don't over do it, okay? We're nothing without you, you know." Squeezing her shoulder carefully, finally Disgust excuses herself. Things are tough lately.

Joy see's no sign of dreaming, it must be a deep sleep. So she stands, crosses the room to face the half functioning islands, one completely broken down one, and...that god damn back of the mind island pestering all the others. Joy feels lousy, "Why did you have to infect her?"

But she turns abruptly with a gasp. A dream has begun.

 _'I won't have a gay daughter, I just won't.'_

 _'Did your little dyke-y friend change you? You can't see her anymore!'_

 _'But she's my friend!'_

 _'You're a disappointment, Riley."_

 _Disappointment._

 _Disappointment._

 _Disappointment._

 _Disappointment._

 _Disappointment._

 _Disappointment._

 _The picture blurs, turns to grey._

 _'Mom...MOM! MOM WHERE ARE YOU I'M SCARED!'_

 _'You're dead, sweetie. You killed yourself.'_

 _'What did you do when you found me?'_

 _A creepy laugh slips from her mothers lips, though she can't be seen. It's her voice clear as day 'There was so much blood, you were covered in cuts! Your arms and your thighs' She laughs again 'And you! You took sleeping pills you found in the bathroom.'_

 _'What did you do when you found me?'_

 _What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me? What did you do when you found me?_

 _'Did you cry?'_

 _Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry? Did you cry?_

"I've got to stop this-!" Joy is in panic mode. Pacing back and forth as if the answer will suddenly appear before her. She runs to the middle of the room, fumbling around in search of a good memory from the day, "No- no these aren't..." Maybe she's sick already, "Aren't _fucking_ good enough!" She screams, throwing one of the core memory balls into the air, and it falls right back down with a thud. She does nothing to retrieve it, "JUST BE HAPPY!" And now she's shaking the holding station with the rest of the core memories, "JUST BE HAPPY!" Tears in her eyes, "BE HAPPY!" Shaking it even harder, "BE HAPPY, BE HAPPY, BE _HAPPY_ , GOD DAMMIT, RILEY! I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF!" She's too wild in the moment to realize she is no longer a glowing yellow, but a duller yellow, far less bright than her complexion normally is.

It's Fear who's woken up by the shouting, "Joy?! Joy-!" Comes running to her side instantly, "Joy what are you doing?! Those are her core memories you're messing with!"

And Joy, who looks to Fear with tear stained cheeks appears... _manic_. And it's a terrifying sight, "She's not trying hard enough." And she...laughs as she cries. A very strange mix, "I'm working my _ass_ off for her, and she just- cuts her arm! Oh! Nobody loves me let me just hurt myself! Let me stop feeling and make things _difficult_ for Joy! I'm such an edgy teenager! I'm just a mess!"

"Joy." He's grabbing hold of her shoulders, shaking her, "Joy, listen to me. You're hysterical- you're hysterical right now and you need to go to bed. You're not well at all, you need to shut down for the night and sleep." He refuses to break eye contact with her, "Okay? You go to sleep I'll take dream duty."

"She needs me!"

"No. No, right now, she needs to just sleep through the night. She'll need you in the morning and for the days to come, but right now, she needs you...to go to sleep."

And when Joy gives an understanding nod, he nods right along with her, "Okay?" And he smiles, "S-So go to sleep...a-and I'll take it from here. Just go to sleep."

As if the moment never happened, Joy stands, wiping her eyes, struts off to bed.

"Go to sleep."

"Maybe for good."

That phrase worries him. He knows what it means.

But he won't let her quit yet. They can't quit yet.

* * *

"Well? Aren't you gonna' open it, kiddo?!"

Riley, sitting on the couch groggy and smiley, rubs her eyes in attempts to get used to the bright sunlight, "Okay, okay."

Her father pushes the gift into her lap, "I have to admit, your mother helped pick it out because I didn't remember the style. But, I remembered what you wanted!"

With a giggle, she's already unwrapping the box, tearing it open with excitement rushing through her. A pair of brand new vans sneakers, printed with a galaxy design. Exactly what she'd been begging for, for months, "Oh my goodness, I wanted these forever!"

"Yeah, yeah you did! Hear that honey? She's wanted them for months!"

"Oh I hear you, dear." And placing Riley's breakfast on the coffee table, she reaches over to press a kiss to her hair, "Happy birthday, sweetie. I can't believe you're fourteen already!"

"Can I wear em' for my party tonight?!"

"Of course you can! But you gotta' eat up, Amanda will be here any minute to help you set up!"

* * *

"God, dad may be clueless sometimes, but his memory is incredible! Do you know how long Riley wanted those shoes? What a good, fashionable start!" Disgust took the reins this morning.

But Joy is finally awake, yawning as she approaches the controls.

"Look who decided to show up." With folded arms Anger is the first to greet her, "What was with that yelling last night? Some people have _work_ in the morning."

She tenses.

"Sh-She watched Riley have a..." Fear intends to protect her. Joy is fragile right now and they can't afford anymore screw ups, "...a pretty graphic dream. I saw part of it. It was hard to watch."

Sadness takes Joy's hand, "I'm sorry, Joy, but look what you missed."

She mouthes a simple thank you in Fear's direction before her eyes are on the screen and they light up, "Those are the shoes she begged for! She didn't even get them for Christmas!"

"Nice, huh?" Disgust, with a hand on her hip, flips her hair ever go gently, "She was off the walls about them!"

"Well this is great! I can't believe Riley is 14 today."

"So, Joy, think you might...want to take over for the day?"

With a triumphant stare, she takes the middle seat, reaches for the controls, "I'd be honored. Besides, she deserves a good day. And she's gonna' get a good day."

* * *

"So who's coming for sure?" Amanda, who's currently fixing her hair in the bathroom mirror while Riley applies a bit of perfume is ready for the night to begin for sure.

"Carl- he's bringing Jordan, he started texting me again."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think we're cool again which makes me really happy. But um, Matt, Jensen, Gabby, Danielle, Robert, Tim, Colin, Hayley and...Carissa said she'd be here too."

"So, if we put on music you'll dance with her right?" It's spoken as she tosses a bit of toilet paper into the toilet to flush bits of discarded makeup.

"I-I can't."

Amanda gives her a very judgmental look.

"Not in front of everyone!"

"These are your friends! Not the jerks at school. If you dance with her, the only thing that might happen is everyone will _awww!_ at how cute you guys are!"

 _'She's right you know!'_

 _'Let's not forget Carl telling us that he's not bothered! They're our friends for a reason.'_

 _'Are you sure?'_

Riley grins with a hint of nervousness within, "You're right, I know you're right."

"And your parents are going out to the Billy Joel concert at the baseball stadium, so it's not like they'd even see if it's what you're worried about. It'll be our secret!"

"Yeah, but they're leaving AFTER everyone gets here!"

"Well, I hear talking downstairs, people are probably already here so let's go! Stop fumbling with your hair, you look great, doll." Amanda is already grabbing her hand to lead her down the stairs.

 _'See? Everything is fine! Nothing could possibly go wrong! We're doing just-'_

 _'You've got to be kidding me!'_

There's Carissa, standing with Riley's father, and he's chatting her ear off.

 _'This can't be happening!'_

"So you like dressing kind of boyish?"

 _'WE HAVE TO STOP THIS!'_

"Yeah, I was always a tomboy, you know, into music and stuff. Plus my long hair got very unkempt and stuff, so I just cut it and figured away with it."

"Dad!" She comes running to his side.

"Oh, there's my monkey!"

 _'Her life is over, I'm done.'_

Carissa is giving a smile, laughing just a little.

"Well I should let you spend time with your friends now, after all it's your party. Nice to meet you, Carissa."

"You too, Mr. Andersen."

With an awkward sort of grin, Riley stands in his place, "I'm _so_ sorry about that."

"No, it's no problem, you dad was cool. I told him in the future if he ever wants to get good seats at the baseball stadium to contact my dad, he works for it and we went off from there."

She's speechless.

"So, chill. Nothing embarrassing came up. But I see Carl by the soda's and I'm thirsty so I'll be right back. Oh- and, happy birthday, _monkey_." She steps away with a wink

 _'She just called us monkey our life is over.'_

 _'I think it's kind of cute!'_

 _'You would!'_

"Hey-" It's Amanda who breaks her focus, "Your mom and dad are leaving they wanted to see you in the kitchen fast- I'll let the rest of the guests in."

"Okay, yeah." She's stepping away, catching a glimpse of that grungy vision clad in leather and ripped jeans standing with Carl, laughing with the brightest smile in existence and it sends a heat through her.

Strangely enough her parents immediately stop talking as soon as she enters. That can't be good. especially considering it starts with her father saying, "I'll start the car, meet you out front!"

Her mother begins with the what she assumed she was being asked to see them for, "Make sure you clean up after the party, everyone needs to be out of here by 11:30 the latest, try not to get too loud just in case- and if you need us, you can call me, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah of course. Don't worry. Amanda said she'd stay and help me, so."

But then there's a weird pause before her mother hugs her, "Carissa is an absolute doll."

 _'I don't get it why is she bringing her up? Do you think she knows?'_

 _'She can't know, that doesn't make sense.'_

 _'Mothers know everything!'_

"Uh, yeah, she is."

"And I think that short haircut is adorable, she's just very nice, _very pretty_."

"Yeah, guess she is."

And strangely enough her mother is smiling at her still, "Well, you be good- and happy birthday, sweetheart. Have fun, okay?"

"I will! Um, enjoy the concert."

* * *

The evening begins with video games and pizza. Everyone crowds around the TV, loud and rambunctious. Kids swearing that _no you're totally using all of the bullshit moves_! or that _my controller wasn't working_! or that nothing is sacred because _you're supposed to be my friend and you blue shelled me_! And the best part is the fact that everyone is having a good time, getting along, completely drama free. It's just like old times. The times Riley misses most of all.

And after two hours of game play, the music is turned up, loud enough to practically shake the house. It's a Saturday night. What could it hurt? Her mother doesn't have to know.

Jensen and Amanda take the floor first, grinding on each other and getting the attention of most of the boys (not purposely, of course) and they're quick to shout _pigs!_ At the ogling eyes. But they're laughing as they do so, purposely making fools of themselves. It does earn them a laugh.

It's Carissa and Carl who start filming and swear they'll post it to their stories on snapchat, which they do, adding lewd commentary and laughing like a pair of hyena's.

"Guys, you know what we haven't done in a while?" It's Tim who's quick to change the song, and when it does everyone starts clapping and _oh_ -ing out loud, "Who died?"

" _Our Akita_."

And the entire room, including Riley chimes on in with, " _Evita_!"

 _'Yes! A sing off! God, I hope that Riley joins in!'_

 _'Lay it on me, Riley, I've been waiting to revive my role!'_

"Wait, guys, our Roger isn't here!" Shouts Amanda too loudly for her own good and being half ignored.

"Oh it's okay, I know both parts!" Riley says confidently.

 _'Yes! That's my girl!'_

 _'It's like she's herself again!'_

And when her time comes, she expects to be singing alone. Just as she had the night before in bed, but today she's able to sing with far more passion, "' _Scuse me, did I do somethin' wrong? I get invited then ignored all night long_!"

And before she can attempt to finish the duet on her own, Carissa joins her in the middle of the living room, " _I've been tryin', I'm not lying. No one's perfect, I've got baggage_!"

 _'This is the cutest thing I've ever seen, and look! Her islands are all on! They're actually working!' Aside from hockey island._

 _'See Joy? I told you she needed you today!'_

"...AZT break."

" _You_?"

" _Me, you_?"

But her now partner in song will up the game, place a hand to Riley's cheek, "... _Mimi Riley_."

Riley's cheeks will be red for days after that.

* * *

After just a little over four hours of partying and dancing, the house becomes stuffy and hot. Riley excuses herself to sit on the front steps of her house for a little air. It's nice and cold outside. Compared to inside at least. She doubts she'll be noticed considering the entire group of nerds inside can be heard singing loudly about how they're not gonna' pay last years rent. She takes a sip of her soda, jolts when she see's someone come to sit behind her. But it's Carissa, she won't be angry about that, "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"You're a good singer." Their legs are touching, that's how close she's sitting.

It's enough to make her stomach feel like it's floating away, "Thank you, um, I actually really like to sing, but just for fun. You're not too bad either."

"Eh, nothing special, aha. Not as good as you." She reaches into her jacket pocket, pulls out a very folded, wrinkled looking shirt, "Figured I should give you your birthday gifts you said not to give you."

 _'Gifts? More than one gift?! I'm in love!'_

"Carissa!" But she's smiling as she allows the shirt to unfold, "Aries on Fire?"

"That's my bands name- Claire, the lead singer is an Aries and she started it and it's a fire sign, so."

Riley laugh's with a shake of her head, "I'll wear it to your next concert, thank you."

And now, Carissa isn't looking at her as she casually drops a small, white card board box into her crush's lap. She's too nervous to make eye contact with her, "I-I hope it's not too much." Did she trip on her words just now?

Yes she did.

But Riley's a little too preoccupied to really notice as she's opening the box. It's contents are pulled out: a sterling silver chain, and a single charm dangling from it. A hockey stick with her name written in script across the bottom.

 _'Oh my god.'_

 _'It's even got her name on it.' that's enough to make all of the emotions freeze, feel those love sick feelings. Riley isn't the only one who's stomach currently feels like it'll float away._

"...C-Carissa- this is, this is." She covers her mouth.

 _'No, no she can't cry right now!'_

"S-So nice-h-" But she's crying for a number of reasons. Of course the gift is incredibly flattering. For weeks, Riley felt worthless. She felt like the world was out to get her, right now? She feels so special, like she's the most important girl in the world. But there's another reason there. She quit hockey weeks ago having made up a bogus reason of there being family issues. All because she didn't have the motivation. All because she wasn't happy anymore.

 _'Joy! Hockey Island!'_

 _'What is it-?!'_

 _'It's back on! We've got it back online!'_

She lunges forward, wrapping her arms around Carissa's neck, "Thank you so much, I love it. I mean it!"

Carissa, with a deep sigh, "You're welcome." Squeezes her tightly, and gently sways Riley in her arms. Hands coming to rub them in the hopes to warm her up just a tad.

She doesn't want to pull away so quickly, but she has to wipe her eyes, "I'm sorry I'm crying, heh. Things have just been kind of difficult for me lately, and you just...made me feel so special. I haven't felt like that in weeks."

"Well you are special, Riley." She leans in just a little, puts a hand on her thigh, "Don't let your mind or the opinions of stupid people who aren't even your friends convince you that you aren't. Because I promise you it's not true." And she leans in again, face a little closer, "You are special. You are, I can promise you that."

Riley can't move. To her, this can't possibly be real. She is completely entranced in the moment. Carissa is so close, coming closer with each word- and all she can think to do is match her. To lean in closer too, "You're special too...s-special to me." It's barely a whisper.

And their noses are touching, lightly grazing against one another. And Carissa's eyes shift between Riley's beautiful blue eyes and her soft, sweet smelling lips, "Riley-" All while her shaky fingers caress the soft skin along her neck, "...I-I just want to-"

"Yeah...?" and she places a hand onto the others shoulder. Stroking the smooth fabric of her jacket.

"I-I shouldn't move fast but-" With her hand touching Riley's cheek so delicately, to her, it's the most fragile piece of art in the world "Please let me kiss you."

There isn't any hesitation in her words, "Please, _please_ kiss me." My god she's begging, _aching_ for that first kiss.

Her _real_ first kiss.

Without another word uttered, the gap is sealed between them. It's a little kiss at first, a light peck as she pulls back. And the two girls look at each other with all of the innocent desire in the world. The gaze of young love ready to burst. It's an _electrifying_ feeling.

This time, Riley leans back in, her hand pressed to Carissa's cheek as their lips meet again in a firmer, slightly more aggressive kiss. But the passion grows, and they are cupping each others faces. To them, it's as if they're holding on for dear life like two lovers saying goodbye. And Riley feels a shock through her entire body. It's a sensation that feels as though millions of tiny bubbles are popping inside of her, causing her entire being to vibrate, and her heart is fluttering like butterfly wings taking off for the very first time.

* * *

And at headquarters, the chairs are bare, the controls left baron. Because they're all standing at the window over looking Riley's islands. Above them is a beautiful firework display of all different colors, vibrant and alive.

"This...this is _incredible_." Joy is absolutely ecstatic, sensing everything at once as the sounds of colors exploding in the sky echo through her ears and her surroundings. Every emotion is smiling, it's a rush unlike any other. They can feel it too at such an intensity.

But Joy dares to turn her head, gazes at the main screen, watching the girl lean in multiple times, dark lashes batting every time she pulls away with a gasp.

 _'...You're beautiful, Riley,'_

 _'Can we kiss again?'_

And what does she witness? The two girls laughing. Covering their mouths in am embarrassed manor before looking to each other again.

So quickly that entire moment is registered, placed right into her core memories.

* * *

And with one more soft, emotional kiss, Carissa presses her forehead to Riley's with a happy sigh, "...Happy 14th, dork."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10! I'm on a roll! Mostly because we're getting towards the climax parts of this fanfiction, and I've been dying to get to them since the beginning. I really hope you guys enjoy! Good luck with this chapter, guys. It's climax time, and it's really sad. I had trouble getting through this one. It was extremely hard to get through this.

Trigger Warning: self harm mention, suicide mention.

* * *

Things have been okay, but nothing more than that. The days right after Riley's birthday had been fairly productive. It felt good to be back on the ice, even thought for the very first return game she hadn't been put down as first string. It's understandable, but Riley had been hoping for a bit more. And though her grades have dropped a little bit, she's doing her best to improve them. Next month, finals begin. If she wants to be able to set foot into high school next year, she can't slack off. At least there are slightly happier distractions than the usual.

 _'She's improving!'_

 _'Yeah, but the islands are struggling again. They randomly shut down...that doesn't seem like she's okay.'_

 _'Let's just...stay positive, it could be fine.' What's with Joy? Barely saying anything and brushing off anything that might just prove that her denial won't make Riley any better._

Most of her classes consist of imagining romantic dates with Carissa, holding hands, and kissing just like they did the night of her party. But she can't help wondering: _why are the boys here so gross? Why would they say such disgusting sexual things? Just because we're both girls_. And if Riley is really honest with herself, half the things they say she doesn't even know the meaning of. Call it being sheltered, but she's not entirely curious about those things right now. She's only 14, where are their heads at? Everyone is so eager to grow up, Riley's just eager to be herself again.

Not being herself just makes her anxious. Her focus and memory are entirely shot.

During lunch period, all of her friends are talking and goofing around. She hardly eats, mostly just stares at her phone and contributing little to the conversation. The good thing about having a best friend like Amanda is that she can take care of most of the talking. Which she does, "So Carl already asked me to the 8th grade formal in May. But maybe we can all go together! Could be fun, right? What are you guys wearing for it?"

The girls are all bubbling with excitement talking about their dresses or the way they plan to do their hair. A preteen prom is bound to have all of these girls floating, hoping they'll be lucky like Amanda and get asked to go by someone cute.

She'll be inclined to speak up far more shortly. Because Jensen will be asked a vital question.

Amanda will nudge her playfully, "You said you were asking someone to go with you! Has he given you an answer?"

"Um, not yet, she hasn't texted back?"

" _She_ , huh? Who is it?!"

Riley's eyes shift from her phone to the others. _She_?

Jensen gives a half smile, looks away, "That girl Carissa. You know, the punky girl with the brown eyes and the pale skin? Short hair?"

 _'Oh I know she isn't trying to steal our girl.'_

 _'That stupid bitch, who does she think she is?! Slut!'_

Amanda tenses, "Carissa _Smith_...? From our grade?"

 _'Slut, slut, slut, stupid slut!'_

"Yeah! We both are in the same art class and work together a lot and joke around. I've liked her for a while but I was afraid to say anything to her. I don't know if she's single."

 _'SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT, SLUT!'_

Amanda, looking rather torn looks to Riley before she speaks again, "Last I heard she had her eye on someone." But she doesn't want to out her friend either, "But I don't know who."

"Do you think it's me?! We danced at Riley's party."

And Riley's jealousy is about to get the best of her, "Yeah, and then she danced with Carl too. And she's not into Carl. Oh and Amanda, and Jordan and Rob."

 _'Dammit!'_

 _'What is it Anger?'_

 _'Her islands are off again!'_

Jensen shuts down just a little. Is Riley starting a fight? She's too naive to realize this whole situation of people making fun of Riley's sexuality started with her crush on Carissa. She's aware that people have been bullying her for it, but she doesn't know much more than that, "...I know that, but she held my waist so I thought maybe-"

"She wouldn't date you."

"Excuse me?"

 _'Riley, don't be so mean! This isn't like you!'_

"I said she _wouldn't date you_. She doesn't like you that way."

"Riley- calm down, I don't understand why you're being so mean!"

"I'm just being honest."

Amanda gives an awkward laugh, "Okay, okay, let's just calm down before we get detention for fighting or something-" Just as Jensen's phone goes off.

She looks to Riley with a smirk, "She answered, and you say she wouldn't go for someone like me?"

Riley's heart sinks.

And it's Amanda who dares to ask, "...What does it say?" Because if Carissa says yes, maybe she'll have to have a little talk with her.

But Jensen's smile fades, her heart sinking too, now, "...She said she doesn't like me that way and plans to take someone else."

 _'Damn straight she's taking someone else, she's taking us!'_

"I told you!" But Riley is gathering her things. She can't bare to sit with them right now, "I'm going to class early." She's out of there so quickly.

Amanda stands, hoping to catch her friend, but she dashes off so abruptly it proves to be a pointless effort.

Jensen who's disappointed and on the verge of tears comes to stand too, "...What was _that_ about?"

"...I can't tell you."

"She was so mean to me just now! Why didn't you tell Riley to shut up!? That was so mean of her!"

For once, she's daring to stand up for her friend, "You have no idea what she's been through!"

"So that means she can be mean to me?! And besides I know kids have been being jerks! I tried to even help her but she just shut down and ignored it!"

"Of course not! But...she's going through some things right now, she's not herself. You have to just give her some space and time."

Enough for the entire table of girls to be worried, even Jensen. Surprisingly.

* * *

Joy has hardly said a word all week. Too busy with her elbow resting on the control table, occasionally spitting out a little love sick sigh.

"You've barely done a thing all week! What happened to all of us pulling out weight around here?" Anger is getting too old for the passive aggressive, he'll say it straight to her face.

"Did you see in English class how Carissa winked at us? I just wish we could kiss her again."

"Well why can't we?" Maybe Disgust it all too eager for it, but they haven't kissed since her party and it's been two whole weeks!

"Because it was an intimate kiss! Everyone will see and...I don't know if we're quite there yet. She's coming over after school to watch a movie anyway."

"Yeah, what a _great_ real first date. _Boring_ movie in the house."

"It's in her room! Away from mom and dad!"

"Still! It's hardly _glamorous_ , Joy."

Disgust isn't wrong, she's well aware. But things are difficult now, more than they used to be, "...Riley was feeling cozy. Or did you forget that we finally got hockey island back online and she rejoined the team? She's balancing more and therefore exhausted because she's not used to it."

"Yeah but." Sadness pushes against her glasses, "That's just it. This isn't new for Riley. She used to balance school and hockey all the time, she shouldn't be so tired. I'm thinking maybe it might be time we tell someone-"

"No!" It's said instantly from the blue haired emotion, "We can't. Carissa is making her better and if we get taken away from that she'll back track."

"But Joy-"

"No buts! We're doing this my way." She turns her attention back to the screen, "We have a date and we have to focus on that. The sooner we focus, the quicker we get rid of that pesky _kill myself_ island."

It doesn't take a genius to realize that Joy is already falling under the islands spell. That she's becoming just as sick as Riley is. Referring to it as _kill myself island_? Could it be that the thought is in the back of her mind now too? But the emotions won't say anything. They'll simply stare at one another with a worried look before turning their attention back to the screen.

Should it be pushed?

* * *

"So what movie are you girls watching?" While Riley's father is at work, her mother is more than happy to get to know Carissa just a bit better with a little small talk.

"Well, I figured Riley could pick, you know, it's her house and she invited me." Carissa is nothing but cordial, and she seems rather good at impressing parents. They're warming up to her pretty quickly since the party.

"I was thinking maybe a horror movie or something?"

 _'Wait, what? That wasn't on schedule.'_

 _'Joy, I thought you said we were watching Rent!'_

 _'...W-we were, it's her favorite movie- I-I don't understand why she's changed it on me. I wasn't prepared for this.'_

"Oh sweet, I love horror, you ever see the new _Evil Dead_ movie?"

 _'Oh, okay, so I'm outta' here.'_

 _'Fear, you can't just leave-!'_

 _'Outta' here, it's too scary.'_

"I haven't! I'll download it onto the computer while we listen to some music."

"It's rated R, what if I tell you girls no?"

"But mom! Please?"

She eyes her daughter, "Okay, if you can find a pg-13 horror movie in your dad's collection, you two can watch that okay?"

It won't stop Riley from rolling her eyes.

 _'I'm 14 mom I can handle a little blood! Why don't you look at my damn arm! That's a fucking horror in itself.'_

 _'Nothing gory! Yuck!'_

"Honey," her mother interrupts, "Go on upstairs and go into my room. Your father's movie collection is on the two bottom rows of the book shelf. You can borrow one for the evening, but it has to be pg-13 okay?" This is a tactic however, because there are other intentions here.

With a sigh she agrees, "Okay, I'll be right back."

It isn't until she leaves that her mother motions for Carissa to take a seat at the kitchen table with her, "I wonder if maybe we could have a quick discussion while she's distracted."

Carissa can feel the nerves setting in. Riley isn't out, but she is. With parents it's always a hit or a miss, and she has no idea where this conversation is about to go, "Yeah, of course Mrs. Andersen."

"You can call me Jill- but anyway, something isn't...right with Riley."

Well, she certainly hadn't expected the conversation to go in that direction, "Isn't right? What do you mean?"

Her mothers tone changes, her voice lowers, "I just...I think she's just not acting like herself anymore. You know, she's a bubbly girl, she laughs all the time and she's one of the most positive girls out of her friends."

Carissa leans in, is completely focused on those words, piecing everything that's happened to her a little more than friend at school.

"And you know, her father swears that I'm just overthinking all of this, but- it's like she's...shut down. She hardly eats, and she doesn't talk much, I never hear her singing anymore in her room, she doesn't go out with friends often anymore. And I just...I'm not trying to have you spy for me, it wouldn't be right, I'd lose her trust." She's desperate. A mom who loves her daughter more than life itself will do anything to protect her, "Has she...has she said anything to you? Do you know if maybe it's something we did? Or that I did?"

Carissa shuts down, she's caught in a tough position. She knows exactly what the problem is, but she fears that revealing it could ruin the potential for a relationship with Riley. But what's the correct choice morally? Telling her mother about the taunting at school? Or allowing Riley to continue on bottling things up?

"Just any little thing she might have said? Or maybe did she lose some friends or something?"

"I think...I think she's just nervous that this...this is the last year before high school." It's a blatant lie, kind of, but it'll be convincing, "You know, at her party I gave her the gifts I picked out and she cried a little about how she was overwhelmed because...you know, high school and everything. The older kids like to spread rumors that they rag on the freshman when they start school, but I told her it was all bull." She doesn't feel good at all about this.

"...Are you sure that's it?"

"I don't want to say that's what it is, it's just...all I know."

She can already hear her daughters footsteps down the stairs, so quickly, she leans back.

Riley, running into the kitchen, stops in her tracks, "...Everything okay here?"

"Yeah- yeah fine, your mom was just telling me about the Billy Joel concert, aha."

Her mother is willing to go with that fib and laugh a little, "Yeah, sorry to bore you, honey, you two probably want to go up and watch your movie now. There's snacks in the cabinet if you girls get hungry."

* * *

This may have been a very casual date, but who said that it means it can't be just as romantic as a night out? After all, they're only 14, dating isn't meant to be some romantic interlude filled with questionably inappropriate touching. They're far too young for that sort of thing! And now they're both laying on Riley's bed with knees bent. Riley is laying back against Carissa's chest while the other gently plays with her hair, the laptop a little ways away from their feet. It may not be much, but it gives them the chance to lay with one another. It's a good feeling, so comforting and innocent.

But Riley is about to make a huge mistake. Having been so taken with how wonderful it feels to be laying against Carissa's chest she'll forget everything and have a momentary lapse of judgement, "It's hot in here isn't it?"

"I'm okay, but then again I took off my jacket, you didn't." She sits up just a little, "I can open your window."

"No, no! Sit, you're comfortable, I'll just take off my hoodie." And without even thinking, she unzips it.

 _'WHAT IS SHE DOING?! HAS SHE LOST HER DAMN MIND?!' Anger is past the point of explosion._

 _And Joy is at a loss for words, 'Wh-Why is she taking it off?!'_

 _'Because Fear left! He was too afraid of the movie, so he left! The worry of getting caught isn't registering in Riley's train of thought!'_

She tosses it onto the chair of her desk, lays back down comfortably.

And Carissa reaches for her left hand to hold it in hers.

 _'GET HIM BACK- SADNESS GO WAKE HIM UP! WAKE THE DAMN SCAREDY CAT UP!'_

Carissa reaches to playfully stroke Riley's left wrist and immediately she's greeted with a rough patch of skin.

 _'Nh- wha? Is the movie over?'_

 _'You have to get up now!' She's dragging him to his feet._

And her eyes peer down to the severed skin. Almost the entirety of her forearm is covered.

 _'Right now!'_

 _'Why what's going o-'_

"Riley-"

 _'OUT OF THE WAY GIVE ME THE CONTROLS!'_

Riley jolts right up to a standing position beside her bed, pulling her arm away, covering it with her other hand quickly. She gasps, her face panicked. She has no idea what to do.

"Riley..." She's sitting on the edge of the bed, finger pointing to her arm, "What's that?"

Still she says nothing, but looks terrified as if she's been horribly threatened.

"Answer me." She's trying to remain calm, but it's so hard right now.

"It's nothing."

"Bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit!"

"Show me your arm, Riley."

"Carissa-"

 _'I-I don't know how to fix this-! Sadness help me!'_

"I'm not fucking around right now, Riley!"

"Stop yelling at me!"

 _'...I'll handle this.'_

"Then _show_ me!"

With tears welling in her eyes, she's trembling where she stands as she extends her left arm hesitantly, revealing the hideous, terrifying sight of over two months worth of self affliction.

And Carissa sucks in a sharp breath, trying so hard not to cry along with her, "Jesus Christ, Riley-h-"

"Please don't tell-h-"

"But you're hurting yourself!"

"I'll stop! Just please don't tell!"

"You don't just stop! That's not how it works!"

 _'How would she know?'_

"Carissa!"

But it'll be no use, the girl grabs her wrist, demanding for a closer look, and the moment she get's it, she has to step away shortly after. Her back is facing Riley. The feelings are unclear.

"...Carissa...?"

She'll turn back around, no longer holding back the tears, "...Baby."

And that's enough for Riley. She'll lose her composure too. The tears will come full force...it's over now isn't it?

"Why-h?" And it'll be said as she wraps her arms around the distraught girl. Wishing so badly she could take those scars away.

"...Because I'm worthless."

"No you're not, baby, you're not."

"Yes I am-h-h! Austin proved it! He makes all of those posts about it and people agree and I just wish I could go away forever because he made me realize-" She takes a breath, says it through a sob, " _I hate myself_." And she'll sob even harder, eyes pressed to the others shoulder. After months of holding it in, she's finally said it.

Carissa has a hand over her mouth, and the tears are falling silently still. To finally hear those words pass her lips, it changes something in her. Because she knows who's to blame now. Something is uttered that Riley can't quite understand.

"...What?" She pulls back slowly.

"I'm gonna' kill him."

"Carissa-"

And she turns away from Riley, taking a shaky breath. The tears falling even still, "I'm going to kill that asshole. I'm going to beat the shit out of Austin." Without another word she's making a b-line for Riley's bedroom door to leave.

 _'Oh no. What did we just start?'_

"Carissa-? Carissa!" She's running after her so quickly, it doesn't register to her that she should take her phone or anything else with her.

But her mother watches the chaos unfolding. She'd heard yelling, but couldn't hear exactly what it was about, "Riley-?" Now she stands, attempts to catch her daughter before she's out the door.

"I'll explain later!"

"But Riley!" One thing is certain as she runs down the steps after her, and stops at the bottom. Whatever happened, she's chasing after Carissa, and Carissa looks tense.

This can't be good.

* * *

The emotions are sitting in their seats, panicking about the site before them. Fear most of all, "What do we do?!"

"I say we get popcorn and watch this kid get what he deserves for hurting Riley."

"But she's going to beat the kid up!"

"She's only protecting us, Fear."

"And you think violence is the answer!?"

"He deserves this!"

"No he doesn't! Joy! Say something!"

The scene seems to blur for everyone. Their focus is on the main screen. Riley is screaming because right now, Fear is the only one who's able to work the controls. They watch as Carissa shoves the boy into a a brick wall, punches him right in the nose. But his friends fight back, kick Carissa to the ground.

 _'Stop it! Stop it! You're hurting her! Let her go! Stop it, please!'_

 _'Get the fuck off him you fucking dyke bitch!'_

 _Carissa is out numbered._

 _'STOP! STOP! SOMEBODY HELP!'_

But Joy? She's shut down. Sits in her seat staring at her lap, "...It's all over." She stands, "I quit." Steps away from the desk.

"But Joy-!" Disgust is shocked to say the least, "Joy we need you!"

The other doesn't respond.

"...Well what do we do now, Fear?!"

"Okay- uh- " God, what can he do in this situation? He's a mess, "Okay, okay! Me ,you and Anger will talk some sense into her- Sadness took care of her the past few months, she can handle a few hours by herself right?"

Sadness nods, "I'll do what's best for Riley."

"Okay- okay come guys, we don't have much time!"

* * *

"So cute! You come here to protect your pathetic girlfriend?" Chris is watching the boy's take turns throwing punches, but Carissa doesn't give up without a fight. Kicking the boys right back, doing whatever she can to defend herself. But he turns to Riley, "Holy shit did you _cut_ yourself?" He cracks up, "Don't you know you're supposed to cut _straight down_ to kill yourself?!"

"I-I-" She tries to change the subject, "Tell them to stop hurting her!"

"Do us all a favor: run home, Andersen. Run home, find some pills, do the world a favor, and _go away for good_."

 _'Do it, Riley. Joy is right, this is over. It's all over now.'_

"JUST GO, RILEY!" Carissa screams as loud as possible, not realizing what the boy had just said to her, "RUN STRAIGHT HOME! GO HOME AND BE SAFE! I'LL COME FOR YOU! JUST RUN HOME! RUN THE FUCK HOME AND PROTECT YOURSELF!"

 _'Go home, Riley. Go home.'_

She stands in shock. Confused and lost- what the fuck is she meant to do now? She can hear sirens, and still Carissa is begging for her to run home, while punches are thrown in different directions. She does what she has to. She turns right around, back in the direction she came.

It's all over now, isn't it?

 _'It's okay, Riley, we have no choice anymore.' Sadness is sick too. What she fails to realize like the others is that they are just as sick as Joy, too clouded to realize it, 'We have to do what's best for us and everything else'_

Slowly, Riley backs up. She'll run just like Carissa said. She'll run fast, not realizing that while she's headed back home, her mother is walking around the city and calling her phone in a frenzy. She'll have no idea that her phone is buzzing on her desk, and her mother is shouting curse words into the phone because the only thing she can imagine that happened is that the two girls fought, and Riley was careless enough to run off on her own without the decency to pick up her phone and talk to her. She thinks she's being purposely ignored.

There were no clear signs. And that's the first problem. Because Riley didn't reach out, nobody knows what's about to happen.

* * *

 _To Whom It Might Concern,_

 _I tried really hard, I mean that. It's been on my mind for a long time now. But the days blur together now so I can't say for how long this all has been going on. I'm talking about more than one thing here. My discovery and my breakdown. I guess I'll tell you what my discovery is first, because it's the reason for my breakdown. I'm a lesbian. I didn't want it to be true, but it is and there's nothing I can do to change it. I tried so hard to be straight, but it didn't work and in the process I hurt one of my best friends. Jordan, if you happen to ever read this I am so sorry that I led you on like that. I didn't mean to. I thought I did like you that way and if it wins me any brownie points, I had a lot of fun on our sort of date. But I'm so sorry! I'm a lesbian and I hate myself for it because it's wrong! And I know it is because everyone picks on me. They won't leave me alone and I just wanted to be left alone so bad. I wasn't ready to come out, but since I won't be here anymore I might as well come out and say it. I tried to keep going but it's too hard. I'm tired all the time and I can't focus on school or hockey or anything at all and I'm hurting everyone I love and I don't want to hurt anybody anymore. I don't want to disappoint mom and dad anymore. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I know you didn't raise me this way and I wish I wasn't gay so I could be what you'd hoped for. And mommy, I'm really sorry I made you cry. If I could change myself I would. I really like Carissa a lot. I really wanted to date her. And if heaven is a real place I hope that one day years and years from now after she's lived a full and happy life she'll be with me again because I like her so much. I can't do any of this anymore. I love all of you so much. Every person in my life. But I can't hurt you guys anymore. The kids are school are right. I'm gross, creepy, and a big joke. I'm worthless and I have hated myself for so many months now, but it feels like years. It's torture! I'll try not to make a mess. I cleaned my room, vacuumed, and did the dishes for you, mom. I know you hate when I forget. So I made sure to do that before I said goodbye and wrote this. I'll miss you all so much. I love you all. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me one day, please don't hate me. I had to do it._

 _With every bit of love I can offer,_

 _Riley Andersen_

 _P.S. - Dad, it was me who broke your dad's pocket watch when I was 6 and I'm sorry I lied about it. And I'm sorry I used all of your melatonin pills. Did I spell that right?_

* * *

It will be a horrifying site for her mother to come home to. Especially because she is angry at Riley for not having picked up her phone at all. She's going to pound her feet up the stairs and loudly say with such a firm tone of voice, "You better be in your room, Riley, because if you aren't, your punishment is going to be much worse!" She'll open the door, push it harshly, "You do not run out of here without your phone a-" It'll be as if everything in the world has fallen silent. Eerily so as she stares at the body on the floor- her daughters body appearing lifeless, arm exposed. Her mother will fall to her knees screaming, so loud that a by stander will come running into the house (having accidentally left the front door open, worrying an intruder may be up to no good).

He'll dash up the stairs shouting _ma'am are you alright_?! And upon seeing the gruesome site, the stranger will cover his mouth with his hand, reach for his phone to dial 911. All while doing his best to console Riley's mother, attempting to calm her down. It will prove unsuccessful. She's too distraught to relax. Nothing is worse than seeing your daughter unconscious and by her own hand...and done purposely.

"My little girl!" It will be repeated over and over again as the siren comes closer and closer to the house, "My little girl! My little girl! My little girl! _My little gi-hi-hi-hi-hirl_!"

The bystander will be questioned, and her mother will go into the ambulance with her, call her husband in an anxiety ridden panic.

There will be a crowd outside of the house. All standing around with folded arms and confusion. But when they see the petite figure being loaded into the ambulance, the environment will fall silent and sad. Not in our neighborhood! They'll argue on the news, while others will be too upset to even say anything without bursting into tears.

And inside Riley's mind, everything will be empty and clear. The emotions will be in a deep sleep, and the fate will be uncertain for everyone.

Is it over?

* * *

Carissa is so thankful she's not being asked to stay at the hospital over night. And she's even more thankful that though she started it, the police are willing to level with her. She'd been outnumbered and was very clear to explain the reasoning's behind her actions. What she doesn't know is, she's about to find out so much more than she wanted to.

The cop is an older man, looking to be in his mid 40′s. He's bald, with blue eyes and a little bit on the heavy side, but not incredibly so. He pauses for a moment, as if he's slowly piecing a puzzle together, "I'm sorry, Carissa, can you explain again briefly what led to the fight in the basket ball court? Just give me the short version."

"I was at a friends house, well, she's kind of more than a friend, but it's nothing official yet." She's stopped briefly when a nurse who comes by to fix the bandages on her now broken nose, and check her facial bruises, "She had some cuts on her arm like self harm cuts and I asked her why, like, what made her do it. She told me that kid Austin Lopez had been bullying her for hanging out with me because he had a crush on her but she has a crush on me and not him so he started making her life miserable and bullying her for being gay and the last thing she said before I left was _Austin made me realize I'm worthless and I hate myself_ , or something like that-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but...is your friends name-" He flips through a few papers in his folder in search of another file, "...Riley Andersen?" The cop's face meets with hers again.

But She sits up, leaning forward just a little. Why does he know her name? The alarms go off in her head, "...Yeah."

He doesn't say anything, but he looks nothing short of apologetic as he sighs, "Carissa, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

The worry is about to explode, "What are you talking about? Where's Riley-?"

"She's here, she was just put in the psychiatric ward about fifteen minutes ago."

"Well let me see her!"

"She can't have any visitors right now because she's in-"

"Just tell me what happened!"

"...Your friend overdosed on some sleeping pills."

She sits back on the hospital bed, and her eyes are so quickly filling with hot tears. She breaths heavy and abruptly. They can't be stopped.

"I'm really sorry to be the one to tell you this, and I'm really sorry that I can't be of much comfort right now because I know this must be hard for you to hear. But if you say this kid has been bullying her, I need to know more details than what you've explained because that means he can be charged for what's happened to Riley."

She's unable to say anything more. Carissa is crying way too hard. She's able to pause for a moment, her face a mixture of both shocked and hurt. A deep breath is heaved, "I need to see her-h- please let me see her-h!"

"I'm sorry, but they said only immediate family can see her when the time comes."

"Is she dead-?"

"The last I heard they pumped her stomach, but she's not completely awake. So no, she's not dead. But she will likely have to stay here to be monitored. As of right now that's all I know. And that's strictly because we had to investigate exactly what happened."

Carissa is somewhat relieved, but she is heart broken to know that this has happened.

"Which is why if there is anything else you know- anything you can tell me, any proof you might have of this bullying, you have to show me because we want to help your friend. We take this sort of thing very seriously."

Carissa reaches over to the table next to her, grabbing her phone without a word.

* * *

Riley's father arrived only moments ago, and until they're able to (hopefully) see their daughter, he keeps his arms around his wife doing his best to keep the environment as calm as possible even if deep inside, he's a wreck, "You were right." He begins, "She hasn't been herself and I shouldn't have told you not to worry so much. I'm a horrible father."

"You're not a horrible father, you just wanted to think that she was okay- please don't be so hard on yourself. We both messed up. I worried and I never pried. I never tried to talk to her, never asked her what was wrong." She's on the verge of tears again, "I should have done something."

The doctor enters the waiting room at just the right time it seems, "Riley Andersen?"

And the parents immediately stand, "Yes- we're her parents!" spoken at the exact same time.

"Your daughter is going to be just fine. She's sleeping right now and you're welcome to see her, but the pills are still effecting her in that she probably won't wake up for a bit and will be groggy for a little while, but she's going to be okay. We pulled her through it."

Her mother is in tears again, but they're more tears of relief this time, "Oh, thank god."

"She's in the psychiatric ward, that's floor 8, and in room 1912."

"Thank you- thank you so much-!"

But as they're about to dash off, they're stopped one more time, "Mr. and Mrs. Andersen?" And the two figures turn to face him only to be greeted by the same cop who'd been questioning Carissa, "I don't want to keep ya' for too long, I know you're about to go see your daughter, I'm Officer Castellanos, you spoke to my partner earlier about your daughters condition." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his card, "This has my personal number you can reach me at so we can talk later as I don't want to keep you from your daughter, but it seems one of her friends got into a physical fight down by Heart Street involving the possible bullying and cyber bullying of your daughter that may have led to the altercation. So as soon as you two have some time, please, give me a call. This case may have become much bigger."

Her father reaches for the card and examines it before he looks to the man again. "Uh, thank you, officer. As soon as we see her and know what's going on, we'll be sure to give you a call."

"I'll be around, and I'm sorry for what's happened, sir." He takes off with a tip of his hat.

* * *

Sadness is the first to wake up. The others are still huddled in a corner, sleeping like babies. Just as Sadness comes to, she slowly approaches the main controls to take her usual seat. Everything is deathly still. Too quiet. She dares to look behind her. Outside that window is _nothing_. No islands, no memories, not anything. But the moment the main screen activates once more, the memories can be seen far off in the distance, but the islands are still missing. She turns again completely silent, and the first image projected is her parents with tears in their eyes, thankful that their little girl is okay. But Sadness will have to handle this moment on her own as well, "Oh, I hope I don't mess up again. Taking those pills was so stupid of me."

* * *

Riley is incredibly groggy, she can't even sit up, but she can manage to do one thing. And that's cry. She feels so awful and guilty right now, "I'm sorry." She whispers, "I-I'm so sorry."

"No, monkey, no-" And now her parents cry with her, "You're okay now-h, and we're so sorry- both your dad and I are so sorry that we didn't pay closer attention-h-" They can't even bare to look at her mutilated arm. This was all happening right under their nose.

"I'm going to try so hard in here mom-h- I love you both-h"

"We love you too." Her father begins, "More than anything- and when you're more awake and when you're doing better, we'll all talk and it'll be okay."

The unfortunate thing is Riley's too tired to keep herself awake. Visiting hours are almost up anyway, and the nurse motions both parents out of the room. She's a bit younger. Perhaps in her mid thirties and her hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail, "We'll need you to sign a few consent forms."

"What for?" Forgive her dad for being so anxious.

"...Because of her attempted suicide, we highly recommend you allow us to keep her for a few weeks to monitor her. We'll have to run tests, see if it's necessary to put her on any medication, she'll get to speak to a therapist, and be given the option for group therapy as well. You can still come and visit her every day, as long as it's before 8 PM- but in order to be sure we can get her well again, we would like to keep her. If you'll have a seat with me, I'd be happy to explain it all in better detail. But we'll need your answer before you leave tonight."

But that's just it. It's not over. It never was, and it shouldn't have been done. But can it get better?


	11. Chapter 11

Ah, here we are in chapter 11! It feels like just yesterday I was watching Inside Out in theaters, watching my mind explode with this silly fanfiction idea that I couldn't actually picture people reading and enjoying. But I want to thank you all so much for your support and encouragement! It seriously means so much to me. Here's to chapter 11! This chapter is a little bit shorter than the last one, but that's mostly because it's an intro into the after climax chapter, aha. I promise the others will be longer! There's a lot in store leading up to the ending, and I promise you guys will like the outcome of it all. I fully intend to do a sequel to this story as well!So stay tuned for that as well. ;)

* * *

Joy is the last of the emotions to wake up, and when she does, everything is blurry. The sound of an unfamiliar voice is echoing around her. Alongside others. Familiar voices.

She can hear Disgust in the distance, "Is she waking up?! She's okay?!"

And Sadness, "I was starting to think she was never going to wake up."

And...the unfamiliar one, "That it's, Joy...it's time to wake up now." Echoing ever so faintly, "Good afternoon, Joy. Welcome back to us, sweetheart."

When she finally comes to, and still incredibly groggy, she sits up abruptly. It finally occurs to her, this figure standing in front of her is a complete stranger. He's white in color and round, with gentle blue eyes; thin arms and legs, "Wh-who are you? How did you get in here-?"

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions, Joy." His voice is weirdly soothing, not an ounce of insecurity lingering within it, "And I'm happy to explain. I already to spoke to all of your companions." He motions towards the others.

Her gaze turns to them. The four emotions are standing around her looking all too relieved to see that Joy is functioning again and daring to look to the main screen, "The hospital? Is Riley at the hospital? What are we doing here? Why isn't she home?"

"Allow me to explain." The new friend begins as he helps the blue haired emotion back to her feet, "My name is motivation. I'm going to be your counselor for an undetermined amount of time."

"How did you get in here?"

"Riley ingested me." It's said matter-of-factly.

"...I-Ingested you?" she quirks an eyebrow, very clearly skeptical.

"Yes. You see, the hospital has put her on some medication to help her. It may take a few weeks to kick in. It all depends on how well you and your friends are willing to work with me to get back to normal. You've been sleeping for over a week now. They doctors have run some tests and concluded that Riley is suffering from depression." Strangely enough, the figure begins to smile, "But, now that you're finally awake, I think she can finally beat it! Won't that be wonderful?"

"So...are you with us for good?" Undetermined makes her worry that he's hinting at something greater. Hinting at... _full time_.

"Every afternoon until 6, Joy. Then I'm off to keep the side effects in check. But we'll all have group therapy sessions together every Monday and Wednesday." He reaches for her hand, taking her back to her usual chair in front of the controls, "But, you can also activate me whenever you need me." He points to a large button just beside the puberty alert signal, "That little button there labeled anti-depressant? You just push that, and I'll be here to help you as soon as I can."

"I can do this myself- I mean, I appreciate you wanting to help, but Riley can be happy now that I'm awake. I feel like you're...just trying to take my job."

He chuckles, melodic and sweet, "I'm not here to take your job, Joy. You're the only one who can make her happy. I'm just here to motivate you all back into gear. I'm just a friend who's here to coach you."

Finally, someone else speaks up. Surprisingly enough, it's Fear, "We've all been slacking. Tired all of the time, forgetting vital memories and routines- not keeping up with her train of thought. Motivation is here to help us get out of this funk and get our groove back. We have to trust him. We're going to be in the hospital for a while- we're even doing all of our school work from here. It's not too late to fix this, Joy...we need to give this a chance."

It seems she's out numbered. Everyone else is ready to begin this new journey just by the looks on their faces alone. It's just hard for her to be okay with it, she hasn't been given as much time as everyone else has to adjust to this extra help. She simply feels like she's failed her girl...but Riley's health comes first, right? What other choice is there, "...Okay. You're right, let's...get our girl back."

Motivation claps his hands together, keeping the grin big and welcoming, "Alright, I'm going to set up some chairs into a circle in the middle of the room. Group therapy will begin in ten minutes. While I'm setting up, why don' you four help Joy feel a little more comfortable?" He steps away, allowing the emotions to have all of the space they need to talk.

The moment he's far enough away, Joy pulls her co-emotions into a group huddle, "I'm just saying should we really trust the voice of a medication?"

Anger interrupts her, "Listen, I was skeptical at first too. I mean, I don't trust anybody who sounds like _Bob Ross_ when he talks to you. I thought he was a freakin' basket case. But he's been helping Riley fall asleep at night, and her focus has improved a little bit. He's been coaching Fear while you've slept."

"Yeah! I've only had one anxiety attack and he helped me out of it."

Even Sadness is in agreement here, "...It's my fault we're here. That island she used to have got us sick, and we can't do things like that anymore, Joy. We all got infected and it's time to recognize that."

Disgust chews on her bottom lip, "Even I have to admit, he may not be the most stylish guy in the bunch, a little creepy even, but I think he's got the right idea.

But their little work huddle will be interrupted by that gentle voice again, "Well, everyone take a seat, we're going to begin in just a few minutes."

* * *

If it's one thing Riley is just a little irked by, it's the fact that she's escorted in and our of every room. But perhaps she understands. At least today, it makes sense. Now that all of her tests have been completed, she's getting switched to a permanent room for the remainder of her stay. She says nothing as she walks, clad in a pair of black leggings and a loosely fit black sweater. Her mind is empty, like an endless void if nothing. But there's one thing she knows for certain: she can't wait to get out of here.

Missing her parents has been tough, especially at night. At least being transferred here means she'll be allowed her cell phone and her 3DS to keep her entertained. The unfortunate part is that her phone use will be supervised. She'll likely only be able to contact her parents. Bummer considering she misses Carissa to death. She could really use one of those wonderfully comforting, old spice smelling hugs right about now.

The nurse accompanying her on her walk to her new room location is doing her best to at least help her feel less like a sick patient, and more like a resident, "You're going to have a roommate! She's been here for about three weeks now, she's about your age. A year older, I think?"

"I don't get my own room?"

"Well, we like to let everyone have a roommate if possible, it's less boring after visiting hours for the kids, gives everyone someone to talk to at all times if they need it or the nurses are busy handling a situation. You never know when an emergency might occur in a place like this. Ah, here we are." With a smile she steps in first, greeting the other patient with a surprised gasp and a huge toothy grin, "Look at you!" She says to the other girl, "You ate all of your sandwich today!"

"Yup, yup, I did." The other girl replies. She's a skinny thing, and Korean. With dark circles under her equally dark eyes, her hair just a little shorter than Riley's but clad with a side bang- it's dark brown in color with lighter brown highlights. The girl is looking strangely relaxed in her baggy pajamas.

"I'm proud of you, baby girl. Anyway, Riley, this is Amy- she's one of our veteran's I'd say. She's made a lot of friends here in the psychiatric ward and I'm sure you will too! I'll leave you two to get acquainted, alright? If you need me, you know where to find me."

Riley stands awkwardly in the doorway and glancing at the other. It's a little weird for her being in a place like this and almost being forced to just make friends with other patients. She used to be so good at being positive and getting to know others. Now, in a place like this, she just feels kind of awkward and uncomfortable. She grips the opened door before finally entering and dropping her duffle bag down at the end of what will now be her bed for the next few weeks, "...Hi."

The girl gives her a cool looking nod, "How's it going? What are you in for?"

It's a strange way to word it, isn't it? But considering the strict week and a half Riley just went through, it's understandable for the girl to treat this place like a jail, "Suicide attempt."

"Eating disorder."

She's surprised at how easily this girl is willing to give up her own problem. Is it that easy for everyone? Or maybe it's a coping technique of some kind. Still, it pains Riley to hear that. The skinny body and sunken features make sense now, at least, "...But you're such a pretty girl you don't need to punish yourself like that, why would you want to starve yourself?"

The girl stares at her lap now, pulling at a thread on her hoodie, "You can say that all you want. I can argue the same BS with you- you're pretty and young, why try to end it?"

Riley doesn't say a word.

And the girl laughs a short breathy chuckle, "It's the reason we're both in here. Our minds screwed us the hell up." But still, she doesn't want to push away a possible bond, "I'm sorry if I seem kind of cynical. I guess, joking is my way to cope." Just as suspected it would seem, "It's like, talking about this stuff like it's not such a big deal...kind of helps, makes it seem easier to beat."

"No, it's okay." She climbs onto her bed, takes a seat facing the bed adjacent to hers, "I totally get it. If you could believe it, before I started this...whole depressing journey, I used to be such a goof. I laughed a lot and turned almost everything into a joke. So I get you."

"Well, at least I'm glad to know I didn't accidentally offend you, aha." She runs her fingers through her hair, finally looks back up to give Riley a gesture of acknowledgement, "It's uh, it's nice to meet you, Riley."

"...You too, um." She has no idea how to keep a conversation going lately. After a moment of pause, the only thing she can think of to say is, "... I promise I don't snore."

For the first time in a while, Riley manages a giggle, and Amy is joining in right with her. After the two share a look of sympathy and guilt (personifying how they both must feel, really) Amy breaks the gaze and reaches over to the nightstand perched against the wall between both beds where she checks the pocket watch she keeps atop it, "Oh- 1:30 PM." She stands, steps into her boot style slippers, "...Every day at 1:30 we have a group therapy session with the kids in this block." Suddenly the girl tenses, looking nervous. Riley isn't the only one who can safely say she was once someone else. Someone who could open up easily, who was confident and could talk to anyone without a hint of self doubt. It's hard for every kid here not to be a little awkward when they all know the reason they're staying in this hospital isn't for anything that can be qualified as a great conversation starter. It's a bleak and eerily quiet environment 24/7, "...You wanna' come? It's actually a pretty nice support group."

"Uh, I-I don't- are their a lot of kids?" The idea of going to a group therapy session just doesn't sound at all appealing to Riley, right now. It'd been hard enough adjusting to the solo therapy sessions the past week and a half. Now being expected to do the same thing but in a group? For other kids to hear? She's embarrassed for everything she's done, so why would she want a bunch of strange kids to know her issues? At the same time, it could be good for her. Riley's going stir crazy, and having spent the past week completely by herself (basically) it might be good to meet some kids around her age. It's the talking she's not okay with, "And can we just- are we allowed to...sit and listen if we don't wanna' talk?"

"It'll be 6 people including you, 7 if you include Doctor Morgan- he lets us call him Seamus, though." Amy attempts to encourage her, "It really is a nice support group. Besides, if you don't go today, you'll probably chicken out and never do it. Don't spend your weeks cooped in here alone. No day but today, Riley."

Riley perks up at that possible reference, "...Did you just quote _Rent_?"

"Yeah, was that totally corny of me?"

But maybe that's all the encouragement Riley needs. If anything, it makes her want to get to know Amy a little better. And she won't be able to do that if she's in this room while Amy is out interacting with the other kids. She stands up, putting her slippers back on too, now, "...I love Rent." It seems like lately, the only things she can manage to remember about herself are her favorite movie, her age, and Carissa. Anything beyond that is a blur, almost nonexistent.

The other grins, "Well come on, then, we can go in together. We don't bite, I promise. And there's no pressure to speak. So don't worry about that."

* * *

Joy takes her seat in the last empty chair of the circle that Motivation has created in the middle of the room. Just as they're sitting down for their little group therapy, it looks as though Riley is doing the exact same thing. That puts her at ease at least. They're going through the same thing. Together.

"Well, let's get started." Motivation, still speaking just as calmly as he has been the entire time, "Why don't we start by each explaining our main goal that we have as individuals? Anger, why don't you start us off?"

The spotlight is switched, and he nods, "Well, I'm hoping that we can stop Riley from being so bitter. I'd like to get better at channeling the anger back into Hockey just like I used to, if...we ever get the islands back."

"That's very good. Very good, indeed. Fear? How about you?"

"W-well. I'd like to be less anxious. I'd like for Riley to get better at handling her anxiety. If we're really lucky, no more attacks. Maybe no more judgement island." He looks to his right, Sadness is up next.

"I just...don't want us to be sick anymore. I'm the one that made her take those pills."

That strikes Joy right in the heart. Especially because she doesn't remember it.

"I know it was stupid and-"

"Wait, you let her _overdose_?" For the first time, Joy is appearing more like _Anger_ than _Joy_.

"Well you'd quit and I was sick, too, just like you. The others left me alone and this kid said-"

"I don't care what any stupid kid said! How could you hurt our girl like this?!"

Sadness tenses, fingers twiddling wildly, "I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"So this is all _your_ fault!"

Motivation cuts the fight right off, "Ah, okay, so here's our first issue. Joy." He turns in his seat in order to make the conversation seem more like a one on on session between him and Joy, "I see you weren't aware of the suicide attempt. But I need you to take a good look at the bigger picture here."

Joy remains silent, takes a deep breath.

"Can you really blame Sadness for this? Or is it that you know, deep down, it was that _island_ that made all of you sick with self doubt and infringing thoughts?"

Joy opts to focus on to the main screen in the distance.

* * *

A tall man is sitting in one of the chairs around the circle. The room is empty aside from a table in the far corner, a file cabinet, and the big windows overlooking the city lights of San Francisco in the distance. He's wearing glasses, his hair is grey. And he's clad in a button down shirt, a pair of jeans and very clean sneakers, "Welcome back to group, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed your morning. I can see we have a new face here." He eyes Riley, gives her a reassuring sort of look, "Why don't you introduce yourself? Only say what you'd like and...then we'll turn it back to us, okay?"

She attempts to be brave, sitting up in her seat, looking around the room at the different array of kids here who look to range from ages 11 to 16, "I'm Riley- um. I just got transferred to this part of the ward, um, well, like 20 minutes ago." The group laughs a little bit along with her, "And I guess that's it for now."

The older gentleman keeps his eyes on her, a silence filling the room before he nods, "Well, it's good to have you here with us, Riley. We do have one rule. What's said in this room, stays in this room. Out of respect of everyone here."

She nods in response.

"So, who would like to start?"

A girl, sitting three seats away from Riley's left in the circle raises her hand.

"Brittany, Go ahead, start us off."

"Well, um, I've started wearing a rubber band on my wrist since last night." She lifts her sleeve, revealing old scars, healing over, looking to be weeks old by this point, "It's only been a day, but I feel an improvement. Less urges to cut. And I really like that. Lately when I have an anxiety attack, I've been channeling it into my drawing."

Riley is caught in a tough place. She so badly yearns to say something, but she's so afraid to speak up. But it's such an anxious feeling to want to make a comment especially when you relate and are wanting to reach out for help, so much that she's on the edge of her seat.

"That's wonderful, Brittany! Would you like to tell us what you've been drawing?"

She grins a little bit, placing a hand to her cheek in attempts to hide her face, but her eyes avert to the figure sitting beside Riley, "I drew Amy this morning."

All eyes turn to Amy who's cheeks are red as a rose. And the group _aw_ 's in unison while she continues to speak, "I draw her a lot, but I'm um, I'm just not ready for her to see it yet. But I'm definitely improving, I think. No self harm urges."

The man claps just a little bit for her, "That's great to hear. You see, sometimes you might think that-"

He'll be cut off once Riley feels brave, "Does that really work...?"

The room falls silent once again, all eyes on Riley.

But she's only keeping her eyes locked with Brittany in fear that if she dares to break the concentration, she'll slip and be too afraid to speak any longer, "...You know um. What you said with the rubber band. Does it...will it really work?"

The girl with mousy brown wavy hair, and thick bangs nods, "Has for me so far...my mom dropped off a little box of rubber bands that the nurses hold at the main desk for me. I can get you one if you'd like."

She doesn't say anything. Instead stares at her own lap, looking guilty.

Seamus leans forward in his chair, "It's okay, Riley. You don't have to say anything. But I see guilt in your eyes...and I want you to know that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. Sometimes we do things that seem right at the time, but later on we can't even understand what would possess us to think that it was a good idea. But you can't regret it. It's in the past, you have to channel your energies on the future. Don't feel guilty, honey. We're all here for one reason or another, and together we can get better. You're no different, Riley."

With silent tears falling, she's quick to wipe them on her sleeve, "I'm just really afraid."

* * *

"What is it you're afraid of, Joy?"

"I'm afraid of losing my credibility."

* * *

"So you're afraid that your peers at school will know you're here and they'll judge you for it?"

"By now they all know I'm here, and I'll be looked at like some freak who's a mess and can't handle anything."

* * *

"I'm supposed to be able to make her happy." And now Joy has tears in her eyes too, "And if I can't do that, what will everyone think? Everyone who takes care of her memories and cleans out unnecessary ones- even my friends up here who work with me. What will they think of me?"

She finally looks up from her lap with trembling lips, "I just..."

* * *

"I'm just afraid that if they find out-" Riley is still staring at her lap, biting her lower lip. She doesn't want to cry, "I'll lose what little dignity I might even have left."

* * *

"Will I lose my dignity?"

Motivation gives her a sympathetic glance, "Of course not, Joy. We're all here for you. For each other."

* * *

"That's not true at all, Riley." And he tries to reassure her, "We all feel that way sometimes, but I promise you someone cares. We care."

Amy interjects with a sigh, "I think that all the time. Will I be looked at differently? Does anyone care what happens to me?" And again she sighs with a shake of her head, "But the thing is, all of this? It's a nightmare and it eats away at you until you realize that everyone sitting here is just like you. Then you realize someone cares- everyone in here does, and you're not alone anymore."

Seamus leans back with a smile, holding out his arms, "Why don't we all join hands for a moment just to remind ourselves that we aren't alone. That we're here for each other."

* * *

"Come on, everyone, join hands!" Motivation begins enthusiastically as he watches everyone do just as instructed, "Now everyone, repeat after me."

* * *

"After me: I am not alone. Someone cares. I am important. I will get better tomorrow."

* * *

"I will not lose my dignity. We're not alone. We can get better. We'll Be okay."

* * *

The young teens all eye each other, keeping their hands together in that circle. All while uttering the words they attempt to believe in their heart of hearts.

 _I am not alone_

 _Someone cares_

 _I am important_

 _I will get better tomorrow._

* * *

And the emotions with teary eyes and sinking hearts, squeeze each others hands tight, doing their best to keep their composure.

 _I will not lose my dignity_

 _We're not alone_

 _We can get better_

 _We'll be okay._

* * *

"All of you are strong kids. You can do this. You're loved and cared for."

 _I am not alone_

 _Someone cares_

 _I am important_

 _I will get better tomorrow._

* * *

"You are powerful emotions. We can get everything back to the way it once was. We can get Riley through this. Together. Everything is gonna' be okay."

 _I will not lose my dignity_

 _We're not alone_

 _We can get better_

 _We'll be okay._

But if they're such strong emotions, then why are they all crying together now? Crying and holding onto each others hands for dear life?

* * *

And why is Riley keeping the circle together, holding the hands of Amy and a stranger and crying silent tears? Why is this so hard, even when she's not alone? Why does she still feel alone? Why doesn't she feel like herself anymore and when will she finally find herself again?

"...We're here for you, Riley. And we love you very much. It's gonna' be okay. I promise you." With one final reassuring grin he comes to stand, "Perhaps we can continue the session a little bit later, let's all try to help our newcomer feel a little more welcome, hm?"


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 is a go! Cute surprises lie within, huehuehue. And I want to thank those who've left me feedback for this story! It means a lot to me. :)

* * *

It'd been weird at first, hard to adjust to having a roommate. It's comforting now, just as the nurse explained a two weeks ago. Group therapy is even becoming something Riley looks forward to just a little bit. It's nice to talk, it's nice to hear everyone say their feelings and share their stories. It's like an extra reminder that she isn't alone, people struggle, but together they can fight off those demons. Riley is becoming more determined as the days pass. She stands outside of that nearly empty room, arms folded and leaning against the wall. She is waiting, watching the remainder of kids clear out. She is waiting for Amy. And the moment that girl exits (Brittany having exited a little bit before her) she looks as though she's absolutely swooning.

 _'Should we ask her about Brittany? She's making that face we make when Carissa flirts with us!'_

She grins at her new friend, "Good talk?"

Amy shoves her playfully, "Back up, Riley, none of your business!" But she's laughing, "...Look what she gave me." She holds up a piece of printing paper, a beautiful sketch having been put together on it.

"...Holy crap, Amy, it looks _just like you_. How did she do that? That must have taken her hours."

"She said it took four hours...four whole hours where she thought about me." With a sigh, she can only keep her eyes on that drawing as they walk off to go back to their room.

But Riley is feeling a little playful today, for the first time in a while, really, "You've got it bad." But she's leading the way, with a genuine smile. She's happy for Amy, truly, "You like her."

And surprisingly, unlike Riley, who'd been so quick to deny her feelings for Carissa when they first popped up, Amy doesn't even hold anything back, "...I really do." But it doesn't stop her from covering her face with her free hand in embarrassment, "Holy shit, Riley, she's so cute."

Riley allows Amy to enter their room first, shuts the door behind them, "Have you told her?" It's spoken as she walks about the room, cleaning up her things and opening a window.

 _'Ugh, thank god. It was getting so stuffy in this hospital I was ready to vomit.'_

And Amy is making her bed, climbing atop it and taping the picture onto the wall next to her, "...Well, no. But I'm pretty sure it's obvious I like her."

Riley would give anything to be that comfortable with her sexuality. Her mood drops just a little as she's climbing up onto her bed. Why is it so easy for Amy and not her? It's not even like she's hiding it anymore considering she'd come out in her suicide note. No doubt her whole school knows. At least her parents sure do, yet it's still so hard. She can't help but be a bit envious, "Still, I bet if she heard you tell her, it would make her day."

"...I know." She sits pretzel style, faces Riley with a nervous looking face.

"...Do you ever wanna' kiss her?" Talking about it might even help her get better at talking about her own romantic feelings.

The other stares at her lap with a chuckle. Pushing a bit of hair behind her ear she finally meets Riley's eyes again, "Only... _all the time_."

That big goofy grin is even genuine this time too, "That's so cute, so what stops you from doing it?"

"The chance of lingering puke breath?"

And Riley and Amy both laugh at that cynical joke, "Come on! Be serious, Amy."

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry." It seems this friendship has blossomed way quicker than both of them had imagined. It's nice sharing a room, "I guess I'm just afraid to make the first move. But Brittany- she's like a mouse, if I don't make the move, she never will. She's in here for anxiety, and I don't want to pressure her. I know I want to do it...I just need the right moment. Because I know her. If I made the move, she wouldn't reject it. I know she feels this too."

 _'Okay, Joy, think. Think as best you can, sweetheart. Riley's friend needs advice. I want you to focus, and plant an idea in her head.'_

 _'...But the self harm light bulb is still in there.'_

 _'If you love Riley at all, you will find the strength to pull that bulb out, Joy. Now come on, no more excuses...give her a good idea.'_

The young teen perks up after what feels like hours of thought, "...We need to get you two alone."

"We're not allowed to go anywhere except the bathroom by ourselves, and no offense, Riley, but a bathroom is hardly romantic."

"No- but don't you remember? Doctor Morgan said that every day if we want to use that group therapy room to blow off some steam for one reason or another that we can! Remember? Jake wanted to practice guitar in there alone, so they let him provided he went in there without anything but his guitar, and they were able to monitor him because they could check in through the window of the door." a pause, "...So all you do is tell them you and Brittany plan to work on a drawing or something together- I tell Brittany you're looking for her- bam! Instant privacy. It's not some mountain top over looking the city lights, but it's better than a smelly bathroom."

This even makes Amy sit up, "...You might be onto something, Riley- a-and if I plan it for after dinner, I can shut off the lights- and then we see the gorgeous city in the distance- the lights and all. And the sunset too."

"And if you ask me, that's pretty romantic." And even the way Riley says it is rather happily, almost melodic. It's a complete change from two weeks ago, "You can even buy flowers from the gift shop downstairs."

"Can't, I blew my last couple of dollars on a diet coke."

"What is this cyberland?" She's teasing of course. Looks like she isn't the only one who has that movie as her favorite film. It was the first thing they bonded over, "I have ten dollars, two fives. You can buy the bouquet of 6 roses for $4.50 down there."

Amy remains silent, eyes wide.

"You can't back out- no day but today, that's exactly what you told me!"

Still she is silent.

"...Are you okay?"

Silent still.

"...A-Amy?"

She looks up, gives Riley a very deep sort of stare, "Oh my god, I'm going to kiss her tomorrow."

"Tonight."

"No I can't."

"You can."

"I-I can't she's too cute and I'm a wreck!"

"I know you can do this!"

Amy is in deep thought.

"No day but today!"

And the skinny form leaps from her bed and onto Riley's, "Oh my god I'm going to kiss her tonight!"

"Tonight!" And together they laugh, a very excited laugh, hands clapping together in a high five.

* * *

"Great job, Joy! You did it!" And motivation gives her a pat on the back, "You hardly even needed me! You did it, and I'm very proud of you."

Fear is even acting more like his old self, "Way to go, Joy! You even got the light bulb out!"

Joy is is feeling such an array of emotions, "I-I guess I did, didn't I? I knew I could do it." She places her hands onto her hips triumphantly, "All in the name of love, as they say!"

Motivation takes a step back, "Keep doing what you're doing, guys. I'm still here. But you still have to learn to keep the groove going."

Anger pounds his fist on the desk, "Okay! I am so ready for this. Bring on the lesbian romance!"

Disgust shakes her head with a laugh, "Weeks ago you couldn't even say that word, look at you now."

"Hey just because you knew all along doesn't mean everyone did. I'm damn proud of myself."

"Settle down, settle down, everyone. It's time to focus. It looks like Amy is saying something important to your girl."

* * *

"Huh?, sorry, Amy. I didn't hear you."

"I said that's a cute necklace, where'd you get it?"

 _'Okay, I'm so worried right now. I-I don't know if I'm ready to talk about Carissa openly.'_

 _'We have to, Fear. We have to beat the insecurity.'_

"Oh, um, I...got it for my birthday as a gift." She tucks her hair behind her ear nervously, "From this...girl."

Amy quirks an eyebrow, "A girl, huh?" But she stays seated beside her, "Come on, you know my romantic info! Spill."

 _'...Now or never.'_

 _'I'll help you, Fear.'_

 _'...Thanks, Joy.'_

Riley can't help the smile that appears, especially when she's suddenly recalling that amazing first kiss, "Her name's Carissa. She was new to the school in January after Christmas."

Amy nudges her playfully, "... _And_?"

"...What else do you wanna' know?"

"What's she like! What's she into!"

"Um, well, she's in a band- she plays the drums. She's got this short brown hair, and the sides are shaved. She said she's always preferred dressing kind of androgynous. She's such a punk. Always in leather jackets and ripped jeans and ratty docs. She has this...jean vest she covered in patches and spikes that she wears, like, all the time." is her face red?

Amy drapes an arm around her friend, "Aww, Riley! You're blushing! That's so cute." but she has to ask, "...So are you two official or anything like that?"

"...I mean, we technically never got the chance to label it before I got in here...but we're exclusive I guess. She kissed me on my birthday but not since. And I'm pretty sure she wants to ask me to the 8th grade formal...if I'm able to go."

 _'What if we never get used to this?'_

"...She sounds amazing, yet you look like you're about to burst into tears. And not the good kind." She removes her arm from the teen's shoulder.

"...It's just." She sighs, "Part of the reason I'm here is because the kids at my school bullied me because they suspected I was a lesbian. It's just...it's hard to talk about this."

"Listen, I used to be the exact same way until I just came to a realization. And once I came to it, I couldn't believe how simple the solution was...it was right under my nose the whole time."

"Is the whole _those people aren't your friends and you're better than them_ thing? Because if it is, I get that, and it didn't really change how much harder it made it to come to terms with things."

"Nope. But trust me, once you realize, it'll be a piece of cake for you."

 _'Well what is it, woman! Stop bullshitting and tell us!'_

"What is it?"

 _'What?! What?!'_

"Your sexuality? It don't define you, Riley."

 _'That's it?'_

She stares, looking confused.

"When people say 'hey, girl, tell me about yourself!' are you planning to say 'I'm RIley, I'm a lesbian' or would your first instinct be 'I'm Riley, I'm into music, I love the movie Rent, and I like to play my 3DS late at night if I can't sleep.'?"

 _'Holy shit.'_

 _'...She's...she's right.'_

And Riley is just a little mind blown.

"See? When you realize that sexuality isn't a big deal." She leans back on her hands, staring out the window, "When you realize it's not technically a vital part of what makes you, _you_...it becomes as easy as being straight. Just give it time. Soon you'll be gushing about Carissa and not caring at all who hears you. People will learn your sexuality eventually if you mention a girlfriend or something, and nine times out of ten, they won't treat you any differently. Sometimes you'll get a comment or two...but it's never going to be from someone important to 's still some good in this world, Riley."

 _'She's absolutely right, and it's been obvious this whole time!'_

But the thoughts will be broken when there's a knock on the door, "Hello? I'm sorry to interrupt you girls, but Riley, your mom's here. You can go down the hall and take the elevator down to the lobby and see her okay, baby?"

"Oh- okay, I'll be down in a minute!" She turns to Amy, another smile, "...Thank you, so much. I mean that."

"...It was nothing, Riley. Go see your mom, I'm gonna' go talk to Seamus about later. When you get back, you better get ready to coach me!"

She's already backing out of the door backwards and pointing her thumbs in Amy's direction, "I gotchu', I promise!"

* * *

"Why isn't dad with her?" Disgust can't seem to piece it together at all.

"Maybe he doesn't love us now that we're gay."

"Oh come on, Sadness, he visited every other time and told us he loved us. Relax." But Disgusts question is about to be answered.

 _'Your dad decided to play 'I 'bet I can drink this whole carton of milk even though you didn't dare me to' again and so he's been throwing up and couldn't make it tonight. But he sends his love.'_

"...That game will never be funny."

"Gross!"

* * *

But Riley contorts her face in disgust, "Ew, I'm glad I wasn't there for that. I hate when he does that."

"Trust me, honey, me too." But after the explanation, her face softens and she runs her fingers through her daughters hair, "How are you doing?"

She tenses just a little. This is still awkward for her even now. Everything is out in the open, and it just feels strange, "...I'm doing okay. I've been getting better sleep, the pills side effects are grogginess, so I guess that works in my favor." She has to ask, it's been killing her, "How are...my friends and stuff? Have you heard from them?"

"Well, Amanda is getting your friends to sign a really big card, and her and Carl came over two days ago to drop off some chocolates for you which...I unfortunately left at home, heh. They miss you a lot at school. Everyone's really worried about you. But they're glad to know that since you're completing your schoolwork here, you'll still be able to graduate with them. Whether you attend the ceremony or not. Fingers crossed that you can."

She nods, but her mom is ready to save her from getting very sad again.

"Oh, and Carissa has come by every day since you were admitted here."

She looks right up at her other with all of the hope in her eyes, "She has...?"

"Yeah, yeah she has. And she helped me clean your room up, and she's been helping around the house." Her mother smiles, "That girl is crazy about you. But then again she would be crazy not to be."

That's enough for her to giggle happily with pink cheeks, "I really miss her."

"Would reading a letter she wanted me to give to you help?"

"She wrote me a letter?"

"She did, sweetie." And her mother is already reaching into her purse to pull it out, "Just wait until I leave to read it, because we do have to have a talk."

She takes the folded note rather cautiously. The phrase _we need to talk_ is nerve racking to hear no matter who it's coming from, "About what?"

"Officer Castellanos questioned Carissa after the cops were called to break up that little fight in the park a little over two weeks ago." She begins, "And when Carissa explained what happened and why she initiated the fight, they were able to determine that the incident was connected to you."

 _'Oh no! Are we going to go to jail?!'_

 _'Calm down, she's way too calm for that to be it!'_

"A-Am...am I in trouble?"

"No, no of course not, Riley. It's just...when they made the connection, they asked Carissa to explain what happened between you and Austin and...the other boys. So she showed him screen shot proof of the things he'd been saying to you online, and he told me that if you wanted to, and if you were willing to be questioned, you could press charges."

"On Austin?"

"Yes, honey. Cyber bullying is an actual crime, and the fact that it may have possibly led to all of this is a very big deal and they take this seriously. But, he did let us know that nothing will happen without your consent."

 _'Joy what do we do?!'_

 _'Before you answer, Joy, let me just say...I say we press charges on those sons of bitches!'_

 _'But won't this stress us out more?'_

 _She's firm, 'I think we should'_

"...I think, I'll talk to the cops, because I don't want him to go to jail or anything, but I do want him to understand that what he did really hurt me so...I wanna' do it."

Her mother smiles, leans in to wrap her arms tightly around her daughter, "And I promise your father and I will be right there to back you up. We love you, Riley. More than you can ever know." And forgive her, but she has to add, "And we adore Carissa."

 _'This is so amazing.'_

"You mean you don't hate me for liking...?"

"Of course not." She draws back, but keeps her hands atop Riley's shoulders, "When you heard us talking that night, we said the things we did because we were panicking. You know, a parent will always picture their child a certain way. But when I first held you in my arms, I thought you'd grow up with your fathers hair color. But you didn't, did you? And I still love you even though you don't have his hair color that I happened to just imagine you having. And it's the same thing here. I always pictured you meeting a boy and marrying him in a beautiful gown. I've pictured that all your life. But just because you want to be with a girl, doesn't mean I love you any less. It just...took some time to get used to. But we got there. Our opinion hasn't changed of you, and neither has our love." She's doing her best to reassure her, "I promise you that we support you."

That's enough for Riley to cry happy tears as she throws herself into her mothers arms.

 _'My anxiety level is completely normal right now. I haven't felt this way in months. I feel completely recharged! I'm gonna' be okay, guys! So will Riley!'_

And she'll refuse to let go. She'll hold her tight, keep her close and kiss her hair, "We love you so much." But she does need to ask, "So...when your friend Jordan came to pick you up last year, that really... _wasn't_ a date?" Even after her daughter swearing up and down, her and her father were incredibly convinced otherwise.

But Riley pulls back with a deep breath as she wipes her eyes, "It's complicated." Where can she even begin? That entire outing had been a struggle, "I remember we all planned to go to the skate park because Carl was teaching me how to skateboard, and everyone else already basically knew how, I mentioned that my mom said I couldn't walk there by myself because it's kinda far and you have to pass that sketchy park, so Jordan offered to pick me up and walk with me." a pause, "We exchanged cell phone numbers and I gave him our address and then he started using cutesy emojis and kind of flirting. And like, I kind of flirted back because I remembered Amanda telling me how sweet and cute he was and how he totally liked me. I'd convinced myself I liked him because that's how it's supposed to be when a boy likes you. That's how it was for her and Carl, and since we were all going as a group I didn't want to think of it as a date. Especially because deep down, I didn't really feel anything for him."

Her mother listens intently. She can already picture where this is going.

"So you asked and I was honest. It wasn't a date...but to him? It...it was." another pause while her face fills with guilt. So much that she breaks eye contact with her mom, "We all had a fun time. We goofed around, I went to get a soda...he came with me. He told me I was pretty...I said thank you." She closes her eyes with a heavy sigh, "And then he kissed me." And she shakes her head, "And...I felt nothing. I didn't feel a spark or a warm feeling or...anything." This is difficult to say. She'd never told anyone this before, "I got so scared because I didn't understand why I felt nothing. I asked some online friends who said that kisses aren't like they are in the movies. You don't necessarily feel a spark. It's just...when you kiss them, you know because it feels right."

Her mother takes her hand.

"That's when I got really scared because it...didn't feel right, at all. I told him I wanted to be friends but not to kiss me anymore. And he got really sad and stopped talking to me until recently, and thankfully we're cool now." She finally looks at her mother with tears in her eyes once again, "A-And then-h- one night when I couldn't sleep-h...I was on tumblr-h- and I was scrolling through my dashboard-h..." It's so hard to say, and then she has to break the eye contact again. There's no way she can look at her mother while she says this, "There was this gifset of these two girls-h- they had short hair cuts and they were wearing shorts and sports bras a-and they were lying in bed and k-kissing a lot-h- like heated kind of kissing-h like the kinds in movies you used to make me look away during-h!" And now she's crying, actual tears, "...A-and I liked it-h! It...It made me feel things-h- like things you're supposed to feel with boys-h and I just cried-h-! A-And so I told-h-h- toldyou-h- I had really bad cramps but I was just so confused and grossed out that I felt that way, I didn't-h know what to do-h!"

Her mother shakes her head, eyes glossy with tears, "Riley..." And she pulls her into another embrace, "It's okay, honey."

"I'm sorry-h-" It's mumbled into her mothers shoulder, "I'm so sorry-h-!"

"No, don't be sorry. Don't you dare be sorry-h you have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong. Everything you felt is completely normal, it's normal, I promise you that."

"Don't hate me mom-!"

"I don't hate you. I don't hate you even a little. I love you so much, Riley. And I'm proud to have you as my daughter-h."

"I love you too, mommy. I love you too." And it's in this moment, that it feels as though a huge weight as been lifted off of her chest. And for the first time in months, she feels rejuvenated.

"We can't wait to have our girl back. Out of this hospital and home again. Me and your father, your friends, and Carissa."

She can only wonder what Carissa is doing right now.

* * *

Well, she's doing what every other eighth grader of that middle school is currently doing. Sitting in her final class of the day. A class she shares with Carl and unfortunately, Austin. The bell rings and the few late stragglers run through the door to take their seats. And the teacher is erasing something off of the white board before reaching over to close the door, "I'm sure you all got the letter home sent by the superintendent." She struts to the middle of the room, "For those of you who have not heard the talk around school, one of our students Riley Andersen is away in the hospital for a little while. I won't go into detail about it." Because really, she doubts any of these kids don't know what happened. Teenagers spread gossip faster than your average viral infection.

The room falls silent. Carl and Carissa eye each other with a look of sympathy. It especially hurts to hear it, knowing that everyone knows now.

"I just wanted to let all of you know that before finals, they intend to have an assembly about the issue at hand, but we were asked to remind all of you that if you are facing similar problems, the guidance counselors are available all day to speak to."

And still the room remains quiet, aside from a sniffle or cough here and there.

"...But because all of this is still new, I just wanted to know if any of you had any feelings about what she did, or have anything you'd like to get out."

There's an awkward pause before Carissa breaks the deafening silence. She focuses on her hands placed atop her binder, "I watched a beautiful, happy girl lose interest in literally every aspect of her life. It killed me to see because she was trying so hard not to lose herself. She wanted to be there for her friends and just...be herself, but people made it so hard for her-"

"Wait, how is this literally anyone else's fault other than Riley's?" Of course Austin has to speak his mind.

Carissa is so shocked that she simply looks a little ways behind her, eyeing him with daggers- watery eyes looking nothing short of appalled.

"No one asked her to go through with this. I mean, if she really wanted help, she should have gotten it. No one told her to kill herself."

Carl won't stand for that, "Bullshit!"

"Boys!" The teacher attempts.

But Carl refuses to step down, "Chris Russo literally walked right up to her, told her to find some pills and do it."

"And that's my damn fault?"

"Yeah, because instead of telling him he was messed up for saying it, you decided to beat up a girl for coming to her defense!"

"She punched me first! Bro, we're best friends, who's side are you on right now?"

He doesn't even have to think about that one, "Not yours anymore."

That makes the entire class _oohhhh_ something fierce. These two were best friends for years, and by the looks of it, Carl is ending it this very minute.

But this fight is about to be cut off permanently when the teacher is opening the door, allowing another figure into the room. A police officer who doesn't look happy at all. Officer Castellanos.

Carissa is smirking a very bitter, satisfied smirk, she knows what's about to happen.

He stands tall, aggressive looking, "Afternoon, kids." And with another breath, "Austin Lopez, you wanna' collect your things and come with me please?"

"What'd I do?!" Having no idea that acting clueless will get him nowhere.

"This isn't a joke, son." And the seriousness of his face and stance says it all. He is not in a joking sort of mood, "I'm not going to ask you again. Collect your things and come with me. Now, we can do this right in front of everyone, or you can save yourself the further embarrassment and do as instructed."

And as he stands, walking down his row and refusing to make eye contact with anyone, everyone else will explode with different chants and sounds of shock. Phones are being whipped out, and friends are being texted. Watching a kid be escorted out by a police officer is certainly more exciting than math, isn't it?

But Carissa keeps that smirk on her face and she'll be proud to say, just as Austin passes her desk and eyes her, "Oops, that _darn_ mouth of mine." Nothing is sweeter than watching Austin leave the classroom, and knowing that upon entering the principals office that he will be handcuffed and arrested for his actions.

That smirk remains on her face- the crooked gaze of justice as the teacher attempts to calm the rest of class down. It will prove to be pointless. And Carl will turn to Carissa, and the two will high five. This is working out exactly as it's meant to. Riley deserves justice. They'll fight to the death to get it for her.

Carl leans back in his seat, "Feels nice to take out the trash."

"Even better to see him shake."

"This'll teach em'."

"You know he'll be at that station for a while, hope he doesn't have to _go to the bathroom_." She's referring to the secret Carl had let slip just a few months ago.

And together the two laugh. Looks like they both have a new best friend...in each other.

* * *

She couldn't even eat her dinner. She's spent the last couple of hours staring at that envelope, too nervous to read it. It could be anything! What if Carissa is ashamed of her? The look her mother gave her seem to indicate that it was nothing but lovely. Still, she's terrified, for no good reason. Shortly after the endless focus on that envelope, Amy enters the room. And Riley jolts.

"Chill, it's just me, girl." With roses in hand she's already looking in the mirror above the sink to check her hair, "What's that you're looking at so deeply?"

"...Carissa wrote me a letter. My mom gave it to me earlier."

She stops in her tracks, puts everything down on the counter top, "...Woah." She'll quickly join her friend on her bed, "...Did you read it yet? What's it say?"

"I didn't even open it yet." But she takes it back into her hand, "I was too nervous. I just have this weird fear it's like, a break up or something. She would have texted me if it wasn't serious."

"Newsflash." Amy begins, "Did you not forget that they wouldn't let you have your phone except to call your parents because you were bullied online and didn't want you to have internet access? She probably...just knew you wouldn't have phone access, and so she wrote you a letter."

 _'I can't do this! Let's make Amy read it to us!'_

Riley squeezes her eyes shut and nearly pushes the letter into Amy's chest, "You read it! Out loud! I can't do it!"

She can't help the little laugh that passes her lips, "Alright, alright! I'll read it. But only because in a minute I'm gonna' need some comforting myself since it's t-minus 30 minutes until kiss time." She carefully tears the envelope open, "She got nice penman ship, damn." and she jokingly clears her throat,

" _Riley,_

 _I know it's really silly to write you a letter. I could easily just call the hospital and ask to speak to you. But I thought, maybe certain things are better put into a letter because it means it can be read as many times as you'd like. I just hope I don't make you feel pressured or anything like that. Anyway, I really miss you a crap ton. And I'm thinking about you every day. I can't wait to see you again and I wish I could see you now. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met and it would be such a shame if you didn't wake up on that day after everything. I'm glad you made it and I'm so proud of you for getting through it. I want you to be safe and remember that my arms are open wide for your return. Take care of yourself, and get better soon. I really, really like you, Riley. I like you a lot. I don't think I've ever crushed so hard on someone before. Promise to hold my hand again soon. I miss it! And if you get out in time, maybe you'll go to the 8th grade formal with me? I'll be here waiting for your answer, dork._

 _Love,_

 _Carissa_

 _P.S.- You owe me a date ;)_ "

Riley is speechless, but her red cheeks say enough. And she has to bury her face in her hands and laugh an incredibly _happy_ laugh.

"Holy shit, that is the cutest thing I've ever read! I've gotta' take some romance lessons from your girl!" She places the letter down and wraps her arms around Riley, "See? Not so bad! So you can stop hiding your face, homo."

 _'Did she just call us homo?'_

And indeed she is about to un-hide that face of hers because, "Did you just call me homo?"

"Yeah I did, homo." And she sticks out her tongue.

 _'She did just call us homo.'_

That's enough for Riley to crack up, "Says the girl who's been shaking like a leaf all day because she's about to kiss her crush!" And the two shove each other playfully, "I see you got the roses, so are you ready for the big moment?"

"...No, but I can't back out now." Hey, at least she's truthful.

"Do you promise you will give me every detail before bed tonight?"

"I promise." She holds out her fist for Riley to pound.

And when the connection is made, she reaches for the letter, "She's your motivation to get better, just like Carissa is mine. Get better so you two can get outta' here and go on dates and be a couple."

"Riley, we got this in the bag." And it's said with a confidence that neither of them have ever seen before.

Is this what it feels like to get better? Are they on the road to wellness again? It sure seems that way.

"But, I've got to go to my solo therapy session." But she'll fold up the letter from Carissa first and stuff it in her jewelry box perched on the small table beside her bed, "Good luck, Amy. And I promise you can stop messing with your hair. You look great, she'll melt."

* * *

Motivation stands in the middle of the room, and the emotions turn around in their seats to face him. His hands are clasped together, and his smile is warm and gentle, "I just wanted to tell all of you how proud I am of you. You all seem to have your motivation back and that's incredible. You can see an improvement here in headquarters, and even in Riley."

"Yeah, but." Disgust is more than happy to have the motivation back. But there's something that's still bothering her, "None of her islands are back yet."

"Not entirely true. If you take a closer look, you can see one island has returned."

And much to her surprise, he's right! And Joy is raising her fists in the air, "That's family island! This is great! This is so great!"

And Motivation laughs, "Alright, now settle down. She's finishing up her group therapy session, so I don't want to keep any of you away form those controls for too long. I just want you to know that once those islands all return, it means that I'll only be here when you need me. It means, instead of me showing up here every day, in order to speak to me, you'll have ti push the anti-depressant button."

"Promise you'll always come?" Asks Sadness with a hint of doubt in her voice.

"I promise, as long as Riley takes her medication every day, I will be here whenever you need me."

But before they can go back to the controls, Joy runs to Motivation's side, embracing him, "...I can't thank you enough for this. You've turned the lights back on in her head. I couldn't even see how sick we had all gotten until now. It feels so good to have our motivation and skills back. Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, Joy, but you did this all on your own. I was just here to help you get that motivation back. That's the only purpose I serve. Riley's on her road to happiness again because you got her there." And his smile is big and genuine, "You're my hero, Joy."

The grin is returned before she steps away, taking her seat at the controls, "Okay, let's get back into her solo therapy session! What are we talking about, folks?"

Anger answers that one for her, "Looks like we're talking about how we used to love singing."

* * *

Her therapist reaches over for his glass of water, "So you like to sing?"

"I've always like to, I guess. But I haven't properly sang in a while."

"Why not? I bet you have a lovely voice, Riley." His voice is always so calm.

"I guess I just lost to motivation, I never really felt like it after a while."

"Do you know why?" He intends to answer that for her, "Because on your journey leading to...right this moment, you lost yourself. So I'd like to try something."

Riley tenses in her chair, "Um...okay, I guess."

"Okay, Riley, now I want you to close your eyes." He can see a vivid improvement in her, but she still requires some work before he can okay her to be sent home. That's his main goal, "Try to think of a time you truly remember being happy. You said it yourself earlier. Singing used to make you happy. It was a way to blow off steam and make you feel empowered. I need you do think really hard. And you tell me when you can remember. It can be anything you want."

* * *

The emotions are at a loss, "I..." Sadness most of all, "I don't- I can't even remember the last time she was happy with _anything_."

Fear is in a frenzy, "We need to! But I feel so pressured right now! Joy! Can't you think of anything?"

"I-I-" She's at a loss, "M-Motivation-?" She turns around to eye him. Is she ready to fully do this on her own yet?

"I'm on break." He says jokingly. After all, his goal is to motivate, not to do the work, "Focus, Joy. Think really hard. I know you can do this."

Joy takes a deep breath, "Okay, okay, okay- uh-!" She closes her eyes, "She...she was talking about singing. She used to..." Her eyes flutter open and she looks as though she's seen the light, "...Let's go out tonight."

Anger raises an eyebrow, looking nothing short of completely lost, "...The hell does that mean?"

"Let's go out tonight!"

"Yes, again, I don't know why you keep saying that!"

But Disgust catches on, and her eyes widen as she leaps from her seat and to the middle of the room, where she spins, shakes her hips. She eyes the others in the room with a provocative sort of gaze and pushing her fingers through her hair just as she begins to sing with a deep breath, " _What's the time? Well it's gotta' be close to midnight!_ " And her body drops to the floor.

And now, Joy jumps out of her seat, running to the memories to the left of the room, " _My body's talkin' to me, says it's time for danger!_ " Right along with Disgust. And she's quick to project that memory onto the screen.

The emotions eyes light up. They remember this, so vividly too...

 _Riley's in her room with the feather duster, music blasting so loud it echoes through the entire house and making the walls shake. Right now, she's pretending to be the one and only Mimi Marquez and she's unstoppable. Singing at the top her lungs and not caring how silly she must look swaying her hips and pretending to reach for dollar bills from strangers who aren't actually there right now. She'll even catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and keep on singing, because in her mind, life is better with song, "We don't need any money, I always get in for free! You could get in too-" And it's being said as she dances her way out to the hall, "If you get in me, let's go-" And she sits herself right on the banister, and as she slides down it carefully she continues on loud and proud, "Out tonight!" Landing onto her feet successfully, and using the duster as a microphone, "I have to go out tonight!" And she continues to dust around the living room, singing just as loudly as she had been upstairs. But she'll pause so slide all the way down until her knees are bent, and give the coffee table a seductive stare as she dusts with a breathy, "Meow..." Before she comes back to a standing position with a, "Ha!"_

Joy is ecstatic to have remembered this. So much that she's crying happy tears as she watches this wonderfully delightful memory of Riley being herself. Being that goofball who loves to sing and dance around her house when her parents aren't home and she's completing her chores. And maybe, the other emotions are feeling just as overwhelmed as she is.

* * *

And Riley gets up from her seat, pulling her therapist to his feet, and drawing him close enough to hold his hands, "Just take me out tonight!"

And he laughs, dancing right along with her.

"Don't forsake me!" And she's laughing as she sings, and god does it feel good to sing again.

And he's daring to twirl her around even because the sight before him is something that's even getting him a little choked up. He's ecstatic to see her right now because he knows this is the real Riley he's seeing. This is the girl who existed before she battled depression.

 _'Holy shit!'_

 _'What is it, anger?'_

 _'Take a look behind you! Her islands! They're back, all of them! All of the good islands- they're all back!'_

Riley Andersen is back.

And when their little dance is finished, he'll be signing a few papers. In exactly one week. Riley's time at the hospital is officially finished.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13, finally! There's only one more chapter after this one! But don't worry, though this story will be finished soon, don't get sad...something else may be coming in your future. Perhaps...a sequel? :)

* * *

"I still can't believe we made it." Joy is back to being her very positive, day dreamy self, as she watches the main screen with her face resting in her hands; elbows on the control table. God, it feels so good to be back.

"You can say _that_ again." Disgust had been ready to check out after day one, "A little over a month in the hospital is bad enough. We were not only stir crazy, but ugh, they're so discomforting. All of the smells, the sick people. Get us out. It's good that we're going home today, if you ask me."

But Disgust continues prattling on, and becoming nothing more than background noise to Joy as she watches as Riley folding her clothes and packing them away into her duffel bag.

"It's a nice sight, isn't it?" Begins Fear, looking to Joy with a kind sort of smile before his head turns back to the screen, "...I've missed this."

"Me too, Fear." More than anyone could ever know. Perhaps this whole ordeal had been the hardest on Joy, because she's never been built to handle negativity like the other emotions. Disgust, Fear, Sadness, Anger...all of them are equipped to deal with the negative- granted that's not all they are. They can be positive emotions and help convey feelings of disdain or used to channel problems in healthy ways. But happiness isn't a negative emotion in the slightest, this had been a difficult journey, "I'm glad to see her smiling face again when she looks in the mirror."

"Me too, Joy." Fear hasn't been this calm in ages.

* * *

Riley even dares to hum as she packs the final bits of her things. She can't wait to surprise her parents! It's a good thing the hospital was alright with hailing her a cab, and promising not to tell her then of her return. She's buzzing with excitement. She's looking forward to their faces when they see her strutting through the door like it's no big deal. But just as she zips up her bag, there's a figure in the door way, and she looks up. It's Amy. There's a moment of silence, "...Today's the big day for me."

Amy nods, looking a little bit sad, "Not gonna' lie, Riley. I'm gonna' miss you."

She nods in return, "I'll miss you too." No, she can't cry right now, she has to be strong. But she does step around the bed and to the doorway to hug her friend.

And Amy graciously accepts that hug and wraps her arms around her, "I'm almost out too, you know. And I can't thank you enough for helping me get there." She draws back, "Hell, you helped me get a damn kiss." And she smiles, "I'm so proud of you, Riley."

"Thank you." It's a genuine smile that she flashes, "I'm proud of you too, Amy. You're eating again, you're at a healthy weight- you look fantastic, seriously! You're gonna' have Brittany wrapped around your finger now." And she winks, only teasing of course.

And the two share a laugh together before Riley is tucking some hair behind her ear and reaching over for her bag, "Anyway, um, there's a cab waiting for me, so I gotta go."

"Oh-" The other steps back into the room and stands by her bed, "Safe trip home, okay?"

But before Riley can leave, "Hey." And she comes to her side again, "Put your number in my phone, okay? I'll text you when I'm home and...this way we stay in touch. And when you get out, maybe we can hang out for real. I don't know, maybe go to the mall or catch a movie."

"...Yeah." Amy's honored to be offered the friendship beyond the hospital walls, and so she does just as instructed, typing her name into Riley's phone and adding the ghost emoji next to it, "Can't wait."

She takes her phone back, quick to text Amy just to be sure she has her number in return, "Well, I better get going."

"Get outta' here, and you be good, okay? And don't be ashamed of what you have with Carissa. Embrace it."

"Thanks so much, for everything, Amy."

"Get outta' here, kid!" And she's laughing with a wave.

"I'm gone, I'm gone!" And she's waving back as she steps out of that hospital room. The room that once said Patient Occupant(s): Amy Sang, Riley Andersen, officially lost one occupant. Riley Andersen's name is gone. This hospital room will be nothing but a distant memory.

She reaches the lobby, and she's quick to give a hug to her group therapist, her personal therapist, and her nurse. It is a little bit emotional for her because she'd grown so attached to them. The nurse is even daring to shed a tear for her.

"You take care of yourself, baby." She utters, "We're so proud of you for fighting this."

Riley pauses, swallows hard, "Me too." With a final wave and a smile, she's plugging her headphones in, heading out the door and into that taxi cab.

She reaches for her phone to open up _spotify_. It'll be good to have music again. She presses play, and leans her head against the back of the seat.

Everything is so surreal right now. Real life, that is. The hospital had been the only thing she'd seen for just a little over a month. And now she's passing the city streets, watching kids and adults walking about or taking pictures on their phones of the sites or doing mundane things like shopping, coming home from school or work. And she watches them just...enjoying the simple things about life. And so suddenly, her problems from months ago seem so silly. She'd wasted so much time worrying about what others think, that she lost herself. She forgot to take a moment to appreciate the good things that happened this year in her life...

Scoring the winning goal for the first game of the season, and having the team tackle her down on the ice.

 _'Damn, Andersen, you're on fire!'_

 _'That's it, we're takin' you out to dinner! We gotta' celebrate! We couldn't have done it without you!'_

 _'We're so lucky you joined the league!'_

Amanda and her rocking out in her room to the Rent soundtrack and laughing until their stomachs hurt when she accidentally knocked down her hang lights.

 _'Honestly, Riley, I'm so glad you moved here. You're the best friend I've ever had...and I don't know where I'd be without you. I love you.'_

Meeting Carissa, and getting to hold her hand.

 _'You're the cutest dork I've ever had the pleasure to hang out with, you know?'_

Carl telling her that she's no different than who she was months ago just because she might have feelings for another girl.

 _'I won't tell anyone, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're one of my best friends. You mean a lot to me...you know that, right? I'd fight to the death for you, Andersen.'_

All of the Friday nights spent at the mall being a total goof with her friends and crowding into those tiny Japanese style photo booths together.

 _'Who's touching my ass?!'_

 _'AHAHAHAHA!'_

 _'Your foot is on mine!'_

 _'Get a smaller foot!'_

 _'Holy shit what is your face doing in that photo?!'_

 _'I LOOK LIKE DRUNK HARRY STYLES WHAT IS MY HAIR DOING?!'_

 _'SOMETHING BAD, OBVIOUSLY.'_

 _'Everybody do duck face!'_

Her and Carissa's first hug.

 _'We'll hang out soon? I had so much fun with you. Thanks for making me feel welcome.'_

The first kiss she shared with Carissa, and the way she felt electrified by it.

 _'...Can we kiss again? Happy 14th, dork.'_

* * *

The emotions sit in their seats, allowing all of these wonderful memories of the past year being projected onto the main screen. And every single one of them is watching with glossy eyes.

Anger, with a crooked smirk dares to wipe his eyes, "I remember that hockey game. I helped her score that goal."

Disgust has to bite her lip as she watches the two best friends laughing their butts off at the fallen hang lights.

And Joy? Well, she's allowing the happy tears to fall silently, "I love you so much, Riley."

And Fear reaches over to take hold of Joy's hand without allowing his focus to be taken off the screen.

Sadness simply nods, "I was so ashamed, but Carl reminded me it's...not always bad. That was kinda' nice."

But Joy isn't so silent anymore as she cries, "I-I'm so glad she's back. It feels so warm again."

* * *

She truly has so much to be thankful for, and she sits here now, unable to believe that she'd forgotten because she'd been so clouded by this dark feeling of sadness and dread that nothing seemed important anymore.

She sighs, big and deep. She can feel it now, she found herself again. And for the first time in months, Riley Andersen can safely say, she's happy.

She steps out of that cab and up the front steps of her home. She's quick to step right in. And her parents, who are standing in the kitchen preparing dinner jolt. And when they turn.

She's smiling big, "...I'm home."

And with tears in their eyes, they drop everything and come running to their daughters side. And together, they both lift her into a tight embrace.

Her mother is in a frenzy. Crying joyful tears of relief, "Oh baby I'm so glad you're back!"

And her dad is kissing her forehead, "We missed you, monkey. I knew you could fight it. I'm so proud of you."

The exchange will last for at least fifteen minutes more while they ask tons of questions, shower her with all of the affection and ask her to be extra certain that she's home for good. But it will end with her mother inviting her in as if nothing has changed, "Come in, come in! You must be hungry, we're making tacos!"

Nothing's changed at all. Because no matter what Riley goes through, no matter what she chooses to do, she is watched over. And she is loved.

Riley Andersen is loved to death.

And she's found a way to be happy. For herself.

 _'We love you, Riley.'_

* * *

"So we go back to school tomorrow to see everyone, and then we go to class to get our final grades." Fear has his hand on his chin in deep thought, "Now the _worst_ that can happen is failing all of the tests of course, kids laughing at us or making jokes, getting _too_ much attention, the school being lit on fire, Carissa dating Jensen-"

"Fear!" Joy is shouting, "Just relax! Everything is going to be just fine, we've gotten through storms before, and we can weather this one too."

"Wait, there's a storm coming?!"

She rolls her eyes at that one, "Ugh, Fear, it's just an expression."

Far be it from Anger to keep quiet, "You know sometimes I wish there was a storm going on in _here_ to knock the paranoid little shit out!"

"You get sassier every day, I swear." Begins Disgust with a hand on her hip, "That's my job, sweet cheeks." She sighs, "At least dinner was good, delicious actually! That hospital food really screws up the palette. I was staring to think we'd never get out appetite back. Riley ate four tacos, that's a record."

"So Disgust, what is she wearing tomorrow?" Joy loves to plan ahead, and with Riley in bed reading quietly, it's bound to be a good time for that.

"I was thinking just a pair of skinnies and that grey v-neck t shirt with the galaxy vans. You know, we wanna look cute, but we don't wanna' stand out like 'hey I'm back everyone look at me!' we wanna' keep it casual, you know?"

"Do you think anyone will care that we're back?" Sadness has her doubts, "I mean we're not going in until after first period, and for all we know, maybe everyone hoped we died."

"Sadness." Joy is amazed after all of the positive attention she received, that Sadness could even think that at all, "There's no way that's true. People are going to be very happy that she's back. You'll see. You can't doubt that too much. It'll be the death of us." Literally, "Just trust me, I know it's been a while since I've led you guys, but I know everything will be okay. And if something seems off, we'll just...call for Motivation, okay?"

Sadness nods, hands in her lap, "Okay. Look, it looks like Riley's going to bed, I think we should all get some sleep."

"What about dream duty?" Inquires Fear.

"I'll take it" Anger offers rather enthusiastically, "I'm pretty amped about tomorrow, so I can handle it, you guys get some sleep."

* * *

By second period, the entire eighth grade class has been piled into the theater with their corresponding second period teachers. The principal is standing on the stage in front of a wooden podium with a microphone attached to it and speaking tot he vice principal (waiting for everyone to arrive in the meantime). The room is a bit loud, kids talking and talking selfies together while their teachers chat with one another in the side aisles. But the principal will soon quiet the room down. And when a hush falls over the room in its entirety, she'll wait for all of the attention to be on her, "Well, the year is officially coming to a close, isn't it?" The eighth grade class cheers in unison. Who doesn't love summer vacation? "Alright, alright, settle down, guys." She clears her throat, "You've all been through quite a year, and I'm proud of each and every one of you. But this isn't a congratulatory assembly, as many of you likely know."

Carissa has her right foot resting atop her left thigh, elbow on the arm of her chair, fingers twiddling around her mouth nervously. Any time this situation comes up it makes her uneasy. She misses her girl more than anything. Even it isn't official yet.

Carl, who's sitting closer to the front of the auditorium drops his head forward to stare at his lap, and Amanda bites her lower lip, sinking back into her seat just a little bit. They're in the middle section of chairs.

Austin, who's also sitting in the middle section of seats but a little more towards the back (whereas Carissa is on the far left handed section of seats), is looking awkward at first, but he opts to fold his arms and give a look of distaste. In his head, he finds it completely ridiculous that they're still talking about this because to him, he's the only victim.

"A very serious incident occurred at the end of March to one of our students, Riley Andersen." A silence still, a strangely peaceful one, "She attempted suicide due to an incident involving some personal issues. Issues that'd risen due to a select few who not only bullied her in school but online." She pauses, "But I can assure you those students have been taken care of. Because we take what happened to Riley Andersen very seriously. Consequences will come into fruition...punishment will and has been given." And another pause, "But there is another reason other than to explain our disappointment and worry for what's happened here."

* * *

Riley is stepping down the hall and to the auditorium.

"We want everyone to be aware, that you are never alone in a situation like this."

She stands in front of those doors, a nervous wreck.

"There are teachers you can reach out to."

Taking a deep breath.

"Staff, and family. You are never alone. And if someone makes you feel unsafe, we are here to help you."

And she grips that door handle.

"We want to help you. Because-"

And she steps inside the auditorium.

And principal pauses, and the entirety of the audience turns.

Carissa places a hand over her mouth. Where she'll gasp with a muffled, "O-oh my god."

And already there's the increasing sound of whispers coming from all directions of the room.

And the principal is the first to speak, "Welcome back, sweetheart."

Carissa, is now fighting her way past sitting students with tears in her eyes. Tears that are falling now as she makes it to the aisle. She runs as fast as she can, sobbing, "H-holy shit-h!" And she leaps forward, jumping up and right into Riley's arms, her arms over Riley's shoulders and keeping her as close as possible. And she is crying hysterically.

The entire class comes to stand, and they're clapping, cheering, ecstatic to see her. Aside from Austin.

Carl and Amanda go running down the aisle to join Carissa, turning into a big group hug, that soon, even more of Riley's closest friends will become a part of. Turning that hug into a cluster of love and relief.

Carissa, with her lips pressed to Riley's ear, as everyone continues to cheer (some even crying as well, mostly teachers), takes a shaky breath speaks in a hushed tone of voice into her ear, "The next time you dare to think that you aren't loved...I want you to think." She starts, "Remember this exact moment...embed it into your brain...into the core of your memories." And she kisses that ear, "Every single person in this room? Is cheering for you. Cheering for you because they missed the fuck out of you. Because they _love_ you. Because _you are loved_. Never ever forget that, Riley. _Never_ forget that."

And when the cluster of young teens break apart, Carissa has her hands pressed to Riley's cheeks.

It don't define you, Riley.

And this time, She'll be brave. Press her hands to Carissa's cheeks and pull her into a kiss with a confident smile on her face.

And all of her friends will hug the pair again, chanting over and over again, "Make it official, make it official, make it official, make it official!"

The assembly will have to be cut short, as teachers and students wait for the right moment to get a minute with Riley. To congratulate her, to hug her, to welcome her back.

 _'This is the most amazing moment I think we've ever had'_

 _'So let's do what Carissa said...let's add it to the core memories.'_

Is this what it feels like to know you're important? It's a feeling she'd never considered up until this moment. Just how important she is to so many people. And now? She's certain she'll

 _never_

forget it.

* * *

After everyone else has pushed their way out to adjourn for home room before the day continues, Carissa hangs back with Riley, giving her the perfect moment to ask something very vital, "Listen, uh, before we get to third period." The nervous little punk is already tripping on her words, "I-I just wanted to know if you um." She begins, "Well, o-our friends were kinda' chanting some stuff before when we kissed and I figured since, you're out not and everything-"

Riley laughs, covering her mouth.

Enough to make Carissa stop in her tracks.

"...I would _love_ to be your girlfriend, Carissa."

And that's more than enough for Carissa to smile big, and hide her face in her hands, "Ohmygod!" This day just became amazing, for both of them.

And Riley laughs again, "Who's the dork now?!"

"Still you!"

"Take a look in the mirror, you nerd!"

"After you!"

"...Glad to be back."

:...Glad to have you back, dork."

* * *

Riley Andersen had started the day single and a nervous wreck. Now? Not only has she passed all of her finals (Okay, so she got a C in math, but it's still a passing grade!), but she's ending the day with a girlfriend. Carissa Smith- Carissa Smith is her _girlfriend_. It will likely never get old to say out loud whenever the opportunity rises.

The final bell has rung and she's standing in front of her same old locker, cleaning it out with the rest of the eighth graders doing the very same to theirs.

"So it's official!" Amanda is running over to hug her before she's unlocking her own locker, "So have you gone dress shopping for the formal yet?!"

"...Please tell me you didn't buy yours without me." Riley deflates a little.

"Damn, well, with you being gone and all..." She looks to Riley apologetically.

 _'I knew something bad would happen. Our own best friend betrayed us.'_

"But you _promised_ we'd shop together."

She pauses, before smiling big, "Gotcha!" the look of relief on Riley's face is enough for her to giggle, "Free tonight? My mom said she'd drive us, your mom can come too!"

"I'll ask her when I get home! I have no idea what kind of dress I want."

"Me neither, all I know is it's going to be pink and sparkly!"

"Like you, 'Manda! Just like you!" Riley is reaching for the final book in her locker when familiar arms wrap themselves around her from behind, "You're lucky I'm into PDA, I could totally take you on in a fight if I wasn't."

"Oh yeah?" Begins Carissa, "You wanna take this outside, Andersen?"

Amanda is smiling at the new couple, "My god, you guys are so adorable!"

"Not as cute as us, babe." Carl, who nearly seems to come out of nowhere and is now leaning against Amanda's locker smirks, "Get a room you two, way too gay in here."

Carissa will take that as a compliment, "I dunno', man, you and Miss Amanda are pretty gay."

"Hey just because I offered to let her do my makeup once because I lost a bet doesn't prove anything."

Riley is cracking up at that one, "Well, we better get going, I wanna' ask my mom while she's in a good mood! Got a C in math so she might be a little irked."

But it's another voice that will stop the group of four, "I'd be irked too considering the shit you stirred this year."

Riley turns, and to her shock, there's Austin. Only this time, he doesn't seem to have a band of delusional idiots behind him.

Carissa already looks like she's stepping forward, "I got this-"

But Riley will cut her off, "No. I do." She comes to stand slightly in front of Carissa, her face turns cold, "Let him talk." Because she's _oh so curious_ to hear his twisted version of this, Enlighten me on how I caused all of this, Austin." With the most fake smile she can manage, she bats her eyes at him. She's waiting to strike.

"You." He begins, daring to point a finger in her direction, "You're the reason I'm doing community service. You're the reason my record now says 'cyber stalking' and 'cyber bullying'. You made those damn cops think I egged you on to kill yourself! You're the only one who did it! There's a reason it's called suicide! Because you did it, no one else did! That was all you. Because of you, I lost my best friend, my privileges to accept my diploma at the ceremony- I don't even get to hear my name get called, and I'm not allowed to go to the eighth grade prom!" Austin is livid, but not daring to step closer to her, "Because you're a selfish _bitch_ who blamed your problems on everyone else and never stopped to think maybe instead of getting suicidal? You should have just fucking _laughed_!" He pauses.

And Riley says nothing, but neither does anyone else. The entire hallway is silent, now. Even if her three friends are biting their tongues out of respect for Riley who claims to want to handle it herself.

"Because it was _all_ just a _joke_." And now he steps closer, gets right in her face as he says, " _So laugh_."

 _'My time to shine, Joy. Let me fucking deal with this piece of shit human being! I'm ready to rip him a new one!'_

 _'Do it, Anger.'_

So she does laugh, hysterically in fact, "You're right! _It is_ a joke! The fact that you attacked me, and tried to ruin my life because you couldn't _take_ the fact that a girl _rejected_ you and ruined your _fragile little ego_!"

The entire hallway _ohhhhh_ 's loudly and claps just a little bit.

"Well, guess what, Austin?!" And she steps back, arms sprawled out, "I'm gay!" She begins, "I'm gay! And I _still_ don't want you! And if I were straight?" And this time, Riley will get right in his face, " _I still wouldn't want you_."

Austin is already backing up, clearly intimidated by the fact that she is no longer threatened by him in the slightest.

"So do me a _big_ favor..." And she takes a step back, placing her arm around Carissa's waist and tightening her grip on her messenger bag with her free hand, " _Go fuck yourself_."

And as Austin is standing there in awe, the entire hallway is cheering for her for finally having the courage to tell him off

Carissa raises her eyebrows at Austin, and just as she drapes her arm around Riley's shoulder, the couple about faces, and slowly walks down the hall to head out the door. Amanda is smiling triumphantly, giving Austin a bubbly little wave with a, "Bye, Felicia!"

And his former best friend Carl, fist bumps the air with a , "Peace, sucka!" And the two couples are out the door.

Austin is left to bask in the end of his glory days, realizing now, that he'll be staring high school with almost no friends. He's lost, and there's nothing he can do about it.

 _'Way to go, Riley!'_

 _'About time we show that asshole who's boss.'_

 _'Ugh and his breath, like, yeesh! Get outta' my face!'_

"So about that dress shopping." Carissa utters, "Will it be strapless?"

"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?!"

It took months, but the cycle is finally complete. Riley got justice, in every way that she deserved to have it.


	14. Chapter 14

Well, here we are! The final chapter. I'm not going to lie, it's a little weird being at the end. Maybe a tad emotional too? It seems like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in the theater with this silly little blip of an idea in my head. Now here I am, that blip turned into a fanfiction, and in its final moment. I want to thank everyone who's been following this story and supporting me. It seriously means more than you guys can ever know, and I'm so lucky to have you all! I can promise you that this will not be the end of Riley's life just yet! There will certainly be epilogue pieces here and there and check back real soon for a sequel that's going to follow Riley into High School! (It will be a little more mature so keep that in mind of course) But enjoy the final chapter!

* * *

"Maybe...an updo? Ugh, god no, our profile is hideous no way! Or maybe we just do a half updo? No, we'll look like we're five years old. This is ridiculous! We can't just do nothing with our hair. I was willing to compromise and let her wear flats, but I will _not_ let her hair go undone! And of course her hair just _has_ to be too short to curl-!"

Right in the middle of Disgust's tantrum (talking to herself aloud, mind you) Joy comes to sit beside her, "What are you do looking up hair ideas _now_? The eighth grade end of the year dance isn't until tomorrow night and it's late. She needs to be in bed."

"Because!" Disgust begins, sounding nothing short of frustrated, "Today at graduation Riley didn't do a _thing_ with her hair! What a mess! I mean, all of the girls wore their hair up or curled it, like, they looked _to die for_ and she just _brushed_ it! What is _that_ about? Is she kidding?"

She can't help the chuckle that passes her lips before she attempts to defend Riley, "Well, you do know she's not exactly as much of a girly girl as the others."

"Well she should still have standards!"

"Carissa didn't do anything with her hair." Point for Joy

"Carissa has short hair!" Maybe not.

"...So?" Joy quirks an eyebrow.

"So she can get away with running her fingers through it and she'll look like a knight in shining armor!" Point for Disgust.

"Look." She begins, attempting to take Disgust's hands away from the controls and instead hold them herself, "It's late, and Riley should get some sleep before the big day tomorrow. Keeping her up to obsess over her hair will make her too tired to have fun at their little prom." She sighs, "And like I said, she's a little bit more... _tomboyish_ compared to her other girl friends. Not exactly a Carissa, but not exactly an Amanda either. But I can promise you, no matter what she does with her hair tomorrow." She pushes a strand of green hair behind her co-emotions ear, "She's going to look _beautiful_. And so grown up."

Disgust smiles, "It's scary isn't it?" She starts, "I remember when she was this skinny, awkward little sixth grader. And now she's standing in front of her mirror with a twenty three inch waist, gorgeous hips and b cups strapped to her chest."

Okay, so maybe joy is hysterical now. But they never get to have girl talk! And it's...funny to be talking about the way Riley's started developing into a young woman. Mostly because it just...never came up before. Sure, the emotions began to notice the changes in her body when they started developing towards the middle of seventh grade, but they sort of just quietly accepted it, "I'm terrified of high school, what if they get..." Her hands let go of Disgust's and kind of motion towards her own chest, extending outward just a little, "Bigger?"

"Then Carissa hits the jackpot!" And now they're laughing together. In a way, it shows a change in themselves as well. Her emotions are maturing. Months ago, to bring up Riley's changes? They would all avoid it like the plague. To them it would be awkward to discuss. To them, Riley had still been a child. Now? Well, now they truly can see her starting to grow up, and they're catching up right with her.

So much that there will even be a change in Joy, "I want Riley to look so good tomorrow that we get to make out with Carissa."

This even shocks Disgust to hear, but with out hesitation, she's leaning in close to Joy, "Oh my god, you're reading my freaking mind! We've only ever kissed, but god that girls face just... _ugh_. I want her to push us against a wall and just-"

"Like in the movies!"

"Yes!"

And again they laugh together, turn to the screen relieved when it finally shuts down and her dreams begin for the evening.

Joy leans over, pushing a button, however, and breaking a carnal rule of dream duty. She's already searching Riley's most recent memories, "You had counseling with Motivation a few days ago so you haven't seen." And before she's pushing anymore buttons, Joy is smirking, "You wanna' see her dress?"

The green beauty's face lights up, it's like Christmas morning for her, "Oh my god _yes_. Yes I do. Please tell me the dress isn't red. I hate the color red, it totally washes her out."

"Nope! It's not red! But it is _chiffon_."

" _Chiffon_. Like _chiffon_ , chiffon? You mean she actually got a...formal dress?!"

"Designer."

"You're kidding me!"

"I'm not!"

"Shut up!"

"Dead serious, girl!"

"She really did?!"

"Yes she did!"

"Come on let me see it!" She's nearly tugging at her co-emotions arm, "I have to see it! I'll sleep better knowing I've seen it!"

And right on the screen is the memory of her trying on the dress in front of a full length mirror, and Amanda gushing. It's a chiffon dress that reaches just above Riley's knees. The very bottom of the dress looking kind of flowy and airy. It's sure to sway with her every movement. It's a charcoal blue color. So it's a little duller than your typical royal blue. After all, Riley just wants to look nice, not make a statement. It's a very simple dress. The top has cap sleeves that are bunched where the neck-line meets the sleeve, and the neck-line is a wide v-neck that isn't too low cut. But when Riley does a twirl for her friend, the bottom of the dress spins out. Within the dress, is a very, _very_ subtle sparkle- silver in color.

Disgust is in amazement, "...It's everything I dreamed it would be. She's gonna' look kick ass. _Damn_ , look at those curves."

"I know, she fell in love with it. And it was the last one in her size."

"We really scored. How much?"

"350 dollars...on sale for 120."

"...I love my girl, she's such a smart shopper."

Yes, Riley Andersen is maturing, but so are her emotions. Puberty won't be there much longer. The cycle will be complete eventually. But it's a glorious thing isn't it? To grow up and discover yourself and be confident in everything you are. She's halfway there. They all are.

* * *

"Mom!" The liquid eyeliner just won't cooperate on the right eye. She's reaching for a makeup cloth with much urgency, "Mom!"

"What?! What, Riley, I told you the makeup cloths were under the sink!"

"No come up here! We have a wardrobe problem!"

Like clockwork, her mother is heading up the stairs and eventually greeting her in the doorway, " _I'll say_. We bought you a beautiful dress and you've picked a bathrobe?" She grins.

" _Haha_ , very funny." She turns around, fanning her right eye, waiting for the liquid liner to dry, "You can see my bra through the dress, did you wash my flesh colored one?"

"It should be in the laundry basket at the foot of the bed." But she's smiling at her daughter, hands on her hips, "Your wings look nice and even, Riley. Stop wiping the makeup off."

"Are you sure?" She finally blinks, turns around to meet her reflection in the mirror. Okay, maybe they are even.

"Yes, baby. Now get that mascara put on and get dressed! Your date is already on the way!"

"Okay, I'm almost done! I'm only wearing eyeliner and mascara anyway."

"What are you gonna' do with your hair, sweetie?"

 _'And you told me not to stay up fussing about it! We still don't know.'_

 _'But I do!'_

 _'Don't ruin this, Joy, I will so totally never forgive you!'_

"Um...I was thinking that diamond alligator style clip grandma gave me for my 11th birthday would look nice. The one with the three flowers? You know, just kinda pin the hair on one side behind my ear, like, the side bang side. But keep the side bang where it is."

"...I think that would be perfect, honey." But her mom is already turning around. She's getting so emotional right now, "I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?"

"Okay- I'll be down soon."

The nerves are setting in for her. And as she turns off the bathroom light, dashes to her parents room for the garment she'd been panicking for before she pauses in the hall, checking her makeup once more in the bathroom mirror before she crosses the hall back to her room, she shuts the door quickly and takes a deep breath.

 _'Don't worry, Riley. My anxiety has been normal! You won't have an attack! Just breathe.'_

 _'Just what Fear said, you'll be fine and you're gonna' look great!'_

If she's really thinking about it, this'll be her first real date won't it? The first official, uninterrupted date where the feelings are mutual that she's ever had. Boy, Riley's come so far.

It doesn't take long to slip into that dress, zip it up carefully, and observe herself in the mirror, doing a few twirls. She smiles to herself before reaching over to her bed for her black flats. But this outfit is still missing a few things. She extends her arm out, pulling open the drawer of her nightstand, grabbing for her music box. And as it's opened and the sound of _Angel Of Music_ fills the room, she pulls out a silver chain with a single circular faux diamond pendant dangling from it. It falls in just the right place on her chest, a little ways above the neck line.

"Riley...?" Her fathers voice calls from downstairs, "Your date's here!"

 _'Oh my god we're not ready. I'm not ready yet!'_

 _'Yes we are!'_

 _'No we're not, She's waited four years for the magic of a romantic date! I just need five more minutes! That's all I need is four years and five minutes!'_

 _'Oh for the love of god, Fear!'_

She has an excuse anyway, doesn't she? She has to brush her hair one more time and get that diamond clip secured just right on the right side of her head, "I-I'll be down in a minute!" it'll take three tries for that alligator clip to be secured on the side if her head just right. Or maybe it looked the same every time, Riley's just buying time.

* * *

It's okay, really. Because Carissa is awkwardly standing in the Andersen living room, hands in her pockets a nervous wreck. The young teen is clad in black dress pants, a pair of black shiny docs, a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, black suspenders and to top it all off: a bow tie. Her hair is gelled over to one side, easily revealing her freshly shaved side of her head (shaven on both sides). Not exactly a mohawk, but her hair is still just as short as always, but for today it's combed over to one side. Her attempts at elegance, she hopes will be enough to make her girlfriend swoon...even just a little.

Riley's mother steps beside her, I think it's adorable that you got her a corsage!" which is still in the plastic box and sitting atop the coffee table.

"Ahaha, it was really my moms idea. She's kind of old fashioned, I'm worried she's gonna' think it's too much."

"I promise you she's going to love it, Carissa."

Far be it from her dad to completely miss the point by a mile, "Aren't corsages for when someone dies, honey?"

With the most embarrassed smile his wife can plaster on her face she carefully reminds him, "You're thinking of a sympathy wreath, dear." Once again the playful _why did I marry this man_ thought will rear its ugly head.

And her husband, sitting at the kitchen table, mid chew into his sandwich will pause with a very clueless, "...Oh yeah." As if he totally knew that.

At least there won't be any time for awkward feelings. Because right now, Riley is standing at the top of the stairs, taking a deep breath.

 _'You've got this, Riley! Go see your girlfriend! ...heehee- I love saying that! ...girlfriend!'_

 _'And let's not forget how totally hot we look!'_

 _'We'll probably fall down the stairs and ruin the night.'_

 _'Or maybe we'll die!'_

 _'Relax, idiot! Why would we die?!'_

 _'Come on, guys, focus!'_

She clutches the banister, slowly making her way down the stairs with a faint smile on her face...but the expression will change when she sees Carissa. Because...

 _'...Holy shit. Look at her.'_

 _'Forget the making out I want her to fu-'_

 _'Watch it, Disgust! She's fourteen, they're not going to third base!'_

Yes, Riley Andersen is in awe of her girlfriend, who to her, looks absolutely...incredible. Oh, those _bad_ hormonal thoughts are coming to mind, no doubt. But she can't control them- if only she could.

Carissa's expression matches Riley, she can't even speak properly, "U-Um...I just- that dress, and you-"

Riley giggles awkwardly, covering her face with her hands, "Yeah...?"

"Riley, you look really pretty, I swear you do, but I'm sorry to say...I don't think I can make direct eye contact with you right now." As she's scratching the back of her head and focusing on the coffee table. The gorgeous girl standing in front of her is merely overwhelming her with so many strong feelings.

But she's laughing now, "Me too- you just look so...so amazing; handsome, if that's okay to say." And her focus is on the front door.

Her father enters the room to stand beside his wife and the two parents laugh together at the little scene in front of them before he speaks, "Remember when we acted like this on our first date?"

But his wife, is standing with tears in her eyes, "I do...and...I just-"

"What is it?" He inquires.

"...She just looks so-" And her hand comes to cover her mouth for a moment while she regains her composure with a shaken breath, "...So grown up."

He grins, places an arm around her waist, "...Freaky, right?" a recurring revelation that even Riley's own emotions are having as well. But maybe he's just as emotional too. It's such a blessing that their daughter survived her hardships this year, and that alone is enough to make them _both_ teary eyed.

But Carissa will snap out of her little trance, "Oh yeah- uh-" And reach over to the coffee table, "...I hope it's not too much. I picked a white rose because I didn't know what color your dress was and I figured white would at least match everything."

 _'She got us a corsage! She's so adorable!'_

 _'This is so romantic, I'm gonna' die! No, like, I'm literally, like, I'm literally gonna' die.'_

She can feel the color rushing to her cheeks as Carissa gently takes her left wrist- but Riley pulls away. The scars are still so prominent, and while they're more a light pink color than the deep red they once were, "I...maybe the right hand."

"No, she begins, "White also represents new life and healing." And she gently slips it onto her left wrist, "As far as I'm concerned, that arm deserves a little love tonight."

 _'But now everyone's gonna' see easier.'_

 _'Chill out, they already know, no one will say anything. And besides, this is so romantic I don't even care that her arm is a wreck still. Nothing can spoil this.'_

And so Riley bites her lower lip, smiling as her eyes meet with Carissa's, "I feel bad...I didn't think to get you a corsage."

"Just slow dance with me, that's worth more than any corsage, Riley."

"Wait!" Her mother interrupts as she breaks from her husbands grip and grabs her phone from her jean pocket, "We have to take a picture of you two together!" She's smiling once again, happy to have at least been able to get a little of her crying out, "Why don't you two stand in front of the door- Riley, honey, stand in front of Carissa." And she's motioning with her hands as the camera activates, "You ready?"

She takes her place as instructed, and Carissa reaches down to take Riley's hand, lace their fingers together. And the two will keep that pose, and smile nice and big.

"Okay one...two...three! And one more! Don't move yet-"

Her father has to laugh at this spectacle, "Honey, you just took thirty photos in a row, you held the button down too long. So it took more than half of those in a burst."

"Oh I did not!" But to her surprise, "...Shut up and eat your sandwich."

And again he laughs, right along with Carissa and Riley.

So one more photo will be taken, "Okay, now what time will you be home? And will you need a ride? Because if the bus isn't running I don't mind picking you up!"

"Oh, it's cool, Mrs. Andersen- my dad's going to be at the party, he volunteered to be one of the chaperons, so he said he could take her home before we go home tonight."

"Oh, okay, so you're staying at your dads tonight, dear?"

And the only thing running through Riley's mind is _how the hell does mom know her parents are divorced_?

"Yeah, so it's no problem."

"Okay! Riley?" Forgive her, but she has to wrap her arms around her daughter tightly, and give her the biggest hug, "You have a good time tonight. And text me when you can just so I know what's going on okay?" She draws back.

"Okay, mom."

And her mother is handing Riley her clutch purse with another emotional looking smile, "...I can't get over how beautiful and grown up you look."

The smile is returned, "...Thanks, mom. I love you."

"I love you too."

And she'll lean over to give her dad a hug as well.

To which he'll respond by lifting her off of her feet momentarily with a, "Dance like crazy, monkey! I love you, have a good time, don't hit the strip club without your wallet!" That will earn a smack in the arm from his wife, and a laugh from his daughter as she's running to Carissa's side.

She'll turn around one more time, "Bye! I'll see you guys when I get home!"

It'll be relieving to step outside and away from her parents. For a number of reasons. The first one is how warm and refreshing it is outside. The second one is about to come into full swing. Because Carissa is slipping them away from the view of the windows, taking Riley's hands in hers and leaning in to give her a very quick, but lingering kiss. Riley is nearly breathless when the other draws back.

"You look fucking gorgeous, dork."

"I would tell you how you look, but it's rated R."

Carissa cracks up, "Now you gotta' tell me!"

"Sexy as fuck, you're making me want to be very bad and it's way too soon for that."

"Go on, pretend we're on kik and you're some horny jock boy!"

"Oh my god, get out of here!" But as Riley is already stepping away in the direction of the venue, she isn't letting go of Carissa's hand.

So she's forced to follow, "But I'm just saying! What would we be doing if I was there with you!?"

"I'm breaking up with you."

"Haha, and then what?"

"Gee, I don't know, _Austin_."

"Ouch, harsh, babe!" But they're both laughing at that one. It was a good come back!

* * *

"So far this is going so amazing! So let's talk about our favorite ideas we've come up with for what the party venue looks like!"

"I'll start" Fear is extra confident today, it seems, "I was thinking the best one was that safe gymnasium with the soft walls!"

"Yuck no way!" Disgust is all about the glam, "Amanda heard a rumor that it's on a rooftop of a building. I want to see city lights and tiki torches and a huge DJ! Totally modern and glamorous!"

Joy has to agree with Disgust, "I'd heard that rumor too! I'm hoping for rooftop party!"

Sadness even nods her head, "But what if the building collapses and we all just kind of die?"

"Oh come on, that's not going to happen."

Anger rolls his eyes in response, "Besides, even if that happens, we just go full on bad ass and jump across to the building next door, it's full proof." Probably not, but still, it's fun to think about, isn't it?

"I just love how beautiful it is today, the sun is due to set in a few hours, it's going to be such a perfect night, I can feel it! I mean, look at the way Carissa keeps looking at us!"

"That's totally true love." Disgust is swooning, "I mean I used to hate the idea of cliche romance, but now I want it all! I want it all...and maybe a makeout session."

The previous night, only Disgust and Joy had been awake to discuss this. But they aren't the only ones growing up.

Sadness can even admit, "...Would be nice to have some heavy kissing to make us forget all of the pain in the world.

And Anger, "Give me that angry, aggressive kissing! I want to bite her lip while she pulls our hair!"

And Fear, "I want her to scare me into submission."

Joy is a little surprised he's even admitting that, "...Really?"

"...Y-Yeah, I guess so."

But maybe there are some things that are still just a little _too_ grown up for the emotions to handle right now. It's still an awkward in between for them. So after the brief awkward silence, Joy is happy to change the subject, "Oh! The elevator, we must be here already! We finally get to see what this party's going to look like! Everyone get ready, we need to be prepared for every possible scenario- just in case."

* * *

The couple will step out of the elevator and be entering a small looking lobby (at the very top floor). They will be greeted by the principal, to whom they will give their tickets to. And two bell hops will open the doors for the girls. And to their amazement, it is in fact a rooftop party. The music is loud, and kids are already congesting into the middle of the dance floor, dancing to _Oh I think that I found myself a cheerleader_. The music is loud enough to make their insides shake- and the two girls will eye each other in amazement. The ground looks like granite tiling. The DJ is set up in the far corner on a fairly large stage, instruments scattered on either side of him. There's paper hang lights, a few potted palms. In one corner is a set of circular tables for all of the attendees to sit and eat, and beside that is a set of outdoor style couches where a couple of teachers sit nursing drinks along with students (theirs are non alcoholic, of course.).

Carissa takes a step forward, "Holy shit did we go to the Oscars after party?"

Riley laughs a little, stepping beside her, "Like, seriously, this is so legit."

And dancing like an idiot on the dance floor, is Carl who is waving them over with a loud, "YO, THIS IS MY JAM, GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE!"

And when Amanda notices the girls she'll scream with the biggest smile.

Riley smiles right back, "Carissa, I'll catch up with you and Carl in a sec, I just wanna' get a selfie with Amanda!" And she's already running to her best friends side to hug her tight.

"Oh my god, Riley, you look so beautiful! I'm like, gonna' cry, I can't even right now!"

"Oh my god, you too! That is the most perfect dress for you!"

It's a strapless, bubblegum pink dress. It comes to just above her knees, and it poofs out a little bit. The waist is covered in rhinestones, and it's covered in shimmery sparkles. Her hair is pinned up in a high bun with a few curled stands of hair hanging from it, as well as framing the sides of her face, "Thank you so much! I'm glad you talked me into this one!"

"Come here, we have to take a selfie together okay?!"

"Okay, yeah!" She's already posing for the camera.

And from the outer core of the dance floor, Carissa with crossed arms is smirking, "Are we lucky sons of bitches, or what?"

"Damn straight. You know, she can be very loud and out there sometimes, but she's a cutie."

"I'm crazy about your friend, dude."

"About time you two made official- saw the status change on facebook. Congrats, Carissa."

And without even making eye contact, the two of them pound their fists together with a half smile as they watch their dates run back to their sides to join them on the dance floor. They don't even have to think about the next move. The couples are jumping around with the rest of their classmates and moving along to the music like goofs.

 _This year was filled with lots of twists and turns wasn't it? I remember when Riley started it last January, ending seventh grade, and getting prepared to begin her journey into eighth grade. We battled anxiety attacks, depression, self harm, and an attempted suicide. Things are never easy, and you can never truly understand everyone's pain. Even the darkest individuals carry demons, don't they? But just as always, we love our girl._

Riley is nearly out of breath as she's taking a seat at the round table with her friends, downing her drink like it's the only thing keeping her alive.

"Damn, girl, slow it down!" Carl teases.

"What?! I'm thirsty! Gotta' problem with that?!"

"He's just mad because he doesn't look as fierce as the rest of us." Jensen is grinning, leaning into her date for the evening, Jordan.

But Amanda will continue the conversation, "We gotta' get Mr. Bailey to take a group picture of us!"

"Yoooo" Jordan is pushing messy, curly hair back, "He should get in one with us, too."

The group of kids get at least three group shots in between sitting and eating their dinner. The sun is setting, it's almost completely dark as the DJ starts up again, this time, he's playing slower music.

Carissa finishes off her soda before she turns to Riley with a grin, "Hey. You owe me a slow dance."

Riley reaches for Carissa's hand to join her on the dance floor. It would be a lie to say that her heart wasn't pounding in her ears, or that she wasn't an absolute nervous wreck- trembling just a little, even.

But Carissa will ease her nerves as carefully as she can, hands gently wrapped around Riley's waist, chin resting lightly atop her head.

And Riley, who feels as though her skin is the only thing keeping her from leaping everywhere at once, will reach up, wrapping her arms around Carissa's neck. She'll ease up onto her toes a little, head resting just below her girlfriend's shoulder. With a content little breath, she will smile to herself as they dance. It's a fairytale to her right now.

 _Motivation said it best, I think. 'Only we have the power to make her happy, all you need is the motivation to do it'. He's right. When you have the motivation, when you have the ability to think positive, to get over those tough spots, you can accomplish anything. The universe will always channel what you truly desire, as long as the desire isn't incredibly out there. Happiness is easier to find than you might think. So go out there and take it! After all, that's exactly what Riley did._

But Riley will eventually pull back, only to inch up onto her toes, drawing herself back in for a slow, gentle kiss. A kiss that Carissa will ease into so perfectly. This is second nature to them now. Because no longer is anyone feeling ashamed to feel for the other. They are confident and proud to express their feelings. Riley will prop herself back onto her feet with a toothy grin that Carissa will match before she returns to her partner's chest, safe and sound to finish their slow dance, "Thank you for supporting me from day one."

"...Thank you for for still being here, Riley."

 _And like I said before, we love our girl. We always have and always will. And as I watch her now, dancing like a completely lovesick goof on the dance floor with her friends, I'm reminded that even the toughest times are only temporary. Make the most of your life. Because the older you get? The more you realize, one year goes by so quickly. It passes in the blink of an eye. And you'll sit there wondering...how did we get here?_

By this point, Carissa has stepped away, and the DJ has taken his second break for the evening while the eighth graders enjoy their desserts. Riley and her friends are talking up a storm to one another, telling funny anecdotes from the school year and recalling memories even older than that. In the meantime, there are other kids (not from their middle school, mind you) piling onto the DJ's stage, and one older gentleman. Carissa is with them.

"Yo! Andersen, your girlfriend's band playing?" Jordan motions towards the stage.

And she's quick to turn in confusion, "...I don't think so. I see Claire- that's her bands lead singer, but that other kid John isn't there...and I don't recognize anybody else except her dad."

"Maybe they're gonna do a flash mob." Of course, Carl, that's exactly what they're doing.

Amanda will roll her eyes with a laugh, "Isn't the point of a flash mob to be discreet? Because if so, they're off to a bad start."

Their questions will be answered soon enough when Carissa is tapping lightly on the mic that her father helped to set up in the middle of the small stage. "Hello? Hi, can I get everyone's attention for a sec? Sorry to be that guy." Luckily the air will quiet down quickly, "Uh, hi, everyone. Let's quickly just give a hand to our principal and the staff for throwing us this really awesome graduation party."

And as the teens are getting up from their seats to crowd around the stage, they clap enthusiastically, a select few kids chanting the principals name as if they were attending the Superbowl.

"Anyway, I uh, well-" She clears her throat, "All of you guys know, I was the new kid at school a couple months back. And I'm just really glad you guys were all so welcoming and whatever, made some pretty good friends-"

She'll be cut off by Carl who'll proudly announce, "I LOVE YOU TOO, MAN! KISSES FOR MY HONEY BOO!"

And as the congregation bursts out in a short fit of hysterics, Carissa will roll her eyes with an un-surprised sounding chuckle, "Back to what I was saying- I uh, pulled some strings tonight. That over there is my friend Claire- lead singer of my band. And those kids are some of her theater friends. And that guy over by the piano is my dad. Everyone say hi, dad."

And in a sarcastic tone they will utter a very melodic _hi, dad_ in unison.

"I wanted to do something kind of special tonight for two reasons. The first reason being, well, we all graduated- we made it through this year and we're moving on to high school."

Once again the young teens are cheering proudly.

"So I planned this little performance in dedication of our graduation, and this year for all of us in general. But the second reason..." She she has to break eye contact with the audience as her cheeks turn pink, and she's forced to look at her feet, "Because I'm proud of my girlfriend, Riley for getting through all of this."

She waits for the crowd so finish with their elongated _awwww_ , before continuing, "And I know that her favorite movie is _Rent_. So I'm going to, uh, take a step away from the mic, to my drum set and get ready to play something with these kids up here with me. So, class?" And she's finally looking up, certain to make eye contact with Riley, "Riley? This one's for you guys."

Riley will be in absolute shock...the minute she hears that familiar piano tune begin while Carissa is doing her part at the drums. The eighth grade class will start cheering once again, clapping for both themselves and the performance starting on stage. It will come to a halt as Claire and her friends begin to sing into the shared mic, " _Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year_?"

The kids condensing together on the dance floor will gently sway along to the melodic voices, jokingly raising their cell phones to the music as they enjoy the performance. Some even daring to sing along.

Riley will not hold back, she is absolutely singing right along at the top of her lungs, Amanda standing beside her, following her best friends lead.

But really, how does she measure her year? In daylights? Or sunsets? In midnight's of regretted actions? In hand holds? What about afternoons in therapy? Weekends on the internet? But she can't possibly forget! ...In saved 3DS games. Or the laughter with Amanda...the fist bumps with Carl. Or in scoring on the ice...pizza's at the pier.

One thing is absolutely certain, as she stands here...happier than she's ever been, while singing along to one of her favorite songs. No matter what hardships you go through in a year, no matter the good or the bad. Even if things seem hopeless on some days, you cannot _ever_ give up. You keep on fighting because the negatives in life are only temporary. _Life_ in itself is temporary. You have to make the most of it. And most importantly? There's really only one way to measure a year. And if it's one thing her favorite movie has taught her about life...it's as simple as this song's final line: measure your life in love. Because that's something that is worth more than anything else.

Riley Andersen, a 14 year old lesbian female, who overcame the obstacles of being a sexually confused teen. Who fought her depression and survived a regretted suicide attempt, and rose back to the top again; strong and courageously...completely unashamed. She's so thankful for everything she has. Her family and her friends...her loving girlfriend. And she cannot _wait_ for the years to come, this is just the beginning.

 _It's time now,_

 _To sing out,_

 _For the story never ends._

 _Let's celebrate,_

 _Remember the year,_

 _In the life of friends._

... _Measure in love_.


End file.
